LateDecember
Member
- Sep 2, 2022
- 9
I've been at a family members wedding and being around my adoptive family and back in my home state temporarily made me feel like being alive, so I fucked up and called my partner and told her what I was feeling. This isn't the first time I've been suicidal and she's dealt with this before, but after talking to her this time I know I need to succeed on my next attempt. I can't survive and make her endure this again. She doesn't deserve that. She's such an amazing person and I want her to have a good life, but it's not like I can make her understand that my presence will absolutely prevent her from having that. Anyway, now I'm frustrated because I have to work extra hard to keep this from her. I'm already in therapy and lying to the therapist is such a pain. I don't know that I have the energy to convince her and my brother and my therapist I'm okay. I'm so frustrated with myself.