Venting Wondering why I want to jump

[imsotired35]

I'm not 100% sure and probably never will be but if I was going to CBT right now I think I would chose jumping. But I wonder why and I'm not sure my reasons are good enough.

1. I think I romanticise jumping in a way, as seen on tv shows, books, music videos and tumblr etc…I envision myself on top of somewhere high in the wind with my arms out and hair blowing back behind me.

2. I know I would have time to think before jumping…time to dwell and feel sorry for myself and be all woe is me and think about my reasons.

3. Maybe the possibility that I would be seen and stopped. Because I can't reach out for help I sometimes think what it would be like to be found before it's too late.

 

[UKscotty]

Jumping is one of few methods which is 100% reliable too.

 

[Nikitatos]

I couldn't do it. Should have known better. I always had a fear of heights.

 

[_AllCatsAreGrey_]

Relatable.

When I was last actively suicidal I was drawn to jumping. At first I wandered my city looking for access to tall buildings. I then impulsively decided to get a one way ticket to my hometown to jump from a bridge there. I wound up calling a crisis number before boarding the bus. (Never again. They called the cops on me.)

This is still the method and location I think about and actively research the most. I know it's not the most ideal method, but I'm drawn to the poetics of leaving there.