Will losing weight solve everything?

[anonbpdgirl]

So, I'm grossly overweight due to my mental illness. Can't cook for myself. Buy shitty food. Can't deal with being hungry, which I am all the time, because it fills that hole where emotion should be.

Anyway... I've always hated my body. Like seriously hated it. I've felt trapped, unable to do the things I want or talk to people. I can't look in mirrors or buy clothes even when I desperately need them. I fucking despise myself.

I've tried time and time again to lose weight. It never works because I always fail. I give in to the cravings. I give in to my sadness. I fucking suck.

I'm trying again now. I've even signed up to a gym, for fuck sake. But is it even worth it? Is any of this worth it? Trust me when I say I'm trying to do it healthily — it just not going well... It never does for me. I'm in pain from being so hungry and I'm so tired from working so hard.

Is losing weight going to solve my problems? Will I feel confident, happier? Will I be able to buy clothes and take photos without crying? I know it won't take away my mental illness, but will it make it easier? If I go through this fucking hellshit? Have any of you been through this? Is anything worth it, ever?

 

[End Piece]

I'm not sure, but I think it's worth trying. I went on a small weight loss journey earlier this year myself, and I found going to the gym and calorie tracking gave me some structure I lacked. Progress on the scale does NOT equate with your worth, but it is a great way to display the control you have over your life. I'd stick with it. It gets easier.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

I've been in your position, so I can relate. I reached my heaviest weight of 310lbs only in highschool. I hated myself, I hated I couldn't just go into a store and pick out anything to wear, I hated how I looked in pictures and how people treated me. And I was already depressed back then so I figured I'd just eat myself to death instead of doing something about it. Well, somehow, somewhere, along the line I got the courage and strength to loose the weight. Since then I've lost about 130lbs. For awhile I felt much more confident. I could actually dress how I wanted without feeling embarrassed. I felt like I could just go up and talk to anyone and they wouldn't be judging me already for my weight. I could fit into rides at amusement parks, walk through small spaces without bumping into everyone and everything. It was nice, and over all it did improve the quality of my life and I was much happier than I ever had been.

I'd say go for it. If you think that is what is holding you back from truly being happy. The first month or so always sucks, but it does get easier as you go along. And it's not going to be a linear journey. Somedays you're going to cave in and binge eat everything you can. Some weeks you might skip the gym a few days and not work as hard as you should, but that doesn't mean you give up. You have to forgive yourself for these things and keep moving.
I just want to mention that depending on how much you're loosing, you will have loose skin and stretch marks. And it sucks, I'm not going to lie. I don't want to discourage you though because having gone through it myself I'd take my loose skin over being obese anyday, but it is something that you will have to deal with.

If you ever want to talk more about what youre going through or need advice, feel free to PM me. I'd be happy to chat

 

[noctiva]

No, it won't solve everything, but it can contribute to better health, including mental health. Losing weight is tough, I was a bigger teenager (BMI of 24.6 or so, barely under overweight) and had knee and back pain. I've since then lost weight, 30 kg in total (not a straight forward approach where you constantly lose some weight, sometimes up, sometimes down, but overall over the last 15 years it was a downwards trend).
I don't have knee pain anymore, except on very bad days where I've definitely exercised too much, no back pain worth mentioning. My depression is better, my skin is better, I feel better about myself.
But feeling confident, happy and beautiful has, for me at least, nothing to do with my weight. Due to a crisis I lost an additional 10 kg in the last 7 weeks, I'm almost underweight now, I don't feel beautiful now, I don't feel happy now, and there's definitely no confidence nor any wish to take pictures of myself.
I'm sorry you are feeling so unhappy, weight is, especially for females, a huge factor in our society and we are judged harshly for it. If you want to lose weight, make sure you do it for yourself, for your own physical health, your own mental health, your own reasons and not due to outside factors trying to turn you into something they would like to see. The development of confidence and happiness can be tied to your weight, but it is not necessarily, you can be happy, confident and overweight.
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself, you deserve it, no matter what.

