Ideally, I would have liked to be euthanized in the comfort of my home with my cat and family. My family would never approve of it however, so my only recourse is to die by my own hand all alone. I fear that my method of choice could potentially harm my cat, so sadly, I don't think that I could have her with me for comfort. Someone once asked me why I had signed up to the forum. I told him that while I was lurking, I had seen some misinformation and wanted to sign up so that I could correct it and provide some evidence backed answers to certain queries. This was only part of the reason. I had been afraid of dying alone, and had hoped that by live-posting about my attempt here, that I could somehow feel connected in my final moments. I'm afraid that I am not all that altruistic.
My stance has since changed. I think that there is too much at risk to be posting here and I fear that it may be difficult for others to read. I am very much against suicide pacts, because I feel that there is so much that could go wrong. Perhaps someone gets cold feet at the very end and cannot follow through, so they are left with someone dying on them. Or worse, they may feel compelled to attempt when they are not truly ready because of some pressure to finish what they had started.
When I had learned about my late boyfriend's suicide, I had wished that he had told me of his plans directly so that I could die with him. The idea of him being in so much pain and dying alone haunts me so much. If this was something that he absolutely had to do, then I would have liked to have been able to hold him and die together. This may just be my own grief speaking and I doubt very much that he would ever agree to such a thing but it doesn't stop me from wishing.
