Venting Work and money change nothing

[Eren]

I had never worked, I have been working for a year and a half (I am 25 years old) I thought that working would make me feel better, but nothing has really changed.

I also believed that having some money, I could buy things that I like, and that's right, I really like video games, I bought a PS4, a pretty good gaming computer, quite a few video games, but I really have no motivation to do anything at all, nor to play video games, or to watch a simple series/anime.

Absolutely nothing has changed, OCD hits me the same as before, I feel completely empty, alone, with nothing to do and without any motivation and hope.

 

[JB1999]

Well said. I spent a lot of time trying and waiting to get the job that I am currently in, hoping that it would give me the sense of purpose in life I was looking for. But alas, I am just as aimless and depressed as ever, maybe even more so

 

[waterbottleman]

Jobs are exciting for like a month or 2 but then they slowly get stale then you become resentful.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

For me every new job I have had just reminded me of how fucked up my thinking is. I've always had a tendency to overthink everything, sometimes to the point of having anxiety or panicking over nothing. Becoming easily frustrated has always been a problem as well and the more stressful of a situation I encounter, the worse it gets, sometimes resulting in anger and rage.

I keep thinking that if I can find the perfect job that suits me well enough to avoid all of those problems that maybe it could help, but it probably doesn't exist. I've known that I don't belong in this world for a while, so I doubt anything will help.

 

[rt1989526]

I can't fit in anywhere I work because of my mood problems. Work just makes shit worse.

 

[flank]

Money does not buy a cure for chronic diseases. So, in my case, there's not much to do but anticipate my death.

 

[SipSop]

I had never worked, I have been working for a year and a half (I am 25 years old) I thought that working would make me feel better, but nothing has really changed.

I also believed that having some money, I could buy things that I like, and that's right, I really like video games, I bought a PS4, a pretty good gaming computer, quite a few video games, but I really have no motivation to do anything at all, nor to play video games, or to watch a simple series/anime.

Absolutely nothing has changed, OCD hits me the same as before, I feel completely empty, alone, with nothing to do and without any motivation and hope.

I had a similar rant few days ago.
Maybe you want to check it out.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-kind-of-argument-is-this.46098/

 

[Superdeterminist]

And, going without money or a job is just as miserable. It feels like a lose-lose.

 

[Blueman]

Yes my problem is I've always enjoyed work and travel. I liked my last job but when they offered me money to leave I took it to travel. Now for the first time in my life at 55 I've no work cant get a job and am so miserable hence I'm on here

 

[BPD Barbie]

And, going without money or a job is just as miserable. It feels like a lose-lose.

Basically. I worked my whole life and was unhappy, lost my job in January and feel equally unhappy.

 

[Blueman]

Basically. I worked my whole life and was unhappy, lost my job in January and feel equally unhappy.

Hiya
Have you made much effort to find new work? I'm from UK as well (South Wales)
I've been looking since March it's hopeless I'm not even trying very hard now.
So many people looking and I'm depressed feels like mission impossible

 

[rt1989526]

Jealous of all these folks who enjoy or enjoyed their job. That must have made life atleast somewhat bearable. All my life I've been working jobs I hate only to come home to a personal life that I hate. It's pure hell.

 

[Blueman]

Jealous of all these folks who enjoy or enjoyed their job. That must have made life atleast somewhat bearable. All my life I've been working jobs I hate only to come home to a personal life that I hate. It's pure hell.

It's crazy I've been lucky had 55 years of being pretty happy with job and personal life.
Now because I've messed up job everything is messed up.
Hope you can find a way to get out of pure hell

 

[icanhasnick]

@Eren If you have some money and want to put it to use to combat your suicide drive, i'd recommend you travel with it instead of buying computer games and such. Travelling, getting to see new places, know new people, make new experiences has a much better healing potential than playing games. Of course, the times don't help at all, but maybe you can still go somewhere, or at least make plans of doing it and save towards that goal.

 

[Eren]

@Eren If you have some money and want to put it to use to combat your suicide drive, i'd recommend you travel with it instead of buying computer games and such. Travelling, getting to see new places, know new people, make new experiences has a much better healing potential than playing games. Of course, the times don't help at all, but maybe you can still go somewhere, or at least make plans of doing it and save towards that goal.

But traveling alone? Would make me feel even more alone

 

[icanhasnick]

Idk back when i was full of hope, which is many years ago, i din't mind travelling alone. Also, you can meet people where you go, like, other people who are travelling on their own. These days i neither travel much nor am i in the most sociable of spirits, but still, even just the going somewhere seeing something may help bring clarity of mind. At worst you will be just as alone as you'd otherwise be staying home...

 

[Blueman]

But traveling alone? Would make me feel even more alone

It's generally quite easy to meet people when you are travelling by staying in hostels though not sure how that works now with coronavirus.
But the loneliness can definitely be difficult to deal with

 

[icanhasnick]

Now everything's fucked up and the idea is that we should just fucking die because life is dangerous and you could give the flu to some old fart somewhere who might die of it instead of dying of self-same thing he caught from someone who isn't you. But we're talking ideally here. At least to aim to do something which would do us good, to at least have some sort of goal which the insane New Normal can't ever possibly be (to humans... i hear zombies rejoice).

 

[Eren]

It's generally quite easy to meet people when you are travelling by staying in hostels though not sure how that works now with coronavirus.
But the loneliness can definitely be difficult to deal with

socializing in person is impossible for me