Venting Would you characterize yourself as a jealous person?

[VoidDesirer22]

I believe I have always felt high jealousy throughout my life.

Once for a certain girl who I wish I could be, and now for everyone who has N.

What have you felt jealous about?

 

[treetop.grazer]

If I'm absolutely honest, I'm jealous of most people's life's. I appreciate i don't know what's going on behind closed doors but I often walk around town and see people and think "I bet their life isn't a mess like mine". I don't feel more or less jealously for anyone or anything specific, just wish my life felt normal and not the shitshow I've made it.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

If I'm absolutely honest, I'm jealous of most people's life's. I appreciate i don't know what's going on behind closed doors but I often walk around town and see people and think "I bet their life isn't a mess like mine". I don't feel more or less jealously for anyone or anything specific, just wish my life felt normal and not the shitshow I've made it.

Yeah, like people say "everyone is going through some shit"... But there's no way most people are as crushed by the smallest things as I am. Stress brings me to my knees. Anxiety makes me quit so easily.

 

[treetop.grazer]

Yeah, like people say "everyone is going through some shit"... But there's no way most people are as crushed by the smallest things as I am. Stress brings me to my knees. Anxiety makes me quit so easily.

Yes i totally get that, i get that lots of people are struggling ATM but I feel if they are they must be handling it better than I am. I look for a way to accidentally (for life insurance purposes) every single day because I just can't see a way out of the hole I've dug myself over the years.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

Yes i totally get that, i get that lots of people are struggling ATM but I feel if they are they must be handling it better than I am. I look for a way to accidentally (for life insurance purposes) every single day because I just can't see a way out of the hole I've dug myself over the years.

My brain wants me gone. There really is no health regime or anything I could do that would interfere with this self-destructive desire. If I had money I would merely sabotage myself faster. I would burn the paper of my life from both ends as fast as I possibly could. This is not normal. I have seen people I admire and respect battle depression and live fairly normally, with a bit more weakness and sensitivity perhaps.

It is like a brain virus.

 

[jawdropped123]

I believe I have always felt high jealousy throughout my life.

Once for a certain girl who I wish I could be, and now for everyone who has N.

What have you felt jealous about?

I feel jealous about people who are doing better than me im not the type of person that will wish bad things on other people but i do feel jealous

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

yes I feel that jealousy is my worst character trait, though imo its justified as I know anyone else put in my shoes would also feel jealous all the time

im jealous over men who are taller than me (99% of men) and people who are more intelligent than me (99% of people)

 

[VoidDesirer22]

yes I feel that jealousy is my worst character trait, though imo its justified as I know anyone else put in my shoes would also feel jealous all the time

im jealous over men who are taller than me (99% of men) and people who are more intelligent than me (99% of people)

I think more than any of that I just wish I was bloody stable. But the emotionally stable + intelligence combo would be fking great. Height wouldn't matter much from there, but it would help to fit in.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

I think more than any of that I just wish I was bloody stable. But the emotionally stable + intelligence combo would be fking great. Height wouldn't matter much from there, but it would help to fit in.

for me I could never be emotionally stable and fulfilled without intelligence, ive always had extremely ambitious goals and I have only recently come to realize I dont have the mental capacity to ever achieve them... so now I want to die

 

[VoidDesirer22]

for me I could never be emotionally stable and fulfilled without intelligence, ive always had extremely ambitious goals and I have only recently come to realize I dont have the mental capacity to ever achieve them... so now I want to die

Fking hell do I relate to this. Hitting that wall of "oh shit, I'm actually at my limit when trying to achieve that. My potential really isn't there, no matter what anyone else says". Maybe we arrived at this from different thinking patterns. I do know that I am very sensitive to the fact that I have to put in more effort for minimal results that others can achieve fairly easily.

But, you see, stability with even average intelligence would be very beneficial for putting in many hours of work to catch up. There are people who have reached great heights of skill by specializing and putting in 10,000s of hours for it. This is impossible when depression has a home in your head. Procrastination is awfully comorbid with depression.

 

[Muse]

I always be jealous for all reasons possible. I am a mess.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

Fking hell do I relate to this. Hitting that wall of "oh shit, I'm actually at my limit when trying to achieve that. My potential really isn't there, no matter what anyone else says". Maybe we arrived at this from different thinking patterns. I do know that I am very sensitive to the fact that I have to put in more effort for minimal results that others can achieve fairly easily.

But, you see, stability with even average intelligence would be very beneficial for putting in many hours of work to catch up. There are people who have reached great heights of skill by specializing and putting in 10,000s of hours for it. This is impossible when depression has a home in your head. Procrastination is awfully comorbid with depression.

