Would you still be scared

[rustcohle4life]

Would you still have SI if you had 15G of 99% pure powdered N in your hands ready to go?

 

[TheCallOfTheStars]

Probably. Knowing that I'm right there between life and death would definitely at least unnerve me a little, but ultimately I'd go forward with it once I get all my affairs in order.

 

[copioushopelessness]

If I had something quick and painless I would take it.

 

[LostZombie]

Haha yeah I have over 100g of 98% pure SN... My SI do be strong

 

[Michelstaedter]

There are days and moments when I'd take it in stride, but there are others when the thought of dying terrifies me. It's certainly an unfamiliar feeling for everyone here; perhaps in an accident or a suicide attempt one might reach that point, but inevitably, if one remains alive, the sensation can leave a certain unease, as if the pain is unbearable and the longing to die and no longer feel pain is desirable.

 

[FuneralCry]

No, I'd be the opposite, I'd be so relieved as all I want is peace from this dreadful, torturous existence I just always saw as the most terrible, cruel mistake, to me existence really is an abomination and it's one that just causes harm and suffering, what is terrifying to me is how a human can exist for decades longer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much they can be tortured, all I want is to be gone, I just want to never exist again, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering, for me non-existence is just the only relief, I always suffer so much from how I cannot just access Nembutal.

 

[rustcohle4life]

No, I'd be the opposite, I'd be so relieved as all I want is peace from this dreadful, torturous existence I just always saw as the most terrible, cruel mistake, to me existence really is an abomination and it's one that just causes harm and suffering, what is terrifying to me is how a human can exist for decades longer in this existence where there is no limit as to how much they can be tortured, all I want is to be gone, I just want to never exist again, I wish for no more pain and no more suffering, for me non-existence is just the only relief, I always suffer so much from how I cannot just access Nembutal.

Hey, FuneralCry, i see you a lot on the forums. I'm sorry that you struggle with this life. I still think I'd be a bit scared.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'd be anxious even in a clinic who presumably have contingency plans if things go wrong. Ultimately, we can't 100% know how it will feel to us to die. We can't know how long it will take and whether our body will react slightly differently to whatever it is we use and however effective it is claimed to be.

I also have a feeling that SI appears out of the blue- once we are actually staring down the barrel- as it were. I'm not sure we can even predict how much or how little SI we will be up against until we are in that moment. I have this naive hope that I'll be able to logic mine away but, I kind of doubt it- when it comes to it.

Obviously, having N would be preferable but, how can we even be 100% sure it is 99% pure?

 

[Macedonian1987]

If I had 15g of 99% pure N in my hand I would be jumping out of joy. Too bad, that will never happen. But if i did i will still postpone my cbt as i got it planned to do it in a year or two.

 

[Steph99]

Yes I'd still be scared.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

Nembutal should be available to anyone that wants to buy it no questions asked . but they made it a crime to buy , sell or posses.

Nembutal puts a person to sleep in 3 minutes and then the person dies in their sleep, the most peaceful of dyings. plus it's an anesthetic in high doses. almost no one failed in all the data.

In the PPH Nitche said they never really saw anybody fail with even 6 grams of Nembutal. so 12.6 grams 2 bottles N from D or 15 grams is certain if don't call the ER hospital.

of course the ones that lived called the ER hospital or were found early and brought to the ER hospital , similar to SN who lived.

imo if one defeats si and doesn't call the ER ( which is what i fear) and someone doesn't find you within an hour then it's pretty much certain with Nembutal .

https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/suicide/post/23496/michle-causse-assisted-suicide-scene-from

most humans and animals have a very painful natural dying, cancer being eaten alive starving parasites alsheimers etc .

1 example that of course no one heard about. fish can feel extreme pain. A sunfish has 300,000 children in at one time. these are very tiny fish as babies. but almost all die very soon after birth. A larger fish usually swallows the tiny baby fish and they slowly suffucate inside the larger fish. much less than a tiny fraction of 1% of these fish reach maturity or reproductive age.

so you're a sunfish . you have eyes and a brain and you can see the world and have a self model. you suddenly are conscious in the world . there are giant fish much larger than you all over chasing you , so you are in terror . then you get caught by one and suffucate slowly to Death. did you ask for it? no. this is happening every second in the vast ocean has has happened every second for the last 500 million years to sentient animals. many of the 100 billion humans were tortured . 1.5 million in the U.S. alone attempt suicide with brutal diy suicide methods every year life is that bad. imo i see no difference between me and a sunfish except i will suffer longer and more. imo most humans end up in nursing homes while the sunfish suffered minutes suffocating a human can suffer to that level and beyond for decades in a nursing home as from 60 to 90 . i worked in a nursing home .

but if i manage to do my suicide like i want to i will die painlessly then surpass all alive 8 billion humans and other sentient animals , and have a better path to beautiful eternal Non-existence than 99.999% of sentient animals and humans. and i will surpass every human as i go into Non-existence forever, the ultimate bliss

Permanent Non-existence is much better state than being alive or existing because i can't sufffer if i don't exist . but whil alive a human can suffer extremely. so which is the better state to be in? to me Non-existence forever is the better state. so i will be better off than any alive human because i can't suffer extremely but they can.

all end up in Non-existence even the universe. to me the only difference is how much suffering am i willing to put up with until i reach eternal Non-existence. none whatsover i will never accept any suffering for me nor do i even want to exist or live for even a second more ever

 

[Cosmophobic]

so you're a sunfish . you have eyes and a brain and you can see the world and have a self model. you suddenly are conscious in the world . there are giant fish much larger than you all over chasing you , so you are in terror . then you get caught by one and suffucate slowly to Death. did you ask for it? no. this is happening every second in the vast ocean has has happened every second for the last 500 million years to sentient animals.

"Mother nature is a brutal bitch, red in tooth and claw, who destroys what she creates." - Ernest Becker

"And to this world, to this scene of tormented and agonised beings, who only continue to exist by devouring each other, in which, therefore, every ravenous beast is the living grave of thousands of others, and its self-maintenance is a chain of painful deaths; and in which the capacity for feeling pain increases with knowledge, and therefore reaches its highest degree in man, a degree which is the higher the more intelligent the man is; to this world it has been sought to apply the system of optimism, and demonstrate to us that it is the best of all possible worlds. The absurdity is glaring." - Arthur Schopenhaeur

"Creation is a nightmare spectacular taking place on a planet that has been soaked for hundreds of millions of years in the blood of all its creatures. The soberest conclusion that we could make about what has actually been taking place on the planet for about three billion years is that it is being turned into a vast pit of fertilizer. But the sun distracts our attention, always baking the blood dry, making things grow over it, and with its warmth giving the hope that comes with the organism's comfort and expansiveness." - Ernest Becker

It pisses me off to no end when people romanticise the natural world. There's beauty to behold, sure, but it doesn't justify a damn thing.

 

[imontheloose]

I've got a sizeable amount of effectively pure SN, much more than 15g, and I still have SI. The other day, I followed through with most my regimen, but once that time came where I was meant to swallow my potion, I just couldn't pull the trigger. It was less a primitive SI and more a flood of emotions and what ifs, almost sending me manic; I just couldn't continue.

It seemed to be a solid experience as I feel much looser and used to the idea now; no longer inexperienced and in the dark about it. Once the time comes, I am fairly more confident in myself to go through with it all the way.

 

[traingirl]

Would you still have SI if you had 15G of 99% pure powdered N in your hands ready to go?

No I would probably impulsively just fucking take it