Venting Worst Part Of The Day

[GarageKarate07]

I have been alone for months and this has always been the worst part of the day. Everyone is asleep online and off in my circle. I have tried to get with friends and family to spend time around living beings. It helps but it gets dark again real fast. Like a bright colored blanket thats heavy as hell on my body. The outside sees a pretty design but it's dark and cold from my perspective. Don't get me wrong, I hate people and I should love having this freedom. I just don't. The bad thoughts creep in and won't let go. I wish I had someone to call. I wish I had someone to sit with. Not even to talk about MY problems but just talk about nothing. Sometimes venting helps but sometimes just talking about things that are not important are even better. Texting on here helps a little but it's not the same. Then you go out around people and it reminds you that you don't get "along" with them. Back inside for another lunch with your own demons. Why does it seem so hard to just connect? I get stuck in my head and unintentionally ignore the people I'm with. Now nobody is here. Why does that hurt so much? I think I would "give up" on me as well but I don't give up on other people. It's just hard this time of night until the sun comes up alone. Like I'm a monster in the dark. The yo-yo of emotions is hard to deal with. I fear the world so that doesn't help either. Where is the level ground? Why do I have this and it seems nobody else does? Its just so damn hard. It's also exhausting. It feels like a triathlon. Like I ran across the world while sitting in my bed. My muscles hurt from the shaking and the intensity. Waiting for the next bad bad thing to come blow down my tiny straw fort. I spent all day on that fort. Is the end my only real escape? Is that how my story ends here? What was the point? It's hard to see down the tunnel and think there is going to be anything good there. Even when things are at thier best. That's not right. So I finally sleep. I wake up and get a little sun before dark. Coffee and nicotine and sometimes booze for breakfast. A few chores and the "day" is over. Alone again as the monsters come down from the attic to play. I found a baby snake today and moved him from the road to some bushes. That made my day and I figured you guys would like to see it. It might be a "He" it might be non-binary. I didn't think to ask.

 

[fred farkle]

I am Mr. Lonely!

 

[Thegoldenapples]

I understand the feeling of being alone. I don't work, cut myslef off from everyone, went off all social media and staying on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I got so sick, I couldn't deal with the world at all. Closest shop is 45 mins drive. Now I've gotten so used to being in this disconnected hole, i jsut don't want to see people at all. I felt like I went through mental trauma from being so disconnected from the world, was intense, now my minds adapted, so the thought of re-entering the world makes me want to cbt more. I didn't even think of cbt until the disconnection happened. Its a plus you want to be with people and I saw the other day that you might get be getting a new job. That's a good change and will be good for you to be around people more. You say you focus on others but might be good to focus on you and your current friendships.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I understand the feeling of being alone. I don't work, cut myslef off from everyone, went off all social media and staying on a farm in the middle of nowhere. I got so sick, I couldn't deal with the world at all. Closest shop is 45 mins drive. Now I've gotten so used to being in this disconnected hole, i jsut don't want to see people at all. I felt like I went through mental trauma from being so disconnected from the world, was intense, now my minds adapted, so the thought of re-entering the world makes me want to cbt more. I didn't even think of cbt until the disconnection happened. Its a plus you want to be with people and I saw the other day that you might get be getting a new job. That's a good change and will be good for you to be around people more. You say you focus on others but might be good to focus on you and your current friendships.

I am trying to see how I am going alone. I have always had a partner financially at least to make things easier. I do not do well on my own and jobs are very hard for me. Plus my health is in decline. Even with the new job the deck feels stacked against me. I am trying so hard to stay positive. I'm just so broken that I cant see any way back or forward. It's not even having a partner or money. I just feel like I have no place here in this world. Like I came here for a reason and unfortunately that reason seems over. I feel like something wants me to keep going and I want to try and see where that leads. I just don't have any reason to trust that feeling. All I see is my lessons ending in pain. I am trying to give it a good shot. I just have a lot of baggage to heal from. It's like a big circle and I don't like it. I will keep my eyes open for paths to change that circle. I'm aware of many of the things you said. I just dont have a support circle and it will take time to build.

 

[Thegoldenapples]

Yeah I totally know what you mean. You're doing really well so try not be too hard yourself. It's a hard position to be in. The fact that you're hanging on and trying shows a lot about your strength.

 

[HarpoMarx]

Thank you for what you've done with that beautiful creature.

And I feel your words as mine. I have had that feeling for many years, and its onlt been increased since i moved 12.000 km away from my family and friends. I kind of escaped from them, but I very often miss talking about nothing and going out for a whisky with a friend. Im completely alone in a country where 90% of the people does not speak my language and can effectively communicate with me.

This is not the first time I read something from you that impresses me. I got to admit you are one of my favourites completely strangers.

Best of luck with your monsters, dear GarageKarate. And feel free to PM me anytime you want, if you need someone to talk to about nothing (the "nothigness" reminds me of Seinfeld). Im a good reader, cinemae and music person. :). However, my English is not always the best.

In my case, my passions (books, movies and music) keep me alive. They never abandoned me, not even now that im trully alone.

 

[GarageKarate07]

Thank you for what you've done with that beautiful creature.

And I feel your words as mine. I have had that feeling for many years, and its onlt been increased since i moved 12.000 km away from my family and friends. I kind of escaped from them, but I very often miss talking about nothing and going out for a whisky with a friend. Im completely alone in a country where 90% of the people does not speak my language and can effectively communicate with me.

This is not the first time I read something from you that impresses me. I got to admit you are one of my favourites completely strangers.

Best of luck with your monsters, dear GarageKarate. And feel free to PM me anytime you want, if you need someone to talk to about nothing (the "nothigness" reminds me of Seinfeld). Im a good reader, cinemae and music person. :). However, my English is not always the best.

In my case, my passions (books, movies and music) keep me alive. They never abandoned me, not even now that im trully alone.

I play with animals and bugs all the time. I catch them safely and look at them and put them back. If I see one in a bad place I will rescue it. This baby snake was not in danger but it was very close to the cars and a cat might have found it. This turtle was tangled in some moss where a bird would have found it.

Feeling alone is not easy for anyone. Even a person who does not speak the language can still be a person to know. My case is I am also ill. I did not mention it as much in this post. I feel my time is very short anyway so this makes matters all the more hard.

I like movies and stories. I am an artist and a creative writer as a hobby. I like Seinfeld as well because it was simple and funny. Stories don't need to be complex. A simple feeling is very powerful.

 

[LunarPyotr]

I am Mr. Lonely!

I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody
For my own..


Thanks.. Your comment immediately made me think about this song : P

 

[HarpoMarx]

I play with animals and bugs all the time. I catch them safely and look at them and put them back. If I see one in a bad place I will rescue it. This baby snake was not in danger but it was very close to the cars and a cat might have found it. This turtle was tangled View attachment 62027in some moss where a bird would have found it.

Feeling alone is not easy for anyone. Even a person who does not speak the language can still be a person to know. My case is I am also ill. I did not mention it as much in this post. I feel my time is very short anyway so this makes matters all the more hard.

I like movies and stories. I am an artist and a creative writer as a hobby. I like Seinfeld as well because it was simple and funny. Stories don't need to be complex. A simple feeling is very powerful.

I wish the best for you. To me, you deserve it. What you do with living things speaks for itself.

Being connected to living things makes us much less lonely IMO, although I understand it might not be "the same". I rescue cats in here. I rented a big house and i try to help animals as much as i can. They are not always treated as deserved in here. But I still wasnt able to teach them how to speak, or at least to understand me so they can hear my complains about living.


I send you an honest hug.