Discussion Women?

[BornToFail]

Does anyone else feel like they have to lie to women to get ahead in any romantic relationships? I should preface this by saying this isn't an incel rant, or coming from someone who came into this negatively. I've always been optimistic and sometimes a simp to my great shame. I've been friends with women, for some reason most of my friends have been women online, but the friendships always seem shallow and are just me putting in most of the efforts to maintain them.


I feel like I'm always changing myself to get women to like me, and it feels like even if I do get in a relationship, I won't fully be able to enjoy a woman as a person. I guess you could say I have "nerdy" interests, programming, true crime, reading, drawing, etc. I can never talk to women about these interests without it being boring to them, they aren't usually rude but you can tell when someone doesn't really care about what you're saying. I of course too, have to lie about any political views and never even bring them up unless they do. Just simple things, I feel like I'll probably never connect with a woman and it makes me sad. Is this normal, is this what all men feel?

 

[TheSkyIsBlue]

I feel something like this with most of people, not just women

 

[BornToFail]

I feel something like this with most of people, not just women

Me too honestly, but to a far greater extent with women. The longest friendships I had were with men. I don't have any friends now as a result of being burnt out from socializing. Never had any friends irl.

 

[EmmaD]

Does anyone else feel like they have to lie to women to get ahead in any romantic relationships? I should preface this by saying this isn't an incel rant, or coming from someone who came into this negatively. I've always been optimistic and sometimes a simp to my great shame. I've been friends with women, for some reason most of my friends have been women online, but the friendships always seem shallow and are just me putting in most of the efforts to maintain them.


I feel like I'm always changing myself to get women to like me, and it feels like even if I do get in a relationship, I won't fully be able to enjoy a woman as a person. I guess you could say I have "nerdy" interests, programming, true crime, reading, drawing, etc. I can never talk to women about these interests without it being boring to them, they aren't usually rude but you can tell when someone doesn't really care about what you're saying. I of course too, have to lie about any political views and never even bring them up unless they do. Just simple things, I feel like I'll probably never connect with a woman and it makes me sad. Is this normal, is this what all men feel?

I can tell you there are definitely plenty of 'nerdy' women out there who would share those interests. Have you ever tried to start from the point of shared interests? Like joining a book club, taking an IT course or art class. I feel like especially book clubs are frequented by women.
I went to a museum of retro computers and games the other day and there were plenty of women there. And nerdy women are the best!
And ALL the women I know are into true crime!

 

[SexyIncél]

More details please? Could you sketch out how you describe your interests, and what about your political views you hide?

People lie and obscure all the time. All genders. Often to hide a boy/girlfriend. Makeup or wingmen to hide flaws. And I try to only show those facets of myself that might amuse others, lest I bore them

Certainly, true crime, reading and drawing could make you more interesting. Because they allow you to speak more interestingly. As long as you're not reciting it like a book report, or inappropriately to the situation

Programming is maybe something to casually mention, as people consider it a sign of intelligence and social power. But true, talking about it too much causes anxiety. Unless you specifically know how to drop little nuggets in a way that makes the audience feel smarter. So they'll feel more confident when talking with others

I've always been optimistic and sometimes a simp to my great shame.

I feel like I'm always changing myself to get women to like me, and it feels like even if I do get in a relationship, I won't fully be able to enjoy a woman as a person.

Have you considered that you may be a performer? Which maybe could be a good thing, if you embrace its consequences

 

[leavingsoon99]

Well, women don't want me. So...

 

[Myforevercharlie]

Maybe I think to simple about this? If I have to lie for him ( in my case) to like me, a relationship is never going to work, not would I want too.

If you fall in love with a person, you like them , with every (nerdy) bit.

 

[SexyIncél]

Maybe I think to simple about this? If I have to lie for him ( in my case) to like me, a relationship is never going to work, not would I want too.

I think you're 100% right, if we're talking about enjoyable relationships built to last a long time, especially monogamous

If the lying is sufficiently big and persistent, twisting the liar from their nature... hmm I guess the relationship is either miserable, dies within months/years, requires cheating/polyamory, or requires a psychopath/similar

 

[Archness]

"Just be yourself"... That's actually good advice. If you can't get women that way, it's just too bad; Women just aren't for you in that case.

If you need to use an artificial persona, just don't, they won't love you, they'd love that thing.