 

[JimFord99]

It won't solve your problems, overweight is just a result of you problems, sorry, this may sound harsh, but it is the bitter reality.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

I lost a shit load of weight around 3 stone, I still felt like shit, it didn't change the pain, it didn't change my past, it didn't stop the flash backs, Yes I gained some confidence, but the reality it of it for me was it made no difference
Sorry I know people above say other wise, but meh, I don't believe in sugar coating stuff, and seeing both sides of thing's is better then rose tinted glasses!
Given that weight loss may work for you, you can never know until you try it!
Oh and ive put my weight back on plus some!!

 

[WhiteDespair]

There are little hacks you can do to make this easier when trying to lose weight. Find them.

 

[anonbpdgirl]

There are little hacks you can do to make this easier when trying to lose weight. Find them.

I've seen a lot but it's all rubbish, haha. Drink more water, eat leafy greens, stay away from carbs... Like damn, website, I ain't stupid!



RE: Everyone else

It has been invaluable hearing your experiences with weight loss and how it has or hasn't affected your mental health. I'm going to take it all into consideration. Thank you so much

 

[Lotus1818]

I don't think it will. I have by all means a pretty good life but I'm still depressed and want to die.

 

[noctiva]

It won't solve your problems, overweight is just a result of you problems, sorry, this may sound harsh, but it is the bitter reality.

That is true. But childhood obesity, though still a result of your problems as you point out, is the fault of the parents. It's being discussed if childhood obesity is actually a form of neglect or a form of abuse. So people struggling with obesity since childhood could not have done anything to prevent it way back when. A 3, 8 or even a 11 year old doesn't understand that s/he is obese and that the eating behavior learned from the parents is not normal or healthy. It is, as you say, a result of their problems, but one they could not correct at the time.
If you grew up with very bad eating habits, it's a lot harder to establish healthy eating habits and keep them throughout life, rather than if you grew up with healthy eating habits, then due to a bout of depression didn't follow them for a while, and then return back to them as you recover.
It's really tough to change your eating habits, even if you really want to lose weight, but you have learned that a bucket of B&J's every night gives you comfort.

@anonbpdgirl: Jim is right, being overweight is an expression of your problems. I'm not saying that neglecting your weightloss and only focussing on your problems will lead to weight loss, but for me, it did help a lot to work on my own happiness and mental health while exercising to lose the weight and to keep it off (so far). I think you cannot focus on only one of them. Trust yourself though, how you feel about yourself and try to build your happiness and confidence as you see. Weight loss can help with happiness and confidence, but it cannot be its only source.

 

[WhiteDespair]

I've seen a lot but it's all rubbish, haha. Drink more water, eat leafy greens, stay away from carbs... Like damn, website, I ain't stupid!



RE: Everyone else

It has been invaluable hearing your experiences with weight loss and how it has or hasn't affected your mental health. I'm going to take it all into consideration. Thank you so much

The hacks are more along the lines of make a bunch of stuff and freeze individual meals. You adjust to youe situation.

 

[noctiva]

I've seen a lot but it's all rubbish, haha. Drink more water, eat leafy greens, stay away from carbs... Like damn, website, I ain't stupid!

The only one I strictly follow is: Never go food shopping when hungry or, worse, craving something.
And boy do I struggle with eating anything green...

 

[LMLN]

Well, I dont think it will solve everything. But I do think there's something to be said about a healthy diet and proper vitamins. It could give you a little boost to look at your problems with a new perspective. I know I feel better when I'm eating well.
I don't even think you have to necessarily loose weight to start feeling better.

 

[jgm63]

It might help loads, or it might just make a moderate difference....
Why not just try, and see where it takes you....
The secret is to gradually make little changes over time, that add up....

You should re-train your taste buds to no longer like unhealthy foods, and to enjoy healthy foods.
Once you persevere and break through, then you won't crave the unhealthy stuff any more.

The rowing machine (ergometer) is the best exercise in my view. It is low impact, so won't strain your joints.
But it works so many parts of the body in one go.
You could literally do only that, and make amazing changes to your body....

But the biggest secret is to do a little bit often, and to become consistent.
Over time, the changes will start to add up....

 

[End Piece]

I just wanted to add that when I was at my fittest this summer, I still ended up very depressed... but at least I was depressed with abs, ya know? Ah, vanity.

