Venting Will never be able to ctb probably

[electrojellysoup]

I have very strong SI so I don't think I'll ever be able to ctb. I've been through some major shit and never even attempted even though I thought about it every day. This kind of scares me because I have a medical condition where it's totally possible I could end up essentially paralysed in a dark room with minimal human contact for the rest of my life with no escape but death and I don't think I'd be able to even then.

Honestly it also kind of makes me feel like my struggles are less valid. People only seem to care if you're going to die or become non functional so if I'm never going to be at risk of ctb they have an excuse to care less.

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

I'm sorry to hear that

That's the trap of how society is trained to spot risk and urgency.
The more outwardly your desire to die and the more risk you pose for others the more chance you have to get helped.
If you deal by yourself or its "just" calm words you won't be considered needing help for being in a lot of emotional pain. It's not desirable to feel like this everyday. No matter whether you think you'll be able to act on it or not.

That doesn't mean your pain is lesser, less real, less valid or less dangerous.
It just means you rationalize well, appear compentent and therefor "must be able to handle it yourself" or with minimal help.

I try to remind myself that it is a reflection of our society, not of me. Their shortcomings and money driven rules for helping others do not mean we don't feel what we feel. Doesn't mean we don't need help or care. Just means society took the easy way out in caring for people like us.
But I too find it really hard most days to not feel less valid.

 

[cluefixphantom]

I have also the SI and hope to get rich and justice in this life. It comes and goes and the end it's just an illusion and my place is the same.

I try the CO method at my birthday in my room or in a tent at my mother's garden. But I am not sure yet, I assume it is better to try it in my room, because I need to buy a taxi, bus (lol) or take the bike to come to the garden.

Its a shame that many people do not have access to Pentobarbital. Many would have left if the availability is similar to shampoos, because life is just shit if you are poor. When you can't take it anymore and become disabled, you are only exploited by the medical industry like a slaughtered animal. In Spain it is really bad with organ trafficking too. If you have a accident there they take your organs, they do what gives them the most money.

In Germany the "mental health" industry is one of the strongest industries.
Therefore, unemployed people who receive Hartz IV/Bürgergeld (it's government aid) benefits are statutorily health insured and the health insurance (Krankenkasse) pays the psychiatric "help". This is always tax payer money. The only people who become richer are the people that own the psychiatric institutions and the psychiatrists and pharmacy workers who are drug dealers. The nurses and other lower wage slaves get their money (maybe 4.000 euro or more) too, but are always potential patients, especially the female nurses. I wish it on them, hope they get the same "help" they give to disabled and poor or elderly female patients.