Self improvement can help, but it can't fix everything. Some problems will just be a part of being alive, for you.

 

[BornToFail]

"Just be yourself"... That's actually good advice. If you can't get women that way, it's just too bad; Women just aren't for you in that case.

If you need to use an artificial persona, just don't, they won't love you, they'd love that thing.

Self improvement can help, but it can't fix everything. Some problems will just be a part of being alive, for you.

Agreed, well I don't talk to them irk ever, so lol. But yeah, that's why I am here, lol.

I can tell you there are definitely plenty of 'nerdy' women out there who would share those interests. Have you ever tried to start from the point of shared interests? Like joining a book club, taking an IT course or art class. I feel like especially book clubs are frequented by women.
I went to a museum of retro computers and games the other day and there were plenty of women there. And nerdy women are the best!
And ALL the women I know are into true crime!

Thank you! I'll be honest that I never talk to women irl because of shyness

 

[Disappointered]

re true crime: I can add my experience and observation that the large majority of women are indeed interested in true crime. in fact, it seems like there are even true crime podcasts specifically geared toward women listeners. I could be wrong but it seems like the a lot of women are extremely interested in one particular area of criminality. I think we all know exactly which one. And I still don't fucking get why.

 

[Kerrtu]

re true crime: I can add my experience and observation that the large majority of women are indeed interested in true crime. in fact, it seems like there are even true crime podcasts specifically geared toward women listeners. I could be wrong but it seems like the a lot of women are extremely interested in one particular area of criminality. I think we all know exactly which one. And I still don't fucking get why.

When I was in HS, we were allowed to choose electives and Forensics was one of the classes. I loved it.

 

[Disappointered]

When I was in HS, we were allowed to choose electives and Forensics was one of the classes. I loved it.

That would be an interesting course. What sort of things did it cover?

 

[DingusKainus]

As someone who has barely had any romantic relationships, I honestly feel like just being a fun person should be enough. I know plenty of women irl and they all enjoy my company cause I know how to make them laugh and have fun.

Of course being ugly as hell will keep you from being truly happy and finding anyone

 

[Kerrtu]

That would be an interesting course. What sort of things did it cover?

It was my first intro to Dr. Michael Baden, Dr. Henry Lee, etc. Some days we would watch cold case documentaries. We dissected an owl pellet and a frog.

 

[TiredOrbit]

I of course too, have to lie about any political views and never even bring them up unless they do.

I feel like this part gets a little bit too overlooked. This could be the reason why you don't connect with them on your part.

Also, lots and lots of women are into true crime, and a good parg of them into nerdy stuff. So really, i don't think the issue lays into your hobbies.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Does anyone else feel like they have to lie to women to get ahead in any romantic relationships? I should preface this by saying this isn't an incel rant, or coming from someone who came into this negatively. I've always been optimistic and sometimes a simp to my great shame. I've been friends with women, for some reason most of my friends have been women online, but the friendships always seem shallow and are just me putting in most of the efforts to maintain them.


I feel like I'm always changing myself to get women to like me, and it feels like even if I do get in a relationship, I won't fully be able to enjoy a woman as a person. I guess you could say I have "nerdy" interests, programming, true crime, reading, drawing, etc. I can never talk to women about these interests without it being boring to them, they aren't usually rude but you can tell when someone doesn't really care about what you're saying. I of course too, have to lie about any political views and never even bring them up unless they do. Just simple things, I feel like I'll probably never connect with a woman and it makes me sad. Is this normal, is this what all men feel?

I think there's definitely a dance push-pull type of non genuineness to relationships in the beginning. It's basically show some interest but not enough but some but don't make it too much etc.... To be honest it's just not genuine and it's completely fake. Like every guy who does it does it intentionally. These would obviously be somewhat lies. Because if I guy said he was interested he would fail the shit test so he basically has to lie to her to not. So every relationship is essentially starting with a lie. it's just a giant game. Usually to get laid. Then girls wonder why relationships fail because usually those who are the best have done it countless times before and will keep doing it because they aren't special. Either the girls are dumb enough to believe it or know they know and just don't care at a certain point to be honest I have no idea. To be honest most human interactions aren't genuine and are just fake. I think most people know how truly fake and manufactured society is, probably complain about it, but then act just as fake themselves.