Work?

[Ruffian]

Anyone else here primarily for that reason? I wish I could post more details, but I always fear being doxxed or someone finding out and I still have to make a living. "Making a living" even sounds terrible to me, because making a living is what's driving me ctb. If I don't ctb prematurely, it will probably kill me some other way. It's already driven me to some really horrible ends and I've tried for years to find something else. I have an advanced degree that is virtually useless in another field, while no one will hire me just to do something simple or entry level. Then I feel really terrible because I know there are so many people who want to work but can't. I've tried getting disability, but I've been deemed ineligible. I try to find solutions and just can't. It bleeds into my evenings, weekends (obviously,) and holidays. I've stopped seeing my friends and family and every day is just a struggle to find any type of happiness. It's been this way since at least 2013 and I just don't see it getting better.

 

[Youthanasia]

Neet for 7 years

I blame my parents

Yet to find someone who disagrees

 

[Ruffian]

Neet for 7 years

I blame my parents

Yet to find someone who disagrees

Do you mean they made you pick your work? I almost wish mine would have forced me to do something that paid more and I would have had less expectations about leading a happy life. I figured out at a young age that love would probably be disappointing but expected to enjoy my work. I think there is a huge false narrative in the US that you can find meaningful work and be happy if you just try hard enough.

 

[Roberto]

Anyone else here primarily for that reason? I wish I could post more details, but I always fear being doxxed or someone finding out and I still have to make a living. "Making a living" even sounds terrible to me, because making a living is what's driving me ctb. If I don't ctb prematurely, it will probably kill me some other way. It's already driven me to some really horrible ends and I've tried for years to find something else. I have an advanced degree that is virtually useless in another field, while no one will hire me just to do something simple or entry level. Then I feel really terrible because I know there are so many people who want to work but can't. I've tried getting disability, but I've been deemed ineligible. I try to find solutions and just can't. It bleeds into my evenings, weekends (obviously,) and holidays. I've stopped seeing my friends and family and every day is just a struggle to find any type of happiness. It's been this way since at least 2013 and I just don't see it getting better.

I feel the same. I tried to have a disability. I don't want to take job from others. I feel a problem. I can't make a normal life. I can't get a girlfriend. I can't have a job. ... I can't see any kind of bright future.

 

[Youthanasia]

Do you mean they made you pick your work? I almost wish mine would have forced me to do something that paid more and I would have had less expectations about leading a happy life. I figured out at a young age that love would probably be disappointing but expected to enjoy my work. I think there is a huge false narrative in the US that you can find meaningful work and be happy if you just try hard enough.

No they neglected 2 years of my late highschool life after years of top tier education when my mother was depressed. She kicked me out of home when i was also depressed skipping classes and I went to live with the broke failure that my father was just to listen to his garbage talk about how i should give up on the thought pf college like he did, to earn 200 USDs or so a month (Not US).

I did my homework and studied the shit out of 'middle' high school to do the final 3 years in a respectable institution that requires an entrance exam in which i passed in first place out of over 1000 just to find out it was swarmed by incompetent communists that can't correct a college entrance exam exercise without spending two weeks.

When i turned my attention to my prowess in video-games, I had to quit because a car, a new house, barbecue stations, cigarretes, cellphones, televisions and king sized beds were moee important than a future.

5 years later, I don't have a highschool degree and I don't I own a computer. But hey I have a fucking smart tv, a good phone and cigarretes. And a car. But hey, why would I need a computer at this point. It's not like I can just ignore the fact that i'm 8 years behing everyone else in a country that struggles to get going.

 

[lululoo]

Anyone else here primarily for that reason? I wish I could post more details, but I always fear being doxxed or someone finding out and I still have to make a living. "Making a living" even sounds terrible to me, because making a living is what's driving me ctb. If I don't ctb prematurely, it will probably kill me some other way. It's already driven me to some really horrible ends and I've tried for years to find something else. I have an advanced degree that is virtually useless in another field, while no one will hire me just to do something simple or entry level. Then I feel really terrible because I know there are so many people who want to work but can't. I've tried getting disability, but I've been deemed ineligible. I try to find solutions and just can't. It bleeds into my evenings, weekends (obviously,) and holidays. I've stopped seeing my friends and family and every day is just a struggle to find any type of happiness. It's been this way since at least 2013 and I just don't see it getting better.

I can't say work is the primary reason because I have other bigger problems (chronic illness/pain, being loveless and alone). But it is a problem in that even if my other ones were fixed, I think I'd still struggle with hating my career and having no interest in any jobs out there. Work has also probably contributed to my poor health. I hate working so much.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Its not my main reason but its definitely a reason. I have been unemployed for a while now and looking for jobs is soul crushing but thats another story. When I was working I hated every min of it because it was a customer service job. Even if I wasnt planning to ctb I just cant imagine doing the same terrible mundane job for the next 40 years for what?...just to die anyway. Its so pointless to me. And then people always say "get a job in something you love"...right...thats easier said than done because not all of us are actually passionate about a field of work or can obtain the education. And then there is the matter of experience, I cant get hired with out experience but I cant get experience if I dont work. It seems so many people get jobs thru their social net work or friends and when you have none that makes it all the more harder and hopeless.

 

[Divine Trinity]

Neet for 7 years

I blame my parents

Yet to find someone who disagrees

Usually people only blame the parents by saying they didn't beat and/or torture their kids enough. Or you're just a "bad egg" that needs to be tossed out. Then people scratch their heads when suicide and drug use rise.