I arrived at the conclusion that I wasnt smart from a life of observing that the average person outperformed me in all tasks from intellectual to physical and then finding out about my brain damage.

for me im not even average intelligence, im so far below everyone else I would probably fuck up a shelf stacking job, I wasnt meant for this world

maybe emotional stability would be all I need if I learnt to settle for less but I dont think even thats achievable

 

[hopelessgirl]

I believe I have always felt high jealousy throughout my life.

Once for a certain girl who I wish I could be, and now for everyone who has N.

What have you felt jealous about?

Haha I'm jealous of those with n. But I'm fairly happy with my sn as well

I arrived at the conclusion that I wasnt smart from a life of observing that the average person outperformed me in all tasks from intellectual to physical and then finding out about my brain damage.

for me im not even average intelligence, im so far below everyone else I would probably fuck up a shelf stacking job, I wasnt meant for this world

maybe emotional stability would be all I need if I learnt to settle for less but I dont think even thats achievable

Why isn't it achievable for you to settle for less? If you don't mind me asking.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

I arrived at the conclusion that I wasnt smart from a life of observing that the average person outperformed me in all tasks from intellectual to physical and then finding out about my brain damage.

for me im not even average intelligence, im so far below everyone else I would probably fuck up a shelf stacking job, I wasnt meant for this world

maybe emotional stability would be all I need if I learnt to settle for less but I dont think even thats achievable

Oh brain damage from an accident? Sorry if this is insensitive. Feel free not to answer.

Haha I'm jealous of those with n. But I'm fairly happy with my sn as well

Why isn't it achievable for you to settle for less? If you don't mind me asking.

I was happy with my SN, but I've caught the N-bug and now I cannot stop thinking about it. I'm perfectionist and somehow not going with the best method available is daunting.

But yes, my SN is something I might resort to. I won't be too uncomfortable using it. A headache and a fast heartrate are bearable.

 

[Ready2GoNow2022]

Hell yes. I am most jealous of people who had a stable and nurturing childhood and those people who don't have mental illness.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

Oh brain damage from an accident? Sorry if this is insensitive. Feel free not to answer.

no its ok it wasnt insensitive, I like being pitied lol. Its from prenatal drug/alcohol exposure

I was happy with my SN, but I've caught the N-bug and now I cannot stop thinking about it. I'm perfectionist and somehow not going with the best method available is daunting.

But yes, my SN is something I might resort to. I won't be too uncomfortable using it. A headache and a fast heartrate are bearable.

I relate to your worries, I dont know what my method will be yet but SN or N is what I will look into first

I wish a painless instant method was something we all had access too

 

[VoidDesirer22]

no its ok it wasnt insensitive, I like being pitied lol. Its from prenatal drug/alcohol exposure

Such a thing makes me grimace out of despair. Not even in the world yet, and already being set behind the pack from uncontrollable circumstance. But I guess none of us get to choose, so it is a luck of the draw. And most draws fucking suck!

 

[fox_wannabe]

I feel jealous for normal people. People who are handsome are wanted by females, people who seam cool, successful and cocky, because they can be cocky. People who are taller than me, who don't look like they are perpetually stuck physically and mentally at age of 17.
Sometimes I forget. Sometimes It bothers me. Sometimes I just wish for It to all disappear and I could not care less in what body I am and what is my mind like.

 

[.............]

The only people I'm jealous of are those who don't want to CTB at this point.

 

[FuneralCry]

At this point, I am only envious of those that are free from this world, because if you do not exist you are incapable of suffering. I do not envy anyone who is alive, all life is meaningless anyway and nothing really matters as we will all die eventually. There is nothing that I want from this life and nothing would ever make me want to live.

 

[NaturalBornNEET]

Such a thing makes me grimace out of despair. Not even in the world yet, and already being set behind the pack from uncontrollable circumstance. But I guess none of us get to choose, so it is a luck of the draw. And most draws fucking suck!

I agree its all so unfair, I dont see success or failure in life as a choice but something that genes and environment one is born into decide. Mother nature is such an unfair toxic bitch, and if an all powerful all knowing god exists they are most certainly an evil sadistic bitch

its just a big dog eat little dog world, and I sometimes find myself jealous of the big dogs but most the time I resent them and this predatory system and just want to leave this hellish world

 

[tieiwi]

I've been jealous of people since I gained consciousness. I'd be jealous of other kids and their relationship with their parents. Jealous of kids with nice moms who didn't scream on the top of their lungs for every minor inconvenience. I would almost cry seeing moms be nice to their kids. In high school I was jealous of parents who were actively apart of their kids school lives. Helping them with where they want to go for college. Helping them prepare. Now I'm jealous of people who have their life together. I'm jealous of people with normal families with no stupid drama. I'm jealous of people for their accomplishments. I can't even get out of bed. It's pathetic.