will you be leaving a note after ctb?

[violethaze]

hi y'all. I'm making preparations to ctb. I'm planning on partial hanging in the closet, already tried with the noose and rope and I think I'm good to go. However I'm still worried I'll chicken out after writing a note right before I go, so I'm drafting it now. But is it just me, I feel so silly writing a note when I've never really been taken seriously? idk. I feel some sadness for how my mum will find me, but at the same time, she kinda contributed to most of my suffering and I don't wanna explain myself. I'll be dead, also. So, what do you guys plan on writing in your note, if anything at all?

 

[zzld]

Well, I did for one attempt.

At this point, my immediate family is well aware of my lack of interest in life. I think it would be more of a "oh, I don't understand how he felt like that, but he finally did it."

People think you're "crazy" or "in crisis," so it's rare they'd take anything you write at face value imho.

 

[violethaze]

People think you're "crazy" or "in crisis," so it's rare they'd take anything you write at face value imho.

this is exactly my problem. I won't be taken seriously, and anything flowery I try to write sounds superfluous. I'm just thinking of writing one at least so my paranoid mother doesn't think my boyfriend murdered me, as he will be last person who will see me alive. that's mostly what I aim to write but anything I write comes off as if I've been forced to write it too...

there's no chance he'll even get to read it if I write anything nice anyway. if my mother blows up in anger (she's catholic and vehemently against any form of voluntary ctb) I have no idea if it'll end up where I want it.

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

personally, I would mention the people I love and don't want to feel as guilty.
I would also call out what has brought me into this situation. I would tell the people that did horrible things to me to better themselves.
As angry and upset as you will get, keep in mind that your loved ones will probably be the first people to read it. They will take it seriously for sure.
But i fully understand if you don't want to explain yourself, you could at least tell your mother that you feel bad for how she found you and stuff like that. But i feel like once the day comes, your thoughts will flow and you will have plenty of things you want to say in ur ctb note.

 

[zzld]

this is exactly my problem. I won't be taken seriously, and anything flowery I try to write sounds superfluous. I'm just thinking of writing one at least so my paranoid mother doesn't think my boyfriend murdered me, as he will be last person who will see me alive. that's mostly what I aim to write but anything I write comes off as if I've been forced to write it too...

there's no chance he'll even get to read it if I write anything nice anyway. if my mother blows up in anger (she's catholic and vehemently against any form of voluntary ctb) I have no idea if it'll end up where I want it.

Honestly, if I wanted to leave something for someone it would be a scheduled email for 2-3 weeks later (so I can cancel it if I fail).

Honestly though, the only people in my life who ever gave me glimpses of happiness don't deserve that. To know they had that effect on me- and that without them nothing else did. Or to know I felt the way I do and have for over two decades now- I'd rather they think it was "in crisis" and "impulsive" tbh.

 

[violethaze]

But i fully understand if you don't want to explain yourself, you could at least tell your mother that you feel bad for how she found you and stuff like that. But i feel like once the day comes, your thoughts will flow and you will have plenty of things you want to say in ur ctb note.

Yeah I'm actually planning on ctb'ing tomorrow. So this is probably the last sort of lucid I will be before I get drunk and end it. I guess I don't wanna come across as a bitter bitch so I'll probably yeah just write a sorry for my mum who will find me. After all she didn't make me wanna ctb rather she was part of a larger problem that just made me not wanna live anymore.

Honestly though, the only people in my life who ever gave me glimpses of happiness don't deserve that. To know they had that effect on me- and that without them nothing else did. Or to know I felt the way I do and have for over two decades now- I'd rather they think it was "in crisis" and "impulsive" tbh.

I was gonna go with a scheduled text or email but I'm always left on read or not responded to or checked. I figured a note with my dead body will be final. Something short so my boyfriend and my little sisters won't feel guilty for too long, but nothing too wordy that'll make them think they had anything to do with my choice.

 

[idontfeellikeimreal]

Yeah I'm actually planning on ctb'ing tomorrow. So this is probably the last sort of lucid I will be before I get drunk and end it. I guess I don't wanna come across as a bitter bitch so I'll probably yeah just write a sorry for my mum who will find me. After all she didn't make me wanna ctb rather she was part of a larger problem that just made me not wanna live anymore.

I was gonna go with a scheduled text or email but I'm always left on read or not responded to or checked. I figured a note with my dead body will be final. Something short so my boyfriend and my little sisters won't feel guilty for too long, but nothing too wordy that'll make them think they had anything to do with my choice.

Keep in mind, they will feel guilty for a long time. Maybe consider writing like some "special" note for them, a note that they can keep.

 

[Liamm]

I will, to close friends. I don't really care past my sisters, and my bio family. I want to explain to them its not their fault and that there was nothing they could do.

 

[nymb]

no, i am not good at writing and I fear that I'll write something that they will misunderstand or feel guilty.

 

[ADBoy777]

I'm writing for my loved ones everyday for like 3 months so poor them ig, got a whole fucking book to read when I'm gone

 

[thealteredmind]

yeah... a book (no kidding)

 

[grungy自殺]

I will, and as of right now i'm currently am.

It wouldn't be something that i'll rush out, so i'll have alot of time to write it down before my ctb date.

It'll take alot of time since there's so much to write about my recent years of being stuck here.

 

[Felodese]

I've drafted a kind of generic "I chose death cause it's the best option for me" kind of letter to my family, and more personal ones to each of my close friends. I'm also thinking of writing a one to my shrink, just to say he's not to blame, cause I quite like him and I'm thinking that might help him, so he doesn't get into trouble cause his patient ctb:ed.

If your family doesn't take you seriously, maybe a simple "this is a suicide" type of note is enough?

 

[lonely and depresse]

No

 

[fortran_06]

Of course!

Though, I feel like goodbye notes are hard to write. After all, I'm writing to a lot of different people who I interacted with in a lot of different ways. It's impossible for me to give each of them the time of day that they deserve. I think I'll go with something more general to everyone, and then branch out and speak of specific notable people in my life. To be completely honest, I think that what exactly I write is something that I save for right before I CTB. Definitely doing something digital though, just to make sure that it can outlive me, and be spread easily.

A goodbye note is going to be one of your last acts as a human on this planet, so really you're able to do anything you want with it. It doesn't even have to be you saying goodbye. You could just write down your thoughts, tell the entire story of your life, or write about cowboys fighting ninjas. In the end, the truth is that you won't be able to see people's reactions to whatever you decide to write. How you interpret that is up to you. Maybe you want to go out of your way to make sure somebody doesn't feel guilty, or you could write an intense, furious rant about a given topic. Again, choice is all up to you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

will you be leaving a note after ctb?

Before CTB... Probably... After CTB.... Unlikely.
Seriously... I have a few written but I haven't been able to CTB.
I will probably need to rewrite them before I get the courage to do it.

 

[Sunttu1997]

Yes. Will keep it short and simple tho.