 

[jgm63]

If you don't have time to cook healthy, well you can buy ready-to-eat salmon fillets, and avocados.
Those don't need any preparation time.
And eat an apple every day.

Also you can get some bags of unsalted, unroasted mixed nuts and raisins, for snacking.
Dates and prunes are also good healthy snacks.
Cashew nuts are good also.
And dark chocolate, 80% or higher.
Just start refusing to buy crap....
Also, organic free range eggs are a good idea.
Although it takes a bit of getting used to the first few times, you can eat them raw to save time and effort.
You simply crack them into a glass and drink (one or two at a time).
Or you can soft boil them. The more you cook them, the more you spoil the goodness they contain.
Eggs contain tons of good stuff.

 

[ArtVandelay]

The only one I strictly follow is: Never go food shopping when hungry

What do you do if there's no food in the house? Not eat? Or do you just make sure to go shopping before you get hungry?

I've found that I can only efficiently shop when I'm hungry. Otherwise, nothing looks appealing and I'll leave the store only buying 1 or 2 things.

 

[noctiva]

What do you do if there's no food in the house? Not eat? Or do you just make sure to go shopping before you get hungry?

I've found that I can only efficiently shop when I'm hungry. Otherwise, nothing looks appealing and I'll leave the store only buying 1 or 2 things.

I shop regularly, so I don't really run out of food completely, I think no one ever does, there's always some kind of canned food or so left.
I usually make a list during the week for the stuff I run out of and then get it on the weekend when I go shopping, I'm usually too exhausted during the work week to go shopping after work. What I don't do is that I go shopping for something I'm craving at the time. Food cravings usually dissipate after a short while, there's at least for me no use in trying to fulfill that.

It sounds to me that you shop daily then, basically you go to the shop when hungry and decide what you eat on that day? Or do you plan ahead for the whole week that way? Whatever works for you to keep your weight the way you want it to be :)

 

[ArtVandelay]

It sounds to me that you shop daily then, basically you go to the shop when hungry and decide what you eat on that day? Or do you plan ahead for the whole week that way?

Yeah I shop almost every day, usually buy enough food for the next day or two. I hate leaving the house and dealing with traffic, so I really should plan my shopping better. But I don't have much self control with food. I don't keep much in the kitchen because I will eat everything in 1-2 days, no matter how much I buy lol.

 

[noctiva]

Yeah I shop almost every day, usually buy enough food for the next day or two. I hate leaving the house and dealing with traffic, so I really should plan my shopping better. But I don't have much self control with food. I don't keep much in the kitchen because I will eat everything in 1-2 days, no matter how much I buy lol.

You sound like me when I was studying for my BSc. Back then, food still tasted like food. I think now, over the last 10 years I've had way less cravings and ideas on what I'd like to eat. Feels like.. you know, I've had chocolate before, it doesn't knock my socks off anymore, also the new saison flavor is kinda... boring? The only thing I still go crazy for is sushi, and even that is starting to get stale and boring and known. I don't know if others have that too, that the older you get, the less satisfactory food seems to become? Now it's always a 'Had it before', 'Predictable based on the ingredients', 'Boring' and sort of 'Meh'.
That's also why I don't really do cravings anymore, I get a craving and think 'Uuuh, popcorn/ B&J/ favourite chips' etc, go to the supermarket, buy it, get home, and it's just meh, not the overwhelming explosion I used to think it was from way back when.

The only time I still enjoy candy is when I'm eating it with the kids. They love it, and their joy somehow transfers to me, then gummy bears actually taste like gummy bears, and chocolate like chocolate.

 

[mediocre]

I went hard at trying to lose weight over the summer. Was doing 10k+ steps a day including the gym and losing 2-4 lbs a week. It was very hard to keep up especially when you are depressed and have physical health issues. I ended up becoming very sick in August for 2 weeks and have been very ill since. So no it didn't solve my problems. I lost about 15kg in total went from 109.5kg to about 93kg. I feel a bit lighter on my feet but that's about it. The depression and anxiety persisted. I am still sick even with healthy eating. Still have stomach issues and bowel problems with healthy eating and exercise. I just felt exhausted all the time. Perhaps I was doing too much I don't know.

