I feel the same way. I told my mother about a previous attempt and it ended with her getting angry and me having to console and comfort HER. I told my pastor at my church and at first he was dismissive, and then he got angry and called me selfish. I went to a therapist and told him that suicidal people often have problems based on socioeconomic class that he probably couldn't relate, and he dumped me as a patient. I called the suicide hotline and they acted like I was just wasting their time. My boyfriend knows I have depression, but he flat out said he doesn't want to be my therapist. (Frankly, I don't blame him for not wanting to be my therapist. It's really not his job and he is good to me aside from that.)
In all of these interactions, I was calm, polite, and level-headed. And each time, the people I reached out to blew up on me before I could even get to the meat of the conversation.
So now my run-of-the-mill depression has morphed into psychotic depression. I had my first psychotic break seven years ago and have to quit my job and start over from scratch every time I feel another one coming on. This is the stupidest timeline I've ever seen and I resent whatever entity tricked me into coming into this world.
I'm sorry that happened to you, I can see how destructive that's built on you, from your own parents to people designed for this, even your
boyfriend? I give you the best wishes, it sounds miserable, and I hope you'll find peace soon.
It's just proven over and over that talking to someone isn't a mentally safe method. In fact, from the similarities of when I told someone to when you told your mother and pastor, it seems people reflect this type of method in a harmful way.
It
can sometimes help if you talk to the right person that can help get you out of your head. But also from my experience 99% of the time the advice "talk to someone!" or "call the suicide hotline!" is thrown in our faces because people just don't know what else to do. Feels outright dismissive. Oh well. Can't exactly expect others to save us I guess.
Exactly. It's oversimplification at it's finest, because yes it works to an extent, but it's not the answer.
It's one of the worst feelings to open up about something very personal and painful to you when you don't feel comfortable. It is even worse when the person you just poured out all this shit to is dismissive or outright nasty with you about it. Using it against you, forcing it out of you, telling other people behind your back, looking down on you, etc. are all the shitty things that have happened when I've told someone. Every time I've tried to talk to people it is generally the same reaction, whenever I do talk it leaves a sour taste in your mouth and makes you regret your decision to tell them in the first place.
I can relate with the sour taste, I feel something gross like I just said something I shouldn't have. People expect you to open up just naturally, not realizing there is a lot of processing that goes through someone's mind when they hear the words "tell me what's on your mind" or "what's wrong", you also have to be in the right mindset with the right person.
