Venting Wish I was a virgin, can’t catch feelings at all since becoming depressed, wish I had friends (disjointed rant)

[failureofahuman]

I read a lot of things about how a woman has to be a virgin to be marriage material and it makes me want to die. I lost it to someone I didn't love at all. Actually I've never slept with someone I loved, or even had romantic feelings for. More worryingly I didn't develop feelings for him (or any of the guys I slept with) afterwards either. I stopped being able to get crushes years ago when I first got depressed. Makes me feel like a failure of a woman because I can't fall in love with anyone from sleeping with them. I think I really just want to be able to hang out with someone regularly. I want marriage because it means someone is legally/socially obligated to spend time with me. I'm trying to make friends IRL to fulfill this need, but I have trouble getting attached to them as well. A guy broke up with me two days ago, saying we weren't compatible, and I can't resent him at all because he was right. I didn't fall in love with him at all, and I think the reason I'm still sad about it is actually just because I won't be able to hang out with someone once a week anymore. There's always been a wall between me and other people that I can't get through. I have a gun now but I still don't feel miserable enough to ctb and there are a few checks I have to do to ensure it works properly. I think subconsciously my survival instinct is manifesting as an inability to form attachments to people, because I know if I broke up with someone I had strong feelings for I would immediately shoot myself.

 

[pauly369]

I completely understand what you are saying about the wall between you and other people that you cant get through : Im the same way, and have been all my life.
I honestly dont think you are a failure because relationships are difficult even at the best of times and finding someone that you can truly love is also difficult.
I dont want a sexual relationship because I have never really been a sexual person and have come to the conclusion that Im Asexual.
I woild like a non - sexual partner , but then again I would probably become too attached to them and fear losing them because I love too much.
Sorry youre going through this, its awful.

 

[katara]

Well if it makes u feel any better I am a virgin AND I have no friends. Idk what content ur watching online but most men do not actually prefer virgins unless it's some conservative pedophile Andrew Tate fan who wants to try abusing you. Other than that I really don't think men care.
People aren't interested in me so I relate to this wall between me and others, I just assumed people thought I was boring. But now I'm thinking it's something else because people don't treat normal people the way they've treated me

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Well if it makes u feel any better I am a virgin AND I have no friends. Idk what content ur watching online but most men do not actually prefer virgins unless it's some conservative pedophile Andrew Tate fan who wants to try abusing you. Other than that I really don't think men care.
People aren't interested in me so I relate to this wall between me and others, I just assumed people thought I was boring. But now I'm thinking it's something else because people don't treat normal people the way they've treated me

I feel you, I am subhuman. I am not on the same level as others neither in a good way either. I'd rather have someone with little or no experience in dating because I don't have any experience either (I haven't even held a woman's hand...) It's not something I should've ever thought about because no one should love me anyways. It stings so much to hear about how loved people can get and knowing no one will ever say those words while thinking of my face. But again, I am subhuman, so maybe it's better that way.

If it makes any of you feel better though, as a man speaking to my male friends who are husband material, they don't care about you being a virgin or not

 

[Worndown]

Shallow people only look at the wrapping and not the present inside.

Tradition be damned, those are stupid "rules" and you should try to find someone you feel is right.
How many "proper" marriages are hollow, pointless or worse? The 1600's were a long time ago!
Skip sex and do things with them. If they care, they will wait.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Most guys aren't going to care about shit like that. Most of the men I've seen who tend to emphasize shit about virginity the most are usually insecure about their performance in the bedroom. Of course, some men do have actual understandable reasons for having that preference but in most cases, it usually tends to be the former.

Also, you aren't supposed to fall in love with others through sleeping with them. Sex is just an aspect of a relationship and is generally not a necessity for love. The biological mechanisms behind romantic love are considered to be distinct from the ones behind lust. It's fine to have sex with people you don't have romantic interest and finding someone you connect to romantically is a process that takes time.

Maybe you should take this time to focus more on your well-being first instead of focusing so much on romance and stuff. It's clearly stressing you out.