I'm still glad I lost the weight though I just wish it made me feel at least a tad better than I normally do. I feel like anytime I've tried to better myself the universe comes back and kicks me in the face.

 

[Quax]

About 10 years ago I had 132kg, today I'm down to 80kg.... physically I feel much better, I had cardiac issues... they are gone... mentally it is better also, but not that better. Still waiting for the bus....although I have skipped some..... So....yes it has improved my life quality....at least a bit.

 

[lovemelovemenot]

I've seen a lot but it's all rubbish, haha. Drink more water, eat leafy greens, stay away from carbs... Like damn, website, I ain't stupid!

Honestly, I didn't follow a lot of rules losing my weight. I ate what I wanted and restricted my calories to under 1500 a day. Mainly drank water. Worked out 4 or 5 days out of the week. I did become vegetarian around the same time, unrelated to wanting to loose weight, and that might've helped but I definetly wasn't just eating vegetables all day long. Also it might be good to look into intermitten fasting. Basically only eating between certain hours of the day. The bigger you are the easier it is to loose. When you get down to under 200, then it becomes harder to loose the weight since you're body doesn't have to work as hard burning calories, and you might want to adjust your diet to healthier options then. Like others have said, being smaller won't solve all your problems but it will help you have one less thing to feel bad about. Again, good luck on your jounrey wherever it might take you.

 

[Nem]

Do you take meds that cause weight gain?
Peace/hugs

 

[Ame]

As others before me have mentioned, eating a more balanced, nutritionally rich diet and engaging in regular exercise may help with your mood (and overall health) but weight loss will never be the panacea for your ills. You have described eating as a way to help you deal with certain emotions, and that in itself teeters precariously on the edge of full blown eating disorder territory. It is a losing battle.

I think that it might be more constructive for you to shift the focus of your weight loss goals into something more self compassionate. Exercise because it is an activity that you enjoy and allows you to spend time with people whose company you enjoy. Learn how to cook healthy meals because it is a great skill to have and because you live to treat yourself and others to amazing foods. Bond with your loved ones over those meals so that eating becomes an enjoyable social activity rather than a coping mechanism. These are just some suggestions, but the point is to avoid attaching your happiness and self love to your weight loss goals. I think that incorporating these aspects into your journey will do a lot more for you in the long run than just focusing on diminishing yourself and losing weight.

As for the technical aspects of weight loss, do consult your primary healthcare provider and if you have the means, consider hiring a personal trainer to help you design a gym routine to start and a dietician to help you with meal planning. There are a lot of rubbish meal plans and diets in the Internet, so in this case it is best to seek professional guidance than to risk sabotaging yourself.

 

[BPD_LE]

From a BPD point of view, I get it. Food is a coping mechanism for you. Maybe going to the gym and exercise could replace it? It may help lift your mood and make you feel better about yourself. It's definitely worth a go. This isn't about food. If it wasn't that, it would be drugs, alcohol etc. It's about finding something to soothe yourself that isn't self destructive. Don't focus on food, or even your weight. Focus on trying to fill that void with exercise. Good luck ❤

 

[anonbpdgirl]

The hacks are more along the lines of make a bunch of stuff and freeze individual meals. You adjust to youe situation.

Don't have a freezer. Sorry.

If you don't have time to cook healthy, well you can buy ready-to-eat salmon fillets, and avocados.
Those don't need any preparation time.
And eat an apple every day.

Also you can get some bags of unsalted, unroasted mixed nuts and raisins, for snacking.
Dates and prunes are also good healthy snacks.
Cashew nuts are good also.
And dark chocolate, 80% or higher.
Just start refusing to buy crap....
Also, organic free range eggs are a good idea.
Although it takes a bit of getting used to the first few times, you can eat them raw to save time and effort.
You simply crack them into a glass and drink (one or two at a time).
Or you can soft boil them. The more you cook them, the more you spoil the goodness they contain.
Eggs contain tons of good stuff.

I am doing all this stuff (minus the stuff that tastes gross to me, lol!) I have a generally really healthy diet - being vegetarian helps. I just... find myself binging a lot. I'll get sad, and I'll eat. And I'm sad a lot, haha.

