Discussion Will you fall in love again?

[WornOutLife]

I mean, I think I'm doing a good job with recovery but.... I think I won't be able to love anybody never ever again. FIrst, I gotta love myself.

I'm so unstable. I need to have NORMAL DAYS all the time in order to be in a serious relationship!

What do you think? In spite of your problems, do you think you'll be able to fall in love with somebody and be in a nice relationship again?

 

[Good4Nothing]

Doubtful.

 

[booray]

For me, the answer is no. I think that when someone is intent on suicide, then the question doesn't enter the mind. If I didn't want to ctb, then the answer might be yes, but I'm too wrapped up in self-loathing over past mistakes to even contemplate the possibility of a loving relationship.

 

[Deleted member 26067]

No. I lucked out having a woman settle for me. Nobody else on this hell-planet would have me. I have nothing to offer.

Once she is gone, that's it.

 

[Toptock]

Interesting you should ask. I recently joined both Bumble and Tinder to find someone. I felt my life was lacking and, honestly, I wanted to make myself better for someone who could determine I was worthy of love. I attracted a couple people, and when we got to talking they seemed to like what I was saying. But, after a while, I decided it wasn't worth it. I have no income satisfactory for a social life, nor do I have ambitions. This was too little for a majority of people.
That's ok though, nobody ever said we had to find love. It sucks sometimes because we'll naturally envy what others have. Truth be told, I don't think many of us will.

It's ok to feel unworthy of love, you very well could be. Nobody ever said humans were required to want to find someone, and many people are just as productive, if not moreso than those with a partner.

 

[*Hope*]

fall in love, probably
get into a relationship? no

at this point Im actually thinking that getting a dog might be the best solution lol

 

[awfullife]

No. An interesting thing I realized about myself. I was alot funnier and relaxed when I drank. When I had lots of money, I had nice things and was confident.

Now I dont drink and I lost all my money. Career is shot too and bonus; I live with my dad! Calm down ladies...not all at once

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's highly unlikely but it's the only way I'd ever not want to CTB which I'm going to do next year. I figure that should be long enough when I've already been waiting for my whole life. The problem is I haven't even found anyone since the incident a few months ago that I would fall in love with. I basically did fall in love hard for someone who I was only talking to online for a few days but we really had so much in common that it's so unlikely I'll ever be able find someone I'd love more.

It's not like I'm not trying either, I have accounts in Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and even Facebook Dating that I use every day almost constantly. The hardest thing about those apps is that I almost never find anybody that I even like and when I do I'm not "in love with them" or anything they just seem like someone I might love but they never seem to reciprocate so I never even get any matches anyway. All the people who like me end up being completely incompatible with me for one reason or another. For some reason I get a lot of obvious males even though I set my preferences to women only. They're not trans either because they don't even try to look like women but even if they did that's not really what I'm looking for either.

 

[makingsure4]

Sadly, No. :( Not again. At least not as far as my mind and heart are able to fathom at this point. I rely on my spirituality to pull me through each day. And my sense of humor.

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I'm heartbroken so I had enough of this subject XD

 

[signifying nothing]

Never really been in love, don't expect it will ever be possible for me. Just got to deal with myself, everyone else feels so distant, like I'm on the moon or mars or something.

If you manage to experience it, try to remember it for all its worth. For those of us that never will.

 

[Meditation guide]

I fall in love every couple of years and I always think it won't happen again but it always does.

No. An interesting thing I realized about myself. I was alot funnier and relaxed when I drank. When I had lots of money, I had nice things and was confident.

Now I dont drink and I lost all my money. Career is shot too and bonus; I live with my dad! Calm down ladies...not all at once

You're still pretty funny actually, that works for me.

 

[NodusTollens]

I haven't been keen on it in recent years.

Between the traumatic events that have me fearful & trust issues I have after an ex had me pick out my ring before breaking up with me... I think I'm good. SHRUGS.

 

[CrazyMary]

I think eventually I will. As some people say, you need to first love yourself. Then little by little you might even be able. However with the pandemic it is really hard to meet people. Maybe next year, who knows.

 

[x~Sophia~x]

I fall hard and fast, I'm very passionate, but I have BPD/EUPD and I have ruined every relationship due to my jealousy and paranoia.
I've been single for around 15 years, through choice, because romantic relationships are waaay too painful for me. I'm much 'happier' being single...
But, as I was only diagnosed with BPD at the age of 56, I do wonder if, with the right support and treatment, I would've been able to get my jealousy and paranoid behaviours into some kind of context and succeeded at my last relationship.
But, whatever, too late now.

 

[NodusTollens]

I fall hard and fast, I'm very passionate, but I have BPD/EUPD and I have ruined every relationship due to my jealousy and paranoia.
I've been single for around 15 years, through choice, because romantic relationships are waaay too painful for me. I'm much 'happier' being single...
But, as I was only diagnosed with BPD at the age of 56, I do wonder if, with the right support and treatment, I would've been able to get my jealousy and paranoid behaviours into some kind of context and succeeded at my last relationship.
But, whatever, too late now.

Sorry to hear, falling hard & fast is an unfortunately annoying feature of BPD. Wanting something so bad & in the same breath, unknowingly sabotaging it. It's amazing how a diagnosis can seriously affect one's outcome.

