Discussion Would a guaranteed Plan B change how you view life?

[Lish]

As my ctb plan comes together, I find myself feeling different. I am anxious for my firearms license to show up in the mail. Gun shop is a thirty minute drive from me. 72 hours from the deposit, I can have it in my hands. The keys to freedom.

If you had a guaranteed, painless, quick ctb, how would that make you feel in your final days? I feel as though I am finally about to have control over my life. It feels as though the world around me loses any meaning, in a good way.

I feel as though I am no longer about to be trapped or caged. Having the key to your own prison must be exhilarating.

 

[Eventually_An_Angel]

if i had a guaranteed painless quick ctb i wouldnt have final days. soon as i obtain that mystical fantasy object im usin it

 

[SufferingNSilence]

I don't "have the key yet" so to speak....although Ive been wondering that myself very recently.. How will it make me feel & such. I guess I'll know if I order the SN(is my choice at the moment). Ohmygosh--ya know, I almost forgot! So I "thought I DID have my answer waiting for me" over this past June/July(well so I thought I did). So just thinking if I burned some charcoal on a mini grill in a room with a cracked window or in my car...I thought I could cbt by carbon monoxide poisoning. I had went and bought a large bag of charcoal, one of those mini grills & the things that help it get hot quicker. I just knew I had my back-up plan. I'm in the U.S. btw...and I say that bc then I started reading how the charcoal that singer used to ctb in Japan was "more pure than the U.S." and all kinds of other things that basically had me realize *I hadn't thought/researched that plan out accordingly enough*(esp with the time frame if I was going to do it in the house!). I started to imagine soot covering the whole place. I yiee yiee, so no bueno on that plan..(unless I had maybe a partner we could pretend like we're going camping and light it in a tent). Anyway!...I do recall "a certain bit of peace that gave me". Too bad it was pretty short-lived though. It's actually how I stumbled on finding this site, I do believe.

It's past 2am on my time so I getting ready to hit the bed here soon. But its funny, I forgot all about the charcoal experience as I'm getting pretty tired. If I had a plan to ctb with a gun, I could see how that would really heighten the feeling! Sheesh, Idk if I would have the courage to go through with a gun tho tbh. Ive only owned one gun in my life which was a Taurus 9mm. I had a little practice shooting that and also a group of us shot off a friend of mines new 9mm. I didn't like how the trigger was on mine tho as it was kind of it seemed. My fiance(who had gifted me the gun, agreed it was kinda stiff to him too when he shot it...& he knew his guns at that time!). But omg, they wanted me to try and AR-15, some sub-2000 I think they called it, and even had a darn Tommy gun too lol! [Sigh] The good ol' days, when there were still lots of smiles.

I kinda type how I talk Iv'e been told. So sometimes if a memory comes to mind...I just share it. Why not right.

All in all, I REEEALLY LIKED how you put into words saying: "Having the key to your own prison must be exhilarating." ---->That's the Money Line right there Buddy!
I most Def feel like all of us in this forum are in our "own prison's" (to one extent or another) and we are certainly looking for that KEY...only to then finally feel that last
Lvely sounding word that you used 'exhilarating'(ahhh, oh so poetically~~I'd like to keep in that mindset & to you our friend, in the end
& to whatever is beyond~~~~~

 

[eeah]

i could end it within a few hours with a quick trip to academy so ig i fit the criteria. it doesnt rly feel real since i dont have a gun in my possession tho. but its a nice feeling id say bcs it makes the ideation hit better. and knowing i can always end it is relaxing in a way but also very stressful in another

 

[ijustwishtodie]

If I had a peaceful, painless way out of here, I'd escape existence asap. My final days would be at peace as I have control to end my life and end my suffering. Unfortunately that isn't the case in reality meaning that I'm trapped here

 

[FuneralCry]

I'd just feel so relieved to have a guaranteed, painless way to just die, it's all I've ever hoped for, all I personally wish for is peace from the cruel and futile burden of human existence, to me existence just feels like a mistake. I wish I could just die painlessly and never suffer ever again, I'd always prefer to not exist than prolong all the suffering just to die in agony from old age, ceasing to exist truly would solve what the ultimate problem for me which is existence itself, I have no interest in suffering in this torturous, meaningless existence.