Do you take meds that cause weight gain?
Peace/hugs

I am on birth control! That's it right now, though. My doctor is looking into mood stabilisers though... Have no idea what effect they'll have.

As others before me have mentioned, eating a more balanced, nutritionally rich diet and engaging in regular exercise may help with your mood (and overall health) but weight loss will never be the panacea for your ills. You have described eating as a way to help you deal with certain emotions, and that in itself teeters precariously on the edge of full blown eating disorder territory. It is a losing battle.

I think that it might be more constructive for you to shift the focus of your weight loss goals into something more self compassionate. Exercise because it is an activity that you enjoy and allows you to spend time with people whose company you enjoy. Learn how to cook healthy meals because it is a great skill to have and because you live to treat yourself and others to amazing foods. Bond with your loved ones over those meals so that eating becomes an enjoyable social activity rather than a coping mechanism. These are just some suggestions, but the point is to avoid attaching your happiness and self love to your weight loss goals. I think that incorporating these aspects into your journey will do a lot more for you in the long run than just focusing on diminishing yourself and losing weight.

As for the technical aspects of weight loss, do consult your primary healthcare provider and if you have the means, consider hiring a personal trainer to help you design a gym routine to start and a dietician to help you with meal planning. There are a lot of rubbish meal plans and diets in the Internet, so in this case it is best to seek professional guidance than to risk sabotaging yourself.

I have struggles with disordered eating my whole life and it's really amazing you've picked up on that through my post. It makes losing weight and thinking of health and "calories" so very difficult. I can often get caught up and starve myself and then it just gets... bad. But I'm really trying to be different this time, haha. I say that every time but... at least this time I'm going to the gym 2-3 times a week.

From a BPD point of view, I get it. Food is a coping mechanism for you. Maybe going to the gym and exercise could replace it? It may help lift your mood and make you feel better about yourself. It's definitely worth a go. This isn't about food. If it wasn't that, it would be drugs, alcohol etc. It's about finding something to soothe yourself that isn't self destructive. Don't focus on food, or even your weight. Focus on trying to fill that void with exercise. Good luck ❤

You're honestly so brilliant. Thank you so much for being so understanding.

 

[lotus11]

look up the snake diet on you tube. Its a community of overweight people trying to loose weight in a non conventional way. Col the founder of the site offers coaching etc. Hes incredibly popular and seems to get a lot of results.

 

[WhiteDespair]

Don't have a freezer. Sorry.

I am doing all this stuff (minus the stuff that tastes gross to me, lol!) I have a generally really healthy diet - being vegetarian helps. I just... find myself binging a lot. I'll get sad, and I'll eat. And I'm sad a lot, haha.

I am on birth control! That's it right now, though. My doctor is looking into mood stabilisers though... Have no idea what effect they'll have.

I have struggles with disordered eating my whole life and it's really amazing you've picked up on that through my post. It makes losing weight and thinking of health and "calories" so very difficult. I can often get caught up and starve myself and then it just gets... bad. But I'm really trying to be different this time, haha. I say that every time but... at least this time I'm going to the gym 2-3 times a week.

You're honestly so brilliant. Thank you so much for being so understanding.

You also said that you didn't have a stove or something. That does make it harder to eat better.

There are tricks. They're just getting more limited in practicality.

 

[APharmaDestroyedLife]

We all have our "coping" mechanisms I suppose, for some its food other video games, others drugs. You should try not to be ashamed about your outward appearance. It's TRUE what really matters is what's on the inside. I will say this. Losing weight and just making a healthier change in your diet can help rid your body of all kinds of toxins and yeasts that may be affecting your mood. Putting less strain on your heart and all your other organs will help them to all function better and that will also help rid toxins and help create healthy cells. A lot of people trying to lose weight get caught between extremes. You dont have to dive in 100 percent to going to the gym all the time and radically changing your diet. It's to much change, to fast. Rather try making minor adjustments every few weeks or once a month set a small goal that you can stick with, then add another goal you can stick with. If you do that just once a month in a year you will have 12 new healthy habits that arent hard and dont feel like work, because you eased into them.