Venting Would rather die than "talk to someone" about my feelings

[sourcreamonion]

Literally.

Wish people would stop giving the common and half-assed excuse to "talk to a friend/family" and saying "it's bad to bottle things up". No one in their worst moments wants to be told "just talk to someone".

 

[stillweary]

I feel the same way. I told my mother about a previous attempt and it ended with her getting angry and me having to console and comfort HER. I told my pastor at my church and at first he was dismissive, and then he got angry and called me selfish. I went to a therapist and told him that suicidal people often have problems based on socioeconomic class that he probably couldn't relate, and he dumped me as a patient. I called the suicide hotline and they acted like I was just wasting their time. My boyfriend knows I have depression, but he flat out said he doesn't want to be my therapist. (Frankly, I don't blame him for not wanting to be my therapist. It's really not his job and he is good to me aside from that.)

In all of these interactions, I was calm, polite, and level-headed. And each time, the people I reached out to blew up on me before I could even get to the meat of the conversation.

So now my run-of-the-mill depression has morphed into psychotic depression. I had my first psychotic break seven years ago and have to quit my job and start over from scratch every time I feel another one coming on. This is the stupidest timeline I've ever seen and I resent whatever entity tricked me into coming into this world.

 

[casctb]

It's one of the worst feelings to open up about something very personal and painful to you when you don't feel comfortable. It is even worse when the person you just poured out all this shit to is dismissive or outright nasty with you about it. Using it against you, forcing it out of you, telling other people behind your back, looking down on you, etc. are all the shitty things that have happened when I've told someone. Every time I've tried to talk to people it is generally the same reaction, whenever I do talk it leaves a sour taste in your mouth and makes you regret your decision to tell them in the first place.

 

[Bct]

I understand why some people don't want to talk about their feelings to others, because others can be so harsh or even dismissing our sufferings. It's also shit because talking won't alleviate our sufferings that much. Even some had offered to talk about my feelings, I don't think they'll be ready to hear about my deepest feeling (especially about suicide) so I tend to share only about the surface.

 

[ItsAllTooLate]

It can sometimes help if you talk to the right person that can help get you out of your head. But also from my experience 99% of the time the advice "talk to someone!" or "call the suicide hotline!" is thrown in our faces because people just don't know what else to do. Feels outright dismissive. Oh well. Can't exactly expect others to save us I guess.

 

[sourcreamonion]

I feel the same way. I told my mother about a previous attempt and it ended with her getting angry and me having to console and comfort HER. I told my pastor at my church and at first he was dismissive, and then he got angry and called me selfish. I went to a therapist and told him that suicidal people often have problems based on socioeconomic class that he probably couldn't relate, and he dumped me as a patient. I called the suicide hotline and they acted like I was just wasting their time. My boyfriend knows I have depression, but he flat out said he doesn't want to be my therapist. (Frankly, I don't blame him for not wanting to be my therapist. It's really not his job and he is good to me aside from that.)

In all of these interactions, I was calm, polite, and level-headed. And each time, the people I reached out to blew up on me before I could even get to the meat of the conversation.

So now my run-of-the-mill depression has morphed into psychotic depression. I had my first psychotic break seven years ago and have to quit my job and start over from scratch every time I feel another one coming on. This is the stupidest timeline I've ever seen and I resent whatever entity tricked me into coming into this world.

I'm sorry that happened to you, I can see how destructive that's built on you, from your own parents to people designed for this, even your boyfriend? I give you the best wishes, it sounds miserable, and I hope you'll find peace soon.

It's just proven over and over that talking to someone isn't a mentally safe method. In fact, from the similarities of when I told someone to when you told your mother and pastor, it seems people reflect this type of method in a harmful way.

It can sometimes help if you talk to the right person that can help get you out of your head. But also from my experience 99% of the time the advice "talk to someone!" or "call the suicide hotline!" is thrown in our faces because people just don't know what else to do. Feels outright dismissive. Oh well. Can't exactly expect others to save us I guess.

Exactly. It's oversimplification at it's finest, because yes it works to an extent, but it's not the answer.

It's one of the worst feelings to open up about something very personal and painful to you when you don't feel comfortable. It is even worse when the person you just poured out all this shit to is dismissive or outright nasty with you about it. Using it against you, forcing it out of you, telling other people behind your back, looking down on you, etc. are all the shitty things that have happened when I've told someone. Every time I've tried to talk to people it is generally the same reaction, whenever I do talk it leaves a sour taste in your mouth and makes you regret your decision to tell them in the first place.

I can relate with the sour taste, I feel something gross like I just said something I shouldn't have. People expect you to open up just naturally, not realizing there is a lot of processing that goes through someone's mind when they hear the words "tell me what's on your mind" or "what's wrong", you also have to be in the right mindset with the right person.

 

[draw a circle]

Mood but I'm the resident go-to therapist for some people in my life just because I'm majoring in psych in college and most people are not that desperate to die so it's easier to talk them down. And mostly they do have a way out and it helps to talk to someone first sometimes but I get that not everyone will respond to a suicide contemplation calmly. Even I wouldn't tell anyone about how I'm seriously considering ctb (as opposed to just joking about "ugh i wanna die" like I usually do). I feel like when I'm gone nobody would even expected it because I won't tell them shit until the end. Sometimes I also want to try telling someone, or to get therapy, but I ain't got no money, time, or courage for that.

 

[Sinai Silence]

It does feel good to talk to people, its just finding anyone to listen to and actually give a rats ass which seems to be. I've found that talking to people on here has brought me a lot of comfort and I feel safe to be honest with them. Its not going to bring all the peace I desire but it helps.

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

Most people don't seem understand why we would want to take our own lives, because their lives are the most valuable thing to them. In their minds, there must be something wrong with us to feel this way. So we need help. Professional help.

I can really only discuss my feelings with like-minded people, here on SS. Even so, there are some things I dare not voice to anyone. I would, in fact, rather die.

 

[lostangel]

The thing about talking to people is that you don't know their mindset. They might just be ready to tell others about you in a bad way. People appearing to be helpful but have sinister intentions. I have experienced this personally.

 

[LADY007]

Literally.

Wish people would stop giving the common and half-assed excuse to "talk to a friend/family" and saying "it's bad to bottle things up". No one in their worst moments wants to be told "just talk to someone".

I agree.. I have been talking to experts for 3 decades now and I can ask myself the questions they have asked me. I took a Genomind DNA test and found the genes i have are deficient and explain why I have anxiety and depression. The test is done by swabing the inside of your mouth and that is sent to a lab. Then your psychiatrist gets a report back and it charts which meds you should try and which ones will not work well based on your individual make up. All the talking in the world isn't going to fix that.

 

[TAW122]

I feel the same way too. There is (nearly) nothing good that comes out of opening up while the worst case scenario is getting saved or intervened against when you actually want to go. At best, I hear just inane platitudes while they dismiss and discount my experiences, write them off as trivial which only diminishes my claims and grievances.

So now I just vent here to like-minded people who are much less likely to discount or dismiss my woes and/or would not try to dissuade me from either decision I make (whether it is to hold on a bit longer or CTB to find peace).

 

[DeathNoot]

I always feel worse when I talk about it. Regret it every time.