Will you miss fall? What about winter?

[TBONTB]

I'm getting closer. The bad things are getting worse and would love to be over them. I am getting my affairs in order. I'm guessing I can be ready in 30-60 days

I am so excited if I never need another winter with its dark, its rain, and its depression

But think about my "lasts" is hard. I like baseball, I might not see the World Series this year. The last fall leaves. The last book club.

What about you, are there things you are saying goodbye to that hurt? What's a big relief to stay behind?

 

[Wrath]

Things that hurt to leave behind. I'm going to be completely honest here.
1. My computer, as much as I hate it, it's my only connection to the world.
2. My stuffed animals. I have them from all over the world when my family used to take me on trips back in the days.
3. My dreams. I know that even if I manage to make the things of my dreams, I'll still have my autism and social problems. It's a constant back and forth every day.
4. My music. I have a lot of music stored up over the years. I like listening to it. I struggle to pick a final song.
5. My body. As much as I hate it, it's mine. I hate so much of it, but there's a mole pattern I think is cute. Reading this as I write sounds really weird, but I actually like those spots lol. I think it looks like a constellation. I hate my face, but I like those damn spots.
6. Masturbating and porn. Literally my only form of sexual anything. I hate that that's all I have, but if there really is no existence after death, then I guess I'll miss what little I had.
7. Food. Sometimes when I eat a really tasty thing I got at the grocery it makes me want to stay just a little longer so I can have more. Surprisingly; I'm actually underweight in spite of my food coping. I'll probably balloon when I get older.
8. Videogames.
9. Anime. Technically I can't be called a weeb if half of my family is Japanese lmao. Being mixed race really fucked up my appearance. I wish my parents kept to their own kind instead of tearing me apart with two completely different cultures. I have no identity lol. Not American enough, not Japanese enough. FML.
10. Winter. I really like the cold, having no one outside. Winter in videogames is also something I adore. Crunchy, Crunchy snow. Yay. Maybe I like it because it feels like the ground I'm stepping on is talking to me through the crunches.

I can't think of anything else. I thought my list would be longer. This hurts. I'm sure there are some other small things, but this is really everything that I could think of at the moment.

 

[TBONTB]

Things that hurt to leave behind. I'm going to be completely honest here.
1. My computer, as much as I hate it, it's my only connection to the world.
2. My stuffed animals. I have them from all over the world when my family used to take me on trips back in the days.
3. My dreams. I know that even if I manage to make the things of my dreams, I'll still have my autism and social problems. It's a constant back and forth every day.
4. My music. I have a lot of music stored up over the years. I like listening to it. I struggle to pick a final song.
5. My body. As much as I hate it, it's mine. I hate so much of it, but there's a mole pattern I think is cute. Reading this as I write sounds really weird, but I actually like those spots lol. I think it looks like a constellation. I hate my face, but I like those damn spots.
6. Masturbating and porn. Literally my only form of sexual anything. I hate that that's all I have, but if there really is no existence after death, then I guess I'll miss what little I had.
7. Food. Sometimes when I eat a really tasty thing I got at the grocery it makes me want to stay just a little longer so I can have more. Surprisingly; I'm actually underweight in spite of my food coping. I'll probably balloon when I get older.
8. Videogames.
9. Anime. Technically I can't be called a weeb if half of my family is Japanese lmao. Being mixed race really fucked up my appearance. I wish my parents kept to their own kind instead of tearing me apart with two completely different cultures. I have no identity lol. Not American enough, not Japanese enough. FML.
10. Winter. I really like the cold, having no one outside. Winter in videogames is also something I adore. Crunchy, Crunchy snow. Yay. Maybe I like it because it feels like the ground I'm stepping on is talking to me through the crunches.

I can't think of anything else. I thought my list would be longer. This hurts. I'm sure there are some other small things, but this is really everything that I could think of at the moment.

That's a lovely list. It really gave me a sense of you.

 

[Cosmophobic]

I love winter

 

[nemesis_]

1. my memories. i'm a very nostalgic person.
2. my family. i might be an awful daughter and sister, but i really do love them (contrary to what they think).
3. animals, specifically cats and dogs.
4. music.
5. going down research rabbit holes. nothing makes me happier than researching whatever topic piques my interest.
6. speaking of research, learning new things. i'm a very curious person. i want to absorb all the knowledge there is lol.
7. daydreaming.
8. youtube videos.

that's pretty much it.

edit: not sure if i'd add my friends to the list. my behavior has pushed them away and i frankly feel like they don't like me all that much. i always felt like being around people was hazardous to me. they chip away at me until i can't take it anymore and snap. i don't have a single friend i can fully be myself around.

 

[TBONTB]

1. my memories. i'm a very nostalgic person.
2. my family. i might be an awful daughter, but i really do love them (contrary to what they think).
3. animals, specifically cats and dogs.
4. music.
5. going down research rabbit holes. nothing makes me happier than researching whatever topic piques my interest.
6. speaking of research, learning new things. i'm a very curious person. i want to absorb all the knowledge there is lol.
7. daydreaming.
8. youtube videos.

that's pretty much it.

Lovely!

 

[xanthe]

- my friends and family
- my parents cats
- listening to and making music
- spring/summer (bittersweet, but this was hopefully my last one)
- memories from when i was younger
- the tiny glimpses ive had of myself not warped by dysphoria and self hatred

friends/family has the most weight, i feel awful knowing that it will hurt them so much. knowing i'll scritch my cats for the last time and then disappear from their lives and they wont ever know what happened makes me feel sad too :(

ive been trying to listen to as much music as i can recently, even genres i never rly cared for before. i think its such a beautiful, expressive artform and i want to spend as much time as possible over the next few months taking it in.

and i rly cherish the few memories i have, mostly from when i first realised i was trans, where being a girl genuinely brought me euphoria and happiness. i dont feel like that ever anymore cause i realised everything about myself was wrong and not okay, but i recognise that i did once, and that means something to me.

idk, i think the only other thing actually is theres this one spot in the woods near my parents next to a big canal, and a few years ago i spent my whole summer there. i have a lot of nostalgic memories there from just before i got rly depressed, so itd be nice to come full circle and visit again soon.

 

[TBONTB]

- my friends and family
- my parents cats
- listening to and making music
- spring/summer (bittersweet, but this was hopefully my last one)
- memories from when i was younger
- the tiny glimpses ive had of myself not warped by dysphoria and self hatred

friends/family has the most weight, i feel awful knowing that it will hurt them so much. knowing i'll scritch my cats for the last time and then disappear from their lives and they wont ever know what happened makes me feel sad too :(

ive been trying to listen to as much music as i can recently, even genres i never rly cared for before. i think its such a beautiful, expressive artform and i want to spend as much time as possible over the next few months taking it in.

and i rly cherish the few memories i have, mostly from when i first realised i was trans, where being a girl genuinely brought me euphoria and happiness. i dont feel like that ever anymore cause i realised everything about myself was wrong and not okay, but i recognise that i did once, and that means something to me.

idk, i think the only other thing actually is theres this one spot in the woods near my parents next to a big canal, and a few years ago i spent my whole summer there. i have a lot of nostalgic memories there from just before i got rly depressed, so itd be nice to come full circle and visit again soon.

Nice memories