Help Would you want to know?

[Myforevercharlie]

Last February my friend who was a member here ctb, I was online with her.

I knew her reason, not many people would understand . Three days after she passed, I got a letter from her, handwritten, 8 pages long, with her whole life story and reasons to cross over.

Not long ago I found a memorial service for her online, her parents are there, and her best friend ( Covid lockdown time) the guy is crying so much, while he tells about their friendship, and asks repeatedly ' why'

I feel guilty for knowing, and having a letter from her.

I think I want to contact him, but aren't sure if he really wants to know .

If this was your best friend, would you want answers?

 

[Ender]

I am terribly sorry for your loss. Personally, I guess I would. I don't know though, currently I have no friends in rl.

 

[Ghost2211]

Personally I would want to know regardless of what the answer is. That's a large burden to carry for you as well. Unless your friend literally said don't tell anyone I see no reason not to.

 

[Hoarsewithnoname]

I always want the answers. No matter how much they hurt I always want to know why. So I say tell him.

 

[Intotheflames]

On one hand if I were him I'd want to know. On the other hand, if I were you I would keep it to myself. There's a reason why she told everything to you not him. Just my two cents.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

If your friend had wanted her parents and her friend to know, she would've told them, as she did with you. If she had asked you to explain to her family /friend, then so be it... but she didn't, so keep schtumm.
Plus, 'last February' is a long time ago, why would you want to reveal this information now?

 

[Myforevercharlie]

If your friend had wanted her parents and her friend to know, she would've told them, as she did with you. If she had asked you to explain to her family /friend, then so be it... but she didn't, so keep schtumm.
Plus, 'last February' is a long time ago, why would you want to reveal this information now?

Because I recently found her online funeral.

It bothers me,after seeing that to be the only one that knows why

 

[Deleted member 14573]

I've been in that situation when one of my friends committed suicide. I asked many people questions and did lots of digging for information...not just to understand "why" but to feel closer to them and preserve their memory.

I'm sure he would really appreciate the closure. But if you feel that your friend only wanted you to know the reason then it may be best to not disclose that information.

 

[Nexuno]

Silence is the best answer.

 

[Darkhaven]

I think it's safe to say that they would like to know.
I also think that it all comes down to your friend's will regarding the letter's confidentiality.
Did she asked for you to keep it secret?
Could you, somehow, presume that she meant for you to be the only person with knowledge of such information?
If you can answer positively to any of these questions, then, if it was me, i would respect my friend's wishes and not tell anyone.
If the answer to these questions is no, then it's up to you, whether you should share it or not.
Another thing worth considering is if any of the information is susceptible of causing any sort of emotional/psychological damage to the family/friend of the person in question.
Sometimes it's better to just be ignorant of certain things that may cause us emotional distress. And, coming from someone who values truth above everything elese, this is saying something.
Hugs!

 

[Nodscene]

Well you are definitely in a tough spot. I agree with those that say that you shouldn't say anything. If she spent the time writing you a letter she would have done the same for anyone else who she wanted to know the details.

Not to confuse you even more there may be a caveat. It really depends how sensitive/personal the answer is he wants and what if anything you are willing to reveal given what you know about your friends desires before they passed.

If there is a way to give him a satisfactory answer without betraying your friend or revealing too much that may be something to consider. I'd lean towards staying silent but only you are familiar enough to come to the right option.

 

[Moon Flower]

I'd keep it a secret. If she didn't tell them there's probably a reason.
Not to mention, there's the possibility that they wouldn't be appreciative/would turn on you for knowing and not stopping her. Just look at the fixers. If she wanted them to know they'd know, and you could open yourself up to trouble reaching out

 

[x~Sophia~x]

Because I recently found her online funeral.

It bothers me,after seeing that to be the only one that knows why

If she had wanted them to know why, she would've written a similar letter to the one you received, to them.

 

[Lady black]

I would say it depends on the reason. If the reason had something to do with her friend or her parents, you should not tell them. If they are not the reason you can tell it. But be careful in some countries you get in prison if you know somebody will commit suicide and you do not tell it a doctor or the police

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Thank you for all the responses!

 

[Apathy79]

If it were me, unless she asked you not to or you strongly sensed that was her intention, or you could be implicated by it in some way, I'd share it with them.

In their position, I would want to know. Heck I came to this site searching for exactly that from a friend who ctb - and we'd discussed prior attempts! That sort of closure is of significant benefit.

I don't think her only sending the letter to you is necessarily indicative that she didn't want anyone else to know. In the absence of anything specific, I'd take it to mean she's happy to leave it to your judgment how and when to use it. But you're in the best position to make that call.

 

[k75]

If it were me, unless she asked you not to or you strongly sensed that was her intention, or you could be implicated by it in some way, I'd share it with them.

In their position, I would want to know. Heck I came to this site searching for exactly that from a friend who ctb - and we'd discussed prior attempts! That sort of closure is of significant benefit.

I don't think her only sending the letter to you is necessarily indicative that she didn't want anyone else to know. In the absence of anything specific, I'd take it to mean she's happy to leave it to your judgment how and when to use it. But you're in the best position to make that call.

This.

I'd leave out the part where I knew she was going to do it, but there's nothing about receiving a letter that will get you in trouble.

 

[Tired_Tired]

Dust to dust. Dirt to dirt. Keep this letter in your tomb when you are dead. Sometimes knew the truth is more painful than knew nothing.

 

[Disappointered]

It depends on whether you think your friend would care imo. You knew her so only you can have an informed opinion about that. It could be that she would be fine if you told him now. Or she only wanted to send one letter and you were the person she was closest with about this particular issue. She didn't tell you not to so maybe she wouldn't care.

In response to the question, I would want to know, for sure.

 

[readyforsleep]

I would want the answers, but the real question should be "did your friend want him to have the answers?".