would you feel better with your choice if you were around your 50s

[tevati]

I still have little hope and i am a pussy and did not life my life.

 

[ChickenAndPotatoes]

No, I wouldn't feel any better. I've been mentally ill since age 4 due to suffering massive child abuse. Already, I feel like I've lived 26 years (I'm 30) too many. My parachute got pulled a long time ago and I cannot for the life of me stuff it back in it's bag.

 

[Smilla]

Hell no. 11 more years of this is more than I could possibly bear.

I'm a shell of a person, and have been horribly depressed on and off since I was a kid but the last three years or so have been a nightmare.

I'm irretrievably broken, hate society, can't function normally anymore, and wish to be done with all of it.

 

[Lifeisatrap]

Absolutely not, I don't want to be around for another 22 seconds let alone 22 years. I've been ready for the longest, fear of another failure is the only major obstacle keeping me here. I've had more than my fair share of life.

 

[funnyvalentine]

I can answer as an old dog, and yes: it feels sort of OK, I had my life and now it has turned to shit, so it makes sense.
I would - at a younger age - not have done this, as my life was pretty OK.
But I understand when reading here how much people suffer at a young age.
I just wish everybody less suffering and maybe in some cases even a way out of their bad situation other than CBT.
In any case this forum is a really good place to be, it has calmed me down a lot.

 

[Johnnythefox]

In my 50's now and reckon I have less than twenty years left, the realisation that you're more than half way through your life hits hard. I've currently lived longer than a lot of people, I can't see anything that I'd want to achieve now except maybe seeing my kids.

 

[Jodes]

Nope. It's just another number to me now. (soon approaching 40).

My determining factors are guilt, vs pain

 

[Jodes]

In my 50's now and reckon I have less than twenty years left, the realisation that you're more than half way through your life hits hard. I've currently lived longer than a lot of people, I can't see anything that I'd want to achieve now except maybe seeing my kids.

Yet that mid life crisis fallacy is a fallacy. It's real. Reaching mid life really hit me hard too. Although I dreaded it and saw it coming anyway ever since I flunked uni first time round at 19. Now a while past the fourth fail I think I can say I tried. Realising the best part of your whole life was misdirected and gone is hard to accept.

 

[Empty Smile]

I'm closing in on 50 and wish I would have ctb sooner. I've done nothing in this life that even gave me purpose to live this long.

 

[Retched]

I'm closing in on 50 and wish I would have ctb sooner. I've done nothing in this life that even gave me purpose to live this long.

I am on the downhill slope to 50 as well. I wish my attempt had worked this summer. I'm over this.

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm 49. I first attempted to ctb when I was 15. I had an amazing 20 years in the middle, but now that it has all come crashing down, the idea of starting from scratch to build something worth having is ludicrous. I potentially have a lot of lifetime left to me --my grandfather died last year age 107-- but much of the good life I had constructed was built from a starting point that was only possible in my 20s, and much of what I became in those 20 good years shaped me to where I am now a worthless dinosaur. I cannot imagine having such opportunities now. So I suppose my choice is made much more relevant from being almost 50.

 

[Jodes]

107. Wow. Makes you think though

 

[Retched]

I'm 49. I first attempted to ctb when I was 15. I had an amazing 20 years in the middle, but now that it has all come crashing down, the idea of starting from scratch to build something worth having is ludicrous. I potentially have a lot of lifetime left to me --my grandfather died last year age 107-- but much of the good life I had constructed was built from a starting point that was only possible in my 20s, and much of what I became in those 20 good years shaped me to where I am now a worthless dinosaur. I cannot imagine having such opportunities now. So I suppose my choice is made much more relevant from being almost 50.

I have old age in my family too...women tend to live long. 100 years is the norm. 107 though, wow.

 

[Jodes]

I think i only get optimistic when I forget my age. I'm not sure I want to be that delusional.

 

[Empty Smile]

I can't think of anyone in my family that lived 100+. My grandmother was 95 when she died. That's way too long for me.

