Discussion Wordless despair.

[Archness]

I HATE how I'm a good writer. People often say I'm a good writer, but I think they're wrong. There's so much I almost can't write, these limits I can feel at times.

I hate it, these words... What I'm feeling. Is it despair? Is it nihil? I can't say what it is, it's impossible with mere text. I can allude and point, but only hope you already know what I feel. Even then, with this I know therapy would be useless. A certain catharsis, without real relief. Now, I should be doing a good job drawing what I'm feeling, right?

Drawing's what I really wish I was doing; it's what I'm really doing right now, just within the medium of language in text. I never wished to be a writer until there was no alternative. I only latched onto the idea of being a writer because I seem to have a talent with it. A "talent", a "passion", an "ability", something to define my "true self" that I could never define before.

I failed. I don't, and can't write enough. There's so little to write about, so little worth writing because my life is nothing.

I hope you know what I mean here. There's no one else.

 

[brokeandbroken]

I HATE how I'm a good writer. People often say I'm a good writer, but I think they're wrong. There's so much I almost can't write, these limits I can feel at times.

I hate it, these words... What I'm feeling. Is it despair? Is it nihil? I can't say what it is, it's impossible with mere text. I can allude and point, but only hope you already know what I feel. Even then, with this I know therapy would be useless. A certain catharsis, without real relief. Now, I should be doing a good job drawing what I'm feeling, right?

Drawing's what I really wish I was doing; it's what I'm really doing right now, just within the medium of language in text. I never wished to be a writer until there was no alternative. I only latched onto the idea of being a writer because I seem to have a talent with it. A "talent", a "passion", an "ability", something to define my "true self" that I could never define before.

I failed. I don't, and can't write enough. There's so little to write about, so little worth writing because my life is nothing.

I hope you know what I mean here. There's no one else.

I know at least partially how you feel. I've been badly isolated from people. Mixed with abandonment. Mixed with complete and utterly poverty. I have no idea how to feel about myself or things I've done. To be honest. I think I'm pretty dumb. But all of this has profoundly impacted me in interactions. I have developed some social anxiety from everything I didn't have at least not nearly as bad. I can also feel myself getting more unintelligent everyday. I just feel like a useless husk. A mere bag of flesh and bone at this point. I don't really feel human. Nor do I think most people see me as anyone worth anything...

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

I've read some of your posts, and you write very well.
I know what you mean about having nothing to write about: I can definitely relate.
I have no job, no family who cares me, no friends, no hobbies, no quality of life because of mental illnesses since childhood, living in squalor and poverty.
I'm just existing, even though I don't want to exist at all.
Absolutely nothing interests me in this shitshow world.
I have nothing to write about except complaining about life because its unbearable.
Sorry for the rant.
But, yes, I know how you feel.

 

[EternalShore]

yeah, I wish I could draw too! :( You can always practice tho in your free time if you wish to get better! :) ofc, it's a lot of work tho...
and yes, they are right~ You are certainly good at writing! Also, you don't need to write about yourself if you have no ideas! You can always write fiction, non-fiction of stories you read, or even fan fiction of stuff you like! hehe~

 

[Archness]

I have nothing to write about except complaining about life because its unbearable.

Yeah. Sucks and prime suicidefuel.

I've read some of your posts, and you write very well.

You are certainly good at writing!

Please, you two are too kind.

Also, you don't need to write about yourself if you have no ideas! You can always write fiction, non-fiction of stories you read, or even fan fiction of stuff you like! hehe~

I did, but would always end up with an overwhelming sense of inadequacy for whatever I'm writing. Also, like with life, I never have any real idea of where to go with these writings, and I recently am plagued by low mental-energy. Only real time I can write is when I'm so tense I can't help but let it out somehow. So, yeah, I'm not a writer anymore, because it can't be my "thing".

On the plus side, I am thinking about commiting to project... Maybe a game... like a VN, who knows? Either way will prob ctb.