 

[Kyrok]

I am struggling with work because of chronic pain. Like @Ruffian , I have an advanced degree with no value outside my field. Fortunately, though, I have a good job. The problem is I can't tolerate sitting at my desk any longer. Hoping to move from research into admin..

 

[TheFinalCountdown]

Work: being somewhere you don't really want to be, doing something you don't really want to do for 8 hours a day every day. If that's the cost of living then I'm not buying

 

[Ruffian]

I am struggling with work because of chronic pain. Like @Ruffian , I have an advanced degree with no value outside my field. Fortunately, though, I have a good job. The problem is I can't tolerate sitting at my desk any longer. Hoping to move from research into admin..

I hope you find something. When I had to sit all day my chronic pain went through the roof - it was unbelievable to me. People still can't believe I didn't want to stay in a "cushy" desk job. It was very very slightly better emotionally, but damn 8 hrs a day at a desk on a computer is absolute hell to me.

 

[Bärchen]

Work is a good distraction and i can escape my stupid brain for 9h. I often cry because i'm lonely and at work it never happens cause i have things to do.

 

[Kyrok]

I hope you find something. When I had to sit all day my chronic pain went through the roof - it was unbelievable to me. People still can't believe I didn't want to stay in a "cushy" desk job. It was very very slightly better emotionally, but damn 8 hrs a day at a desk on a computer is absolute hell to me.

Until my breakdown, my routine was 9am-5pm writing, dinner, 7pm-11pm writing, every day... taking oxycodone throughout. I finished my last book in bed as I was in too much pain to be at my desk. While I love the work, pain just has become too severe. Next week I find out if I'm picked for the administration job I interviewed for earlier this week. I'll still be at a desk, but not for as many hours and not requiring the intense focus for large blocks of time.

 

[JadedGray]

Being unemployed and on disability has added to my feelings of worthlessness, but at the same time I wouldn't feel any more happy working, it would be just a distraction and a way to kill time, the way that school was for me. In the end I don't accomplish anything and it wouldn't matter. My life would be in the same repetitive cycle it is now.

 

[Weems]

Work: being somewhere you don't really want to be, doing something you don't really want to do for 8 hours a day every day. If that's the cost of living then I'm not buying

I cannot stand it. ("Gifted" kid who became college dropout doing grunt work at 30, so no surprise there.)

I've told my parents about my wanting to catch the bus and they're worried, of course. But look at the alternative. Decades of dragging my ass to work I hate just to keep myself fed. That's good, I can ruminate on my failure more that way. Gimme a good half-century of remembering the classes where I chose not to pay attention, the sports I quit, the women who liked me before they wised up...

 

[Righttodie]

Work: being somewhere you don't really want to be, doing something you don't really want to do for 8 hours a day every day. If that's the cost of living then I'm not buying

Same

 

[JadedGray]

I cannot stand it. ("Gifted" kid who became college dropout doing grunt work at 30, so no surprise there.)

I've told my parents about my wanting to catch the bus and they're worried, of course. But look at the alternative. Decades of dragging my ass to work I hate just to keep myself fed. That's good, I can ruminate on my failure more that way. Gimme a good half-century of remembering the classes where I chose not to pay attention, the sports I quit, the women who liked me before they wised up...

Unfortunately, these days it seems like the only options are being a wageslave or a NEET. Having no future prospects beyond those is enough reason to not want to continue living.

 

[LaBrava]

Work is the big one for me too. Often hated the job I made a career of, many weeks of depression and anxiety. Now those jobs have virtually gone, I'm stuck in minimum wage retail which is utter hell and doesn't even pay what I need to live.

 

[Jean Améry]

Primarily? No. To me it is a contributing factor in that I consider work to be a necessary evil and it certainly contributes to my conviction that life ultimately is not worth it.

In less than two months I'll finally be free of my current job which I hate and which has contributed to my current depression. Of course I'll have to find another one which is stressful but hopefully it'll be more interesting.

The thought of having to spent 10 hours a day 5 days a week working and travelling to work and back untill retirement is depressing in and of itself: how can life ever be worthwhile when you're forced to spend so large a portion of your available time on earth doing paid labour merely to subsist?

I can hardly motivate myself to go to work let alone actually do what I have to do there. Luckily I still have a lot of leave days saved so at least I can leave there earlier. I'll breath a sigh of relief when it'll be be my last day there.

I wish I could make this nightmare stop, I really do.

 

[Bjsnode28]

I recently started a new job and I thought it was a brand new start up until one of the supervisors decided he didn't like me for whatever reason. He would pull people aside to ask them to keep an eye out for for me and if I do anything wrong to report back to him

 

[Misanthrope]

Being unemployed and on disability has added to my feelings of worthlessness, but at the same time I wouldn't feel any more happy working, it would be just a distraction and a way to kill time, the way that school was for me. In the end I don't accomplish anything and it wouldn't matter. My life would be in the same repetitive cycle it is now.

Don't buy into societies lies. You are not worthless for either of those things. It is all such a rigged game. One that is not worth tying your self worth to.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/you-are-not-worthless-unemployment.11143/

 

[JadedGray]

Don't buy into societies lies. You are not worthless for either of those things. It is all such a rigged game. One that is not worth tying your self worth to.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/you-are-not-worthless-unemployment.11143/

Thank you. I actually read that thread after I had typed that post. Even though I agree with your sentiments and realize that this is something that I've been conditioned into believing, it still doesn't make it easier to stop this feeling. I've always cared too much about what others think and how they perceive me and let it affect how I see myself and my opinions/beliefs.