 

[stygal]

No, I've never loved anyone and I definitely can't start doing that now - too painful.
I see the appeal though.
And I hope some of you here get to experience it at least once - being loved back that is - seems to be one of those milestones that can turn your life around for the better.

 

[ZardozOmega]

I hope not. I only bring pain and shame to other people

 

[mlmc045]

Honestly, I think I am at the moment. But in true BPD style, it's also hard and fast. I'm used to intense relationships with emotionally unavailable men who don't want anything long term with me, because I struggle with seeing a future for myself anyway. But this time is different. This time part of me wants to stably commit to this kind being, who shows he cares about me deeply, although I find the concept hard to believe or accept. I do not want to fall madly in love. He brings me calm and laughter, and balances me in a way I didn't anticipate. I refuse to be dependent on him and I am very emotionally unstable, so if I want it to go anywhere, I have to work on regulating difficult, overwhelming feelings. I feel like I'm being unfair to let him get attached too, especially because he knows I don't want to stick around for too long. The thought of being together is nice, but the world is so heavy, and I think I'm too sensitive to exist.

 

[Frauw]

Love is fickle, I'd rather focus on trying to improve things within the world with my time.

 

[Blue Rose]

I am in my last love. Its end is the end of my life

 

[stygal]

Love is fickle, I'd rather focus on trying to improve things within the world with my time.

This. I should have tried to really improve myself mentally - when I still had the time - instead of being hyperfocused on what others might think of me.

 

[Toptock]

Stoicism helped me with that. I learned that it's perfectly ok for me to want to have someone, but also it's just as ok that I don't. It's what I do with those feelings that matter.
You can be alone and either suffer for it, or learn to maximize your productivity within that state. I no longer care what others in my life think because I realized they're misguided in their pursuits. Others want children, as many as they can have, and houses with cars and fences. I want someone who's ok just reading a book with me on weekends, and on my weekends I enjoy reading those books. If someone enters my life who enjoys that, I'll welcome them. Otherwise, it's an enjoyment I'll take part in solo.

 

[HowSoonIsNow]

I carry a lot of love on my chest, I always end up having sexual tension with my friends but what's the point of having so much love to give and being alone in the end

 

[in hell out soon]

I don't know. I don't feel like I can yet.

forget ever loving myself. I've tried but it just won't work and I can't even pretend. why should I love myself when there's nothing to love? why should anyone love me for the same reason?

 

[EdibleGasMask]

No, the relationships I've been in I haven't been able to feel anything anymore. I feel like a giant asshole every time I think "Maybe I just wasn't attracted to the guy" and then I end up feeling the exact same way with a different guy. I don't feel too bad about it for me though the less people that get hurt when I ctb the better.

 

[ShellofmyFormerSelf]

I never had the chance for a loving relationship... still a virgin at 22... but it's also the lack of being able to enjoy life and closeness with another that you can't with a friend or family member that kills me the most.

There were only two guys I've dated. Both were meant to be good friends of mine I could initially trust. The first one new about my depression and how I overcame in back in 2016, no more agoraphobia, no more sadness, smiling 24/7 and riding my bike every morning. Yet despite being healthy and mentally stable, also "loving myself" (hate the idea you must love yourself to be capable of loving another being). He took advantage of my naivety. I gave my heart to him, so he used me as a rebound... and then got back together with a girl I knew nothing about. A friend who was supposed to have helped me back in school, when I was being bullied. Someone who I thought could do no wrong.

This wounded me so bad. Especially as he was my first relationship...

Afterwards got back into my old habits of rotting away, turned to self harm and started drinking one or two cans a day.

While the other one just decided to ignore me every single day, only responding to messages at midnight. Refused to meet up. Not even the once.

Neither of these guys I acted clingy with. Respected their space. Only wanted to make them happy.

Both ended the relationship with the same excuses, "I fell out of love with you".

So this made me convinced that if I tried again, I'd just cause whoever to fall out of love with me... which hurts. Again, all I wanted to do was to brighten up someone's life, laugh and smile with them, be happy together. Cuddle. Etc.

Jokes on them anyway... I'm anhedonic, no emotions, no empathy, also a brain tumour. Probably would never know what it's like to share love with another.

I used to be a happy, bubbly person with a huge amount of compassion. Now I'm numb and dead inside with cognitive impairment that just gets worse and worse.

EDIT: phrased something wrong.

 

[death137]

Its possible for me to fall in love but I'm sure the other person won't love me back.

 

[GarageKarate07]

I mean, I think I'm doing a good job with recovery but.... I think I won't be able to love anybody never ever again. FIrst, I gotta love myself.

I'm so unstable. I need to have NORMAL DAYS all the time in order to be in a serious relationship!

What do you think? In spite of your problems, do you think you'll be able to fall in love with somebody and be in a nice relationship again?

WOL you will fall in love again. Keep trying and dont give up. Be careful about how you find a SO and who you choose. I have had love probly 5 times with 5 great people. It hurts when its gone but it comes back around. Remember that sadly love might only be temporary just like life itself. All things come to an end but something will come back around. Always a lesson to learn wether your single or not. Dont let it get you down so much. Try not to stress. ❤

 

[LONE WOLF.]

Being loved is better than ANY drug but is so difficult to find! You have to be in the right place at the right time in the right frame of mind,Not a easy balance,l hope l do get to fall in love again but l not betting on it,l don't belong in the 21st century and wish I'd been born a hundred years ago in a time more suited to my character! But like people say 'You never know'?