David Foster Wallace wrote such a story in Brief Interviews with Hideous Men. There were men like that. DFW self-loathed him in an extreme magnitude. And if he did similar shit I can very well imagine that hatred for himself. I think one man had an extremely ugly arm and he used it to get women into his bed. I am not sure how DFW managed that but he talked about his groupies in a pejorative way.
I am in a self-help group. There is one woman who seems to pity me so much. She seems to be pretty shocked and emotional about which abuse I went through and that my therapists have considered me a hopless case who will kill himself. I had the feeling she sort of likes me. She always laughs in a pretty amazing way about my jokes. I had a crush on her but I did not approach her because the last time I approached a woman in my self-help group it backfired spectacularly. I did not actually approach her just everything happened in my brain. That woman (who pities me) knows of my love delusions. And does everything she can not to trigger them. We once had a longer conversation coincidentally and we vibed pretty pretty good. She tried to avoid that conversation though and it only happened abitrarily.
There was a time I had a crush on her. Tomorrow I might see her again and talk about my success with the woman of the dating app.
Despite the fact we vibed pretty good in that conversation I had the feeling a huge extent is contributed by the fact she pities me. She told us she might will move to a different city soon or that she in her last relationship she felt like the mother of her partner which she now wants to avoid in her next relationship.
I think the last time she thought I had a love delusion on her which was not the case. I tried to signal her I don't have them. This nonverbal communication is pretty difficult for someone who struggles with paranoia.
I am just a mental wreck when I have to talk in front of a group of people. Even in my fucking self-help group. I don't know why but if I only talk to one person (also on my dates) I had way less issues with it. I am weird.
Despite the feeling she likes me I never approached her. And I think this was the right decision. I never want to make a woman uncomfortable. When I have the feeling I actually do that I feel abysmally. This is one reason why I don't approach woman usually in real life. On dating apps it is different. We both know there what's the purpose of the conversation.
I am pretty glad I did not try to persuade her or anything to give me a try. Tbh I could have imagined after some dates we could have matched pretty well. However, she visits this group because she struggles with loneliness and I certainly don't want to ruin her escape of loneliness.
These thoughts reminded me of the DFW stories I read where men actually exploit the pitying of women to have sex with them. Tbh that sounds pretty fucked up. I already struggle with extreme self-loathing. I don't know how I would be able to live with that. I could never look me in the eyes again. It sounds pretty sick. Maybe this foreword might deter men or women to admit they would do it. But for me I feel uncomfortable only by thinking about it.
I am in a self-help group. There is one woman who seems to pity me so much. She seems to be pretty shocked and emotional about which abuse I went through and that my therapists have considered me a hopless case who will kill himself. I had the feeling she sort of likes me. She always laughs in a pretty amazing way about my jokes. I had a crush on her but I did not approach her because the last time I approached a woman in my self-help group it backfired spectacularly. I did not actually approach her just everything happened in my brain. That woman (who pities me) knows of my love delusions. And does everything she can not to trigger them. We once had a longer conversation coincidentally and we vibed pretty pretty good. She tried to avoid that conversation though and it only happened abitrarily.
There was a time I had a crush on her. Tomorrow I might see her again and talk about my success with the woman of the dating app.
Despite the fact we vibed pretty good in that conversation I had the feeling a huge extent is contributed by the fact she pities me. She told us she might will move to a different city soon or that she in her last relationship she felt like the mother of her partner which she now wants to avoid in her next relationship.
I think the last time she thought I had a love delusion on her which was not the case. I tried to signal her I don't have them. This nonverbal communication is pretty difficult for someone who struggles with paranoia.
I am just a mental wreck when I have to talk in front of a group of people. Even in my fucking self-help group. I don't know why but if I only talk to one person (also on my dates) I had way less issues with it. I am weird.
Despite the feeling she likes me I never approached her. And I think this was the right decision. I never want to make a woman uncomfortable. When I have the feeling I actually do that I feel abysmally. This is one reason why I don't approach woman usually in real life. On dating apps it is different. We both know there what's the purpose of the conversation.
I am pretty glad I did not try to persuade her or anything to give me a try. Tbh I could have imagined after some dates we could have matched pretty well. However, she visits this group because she struggles with loneliness and I certainly don't want to ruin her escape of loneliness.
These thoughts reminded me of the DFW stories I read where men actually exploit the pitying of women to have sex with them. Tbh that sounds pretty fucked up. I already struggle with extreme self-loathing. I don't know how I would be able to live with that. I could never look me in the eyes again. It sounds pretty sick. Maybe this foreword might deter men or women to admit they would do it. But for me I feel uncomfortable only by thinking about it.
