Venting Work and the rat race

[BlueVolt]

Hi everyone,

I would like to start a topic about work in this capitalist world because I think this aspect of life often makes me want to CTB.

To sum up, I have never been able to keep a normal job, I avoided it for a long time by very long studies (it's hard but you can have your own rythm and this made the difference for me).

I suffer from several mental illnesses and this causes me chronic exhaustion, I think I had a burn-out when I was a student and now I am not able to focus anymore. It's like every effort that I make requires an incredible amount of rest. And of course this amount is not compatible with a full-time job. I tried and it lasted only a few months, then I had the biggest depression of my life and tried to CTB.
I don't know why I am like this, my illnesses are not specifically work-related but this is still my main trigger.

Now I am unemployed and seen as disabled (officially I mean) but I still need to find a job some day and I know I cannot run the rat race. I always think that I am lazy and weak, that everyone suffers and I am complaining for nothing but really I don't want to live a life of constant suffering because of a job. I don't think this is a life worth living and if this is the only solution I don't want it.

So if some people here relate, I would be happy to share about this topic. Maybe some of us encountered the same problems and found a solution.

 

[nobodycaresaboutme]

Hi,
I really feel you. I am also unemployed too because I burned out in the previous workplace. If you are not feeling ready, you don't have to find a job. You are not lazy but suffering. Are there any government welfare programs in your country? If you're struggling to make ends meet, they'll help you solve financial worries. Then you can focus on dealing with your mental health issues. I wish you the best. Sending a hug

 

[BlueVolt]

Hi,
I really feel you. I am also unemployed too because I burned out in the previous workplace. If you are not feeling ready, you don't have to find a job. You are not lazy but suffering. Are there any government welfare programs in your country? If you're struggling to make ends meet, they'll help you solve financial worries. Then you can focus on dealing with your mental health issues. I wish you the best. Sending a hug

Hi !
Sorry to read that you burned out. I hope you'll find a better job some day if that's what you want !
Yes, I am in a country known for its welfare programs and this may have saved my life.
I don't have financial worries (for now). It's just that I know I will never be able to work full-time. It's just too much, in terms of the energy it requires. I really want to work though. I won't recover from my mental health issues, I can just manage the symptoms and try to have a good life anyway (which is already a lot !).
I really want to do something meaningful and useful but everyone (even people with no mental illnesses) seems to suffer from their work, either because of a lack of meaning or because of the pressure. Around me there are so many people who are destroyed by their work, and some of them were also thinking about CTB mainly because of it. This seems to be a global problem in this society.

Maybe there is a place for me somewhere but for now I feel lost.
Thank you for your support

 

[Lions303]

Well whats your dream? What do you want to be doing? Trust you don't just 'want to be working', you may feel that right now and can completely understand, if you just have anything what will happen is you will want nothing more but to want to not work.

 

[derpyderpins]

Having to do normal life is a constant struggle for me, so I feel you.

I've had burnout to varying degrees probably since I was 19. I've remained "high functioning," but my neurodivergence is a major hindrance that people don't understand. I have dealt with a lot of the same doubts and guilt about being "lazy" and whatnot. Basically it's executive functioning issues. I'm a lawyer, and I can write a beautiful argument that considers things other people wouldn't think of and when I'm zoned in I can get them done relatively quickly; but a short email I have to respond to can cost me hours of stress. People don't get it, and it's hard to explain. A lot about it is insufficient time for rest, and incompatibility with regular working schedules and the 9-5. I got fired from a job a couple years ago because of my inefficiency dropping, which now is something that will be in the back of my mind, and I have to have anxiety that my not doing some small task will have huge consequences.

I haven't found a fix. But one solace for me over the past couple years is understanding myself better and how my struggles connect to the state of the world. As you said, I think more and more people are running into this type of issue. It's given me some comfort to personally research and consider why that is. Also, as someone who never got mental health treatment until my late 20s, and therefore no formal diagnosis at a young age, I've gotten a lot of assurance by introspecting and evaluating my past for why I behaved the way I behaved or had the issues I had.

I guess the other thing is that while I haven't found a fix I'm still here. I got married, I've kept my current job for two years, I own a house, etc. Now, it could be argued that that's a sad thing considering how much of my life I've been depressed and suicidal, but it's at least some evidence of the potential of managing symptoms and finding a niche.

It is really hard, though. Your dollar goes nowhere, motivation is minimal, hours never come down despite tech advances. That is deflating, but be sure that you take the positive spin as well: it makes sense to struggle to figure things out. You aren't messed up or hopeless just for not fitting in that system. Yes, through all of history, and through every type of civilization, work has been needed, and we have it easier in many ways now, but we also have struggles no other era has had that we don't fully understand. Yes, to stay alive (and actually live) we've got to work. But, struggling is unfortunately an expectation, not a condemnation.