Venting wish i could be invisible

[yousaidimsweet]

a while ago at work, we were all asked to answer one of those icebreaker questions like "what superpower would you want?" and i said invisibility, without really knowing why. i've never wanted more than to be invisible right now. i've been seeing some of my friends lately, but they always act like i'm not there and don't include me. went to a party yesterday hosted by a friend who's very cliquey (not even sure why they invited anyone but their clique lol) and the person i went with told me that it was weird that they were pretending like we weren't there. but i'm so desensitized to it, it didn't even faze me. and me and this other friend got picked up to go back to their apartment, but they invited some of their friends over, from which i also felt excluded. i just so badly wish that i wasn't around. this week's been hard, next week's gonna be even harder, and i just don't want to make it past another day.

i've been in therapy but it feels like i'm making no progress. i feel like i'm screaming for help among my friend group and no one's noticing. no one would give a single fuck if i CTB-ed tonight. like what's the point of anything? everyday i just wait for something even worse to happen to me so i can gain the courage to CTB. i'm not even living anymore