 

[stargazer]

No I'm ready to go, I simply waiting on someone. Shouldn't be too long now but then you know variables and anyone can be unreliable.

 

[Trashcan]

No. I'd feel even worse.

 

[Empty Smile]

No I'm ready to go, I simply waiting on someone. Shouldn't be too long now but then you know variables and anyone can be unreliable.

True to the point.

 

[TAW122]

No I wouldn't. I've already made up my mind almost a decade ago. I wouldn't want to waste more years living on this rock called Earth. I want out as soon as possible.

 

[GeorgeEastman]

If I make it to 53, I have to do it to win the game. The game is to beat my grandfather who died at 54 of pancreatic cancer. If I live longer than that, then I'm not the real winner of the family.

I've done more, become more, made more, etc. Now I have to die more. Dying more means dying sooner than the rest. Long living is a bigtime loss. Once you're past your prime it's a total waste of time.

 

[Final Escape]

I wish I could have been gone by 20, it has gotten more and more shitty ever since around then. I could have saved myself from many heartbreaks to come. I'm not saying it's not tragic to die very young but if I had known what was to come without being able to change it I would have wanted out sooner. I'm so ready to go at 41, but my relatives lived to be very old like late 90's. Times are different though, and I don't expect to live that long. Not because I couldn't under different circumstances, but I don't have that type of life that they led. We are eating worse, on prescription drugs, life is better but in many ways it's also worse than it was for people who lived in places where there was community, social cohesion, healthy home cooked food, stable family, probably more stable employment.

 

[wanttodie]

In my 50's now

 

[Made4TV]

I'll let you know if I'm still here in 3 years.

 

[Vegrau]

Nope I dont want to make it until 40 not to mention 50.

 

[Louise]

I'm 56 and can't say I'd recommend it. My 50's have been (even) worse than previous decades. Turning 50 and looking mid life full in the face has left me chronically suicidal. I've never attempted though. I even had N and still couldn't nerve myself up. That particular avenue is closed at least for now. I'm waiting on my elderly mother to die and my grown son to get his life together and be less dependent.

 

[Jenna]

I am on the downhill slope to 50 as well. I wish my attempt had worked this summer. I'm over this.

I'm closing in on 50 too.

 

[StillWaiting]

It is just beyond my imagination. I can't see myself alive in a year time.
Everything around me just feel so unreal

 

[sadak_the_wanderer]

To echo others, I am also approaching fifty years of age, yet my desire has been present for decades. It sometimes varies in intensity or how much it affects me, but I can only say I wish I had done it sooner.

 

[Idorus]

Slowly zooming in on 50 as well. True horror started at age 31. Been verry much busy researching all methods in those years. I still hope to find someone to spend the last years of my life with. Building the Sarco together and just see when we or one of us is ready to go. I'm not living in the illusion of stepping out at the exact same time. I definitely don't want to make this a race against the clock. My N will likely expire in september next year, too afraid to use that unless it becomes really totally completely unbearable. I can still enjoy the small things of life. I just want to be with someone who accepts my wish to build this device and isn't going to black out by the simple thought of me using it. I've been with too many of those freaks in my life and put them all overboard. The small nr of people around me know I have N and do accept. It's very important that I can talk about these things and if that wouldn't be possible, then I simply reject/avoid any closer contact. < Result of aging I guess.

 

[Jodes]

I still hope to find someone to spend the last years of my life with.

I met my partner when hospitalised. Being stuck togrther in that traumatic place I think created a bond that has weathered everything, even the full crazy that is me. But to be fair, I was lucky boyond words. I owe her everything, which is why when leaving this place, leaving her will be the hardest part. I want to have had open conversations about my death , let her argue all her points. get her used to our positive approach to death before I go out so it's easier on her. If I feel I have to write a suicide note, I know I failed. She deserves better still, but you know. Just gotta see how it goes. Id feel better about it if her mother dies first though. That abusive narcissistic bitch uses her as an ATM, baby sitting service, pawn, you name it. and often even denies she's her daughter, excluding her from family unless she capitulates. Enslaved her own daughter. Narcissists for you.