Will I move on?

[DetachedDreamer97]

I'm just about ready to finally go through with it and it'll be soon. I feel helpless, and nothing I say, or do will matter. Especially when I have to work. When I finished a drawing for my grandmother with Alzheimer's, she's talked about how she's going to get me out there in helping me make money drawing portraits for people starting with her group, but I don't think I have the strength anymore.
Then comes my dear friend, L. I know she wouldn't handle my death well. I can't even mention it to her because I feel she could break.
Along with everyone else I know.

I hope that when I die, I don't have to worry about the effect it'll have on them. Will it all become irrelevant?

If anyone whose had a near death experience, that would further help.

 

[Gaybonez]

Depending on how much someone cares about you and their personality, they will carry that pain for a long time or forever

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

Depending on how much someone cares about you and their personality, they will carry that pain for a long time or forever

I know that part. I'm asking if it'll matter to me when I'm dead.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I'm asking if it'll matter to me when I'm dead.

 

[Hatari]

My belief is that it will not matter. I am planning my exit myself, and, at least from my point of view, what happens to others is not something I am spending a lot of time thinking about.

What awaits beyond is....bliss.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

I SAID... If I'm dead, will I move on without being concerned for the bereaved?

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

I SAID... If I'm dead, will I move on without being concerned for the bereaved?

The question does not make sense, since you would not exist. You asked if when you are dead (not existing), would you then be concerned (exist).

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

The question does not make sense, since you would not exist. You asked if when you are dead (not existing), would you then be concerned (exist).

I'm worried about my consciousness lingering on or being in an afterlife where I'd somehow have to watch the reactions of other people. I keep trying to convince myself that nothing matters after I die, but I can't overcome my fucking guilt, because how they'll react will be my fault.

 

[WornOutLife]

I was in a comma for 2 days after my failed attempt and my family panicked. They all put the blame on my innocent dad, who was the only one who had and is still supporting me.

To sum up, my death, inevitably, will affect others for some time at least.

If I really wanna ctb, I'll have to ignore those facts and go for it.

 

[Makko]

I'm worried about my consciousness lingering on or being in an afterlife where I'd somehow have to watch the reactions of other people. I keep trying to convince myself that nothing matters after I die, but I can't overcome my fucking guilt, because how they'll react will be my fault.

The risk of you becoming a fairy tale tormented ghost is quite low. Your obstacle isn't what happens after you die, but your guilt right now when you live. Escaping that guilt and all the other bad stuff is the whole appeal of death, but thinking this will increase your current guilt, since you know that others will be suffering while you will not. You're stuck in a circle that you can only break by understanding that, if you can't accept the inherent collateral damage of death, you're not ready to die.

Suicide is like setting off a bomb. If you're alone in the wilderness, no one else will notice or care. But if you're among people, the explosion will do damage to them. If you can't make peace with that, then you can't set off the bomb, and will continue to carry it around as a burden on your shoulders.

 

[BornofDust]

I understand your issue. Is there a way that you can exiling to them if you decide to explain it to them that this decision is yours and is not their fault. Just to receive them of the burden and guilt. Also I'm kind of with @Makko on this in terms of as soon as you die, there would be no feelings of guilt or any of that stuff, just you. Your gonna just become another dust in the wind. What ever happens next is not your concern since you no longer exist. There will be some collateral damage since that's an inevitability. I hope that this conflict in you have a resolution soon, whether you choose to live or die. It is good to complicate the consequences of this sort of decision since stuff like this shouldn't be taken lightly. It up to you obviously in how this conflict within you reaches a resolution.

I'm lucky in terms of not having to deal with that guilt or remorse when the time comes since no one knows or likes that I exist, I don't have anybody that I care about IRL, and no one that cares about me( my own mother hinted that she wouldn't mind if I died.) so the only thing preventing me from doing the deed is the fear of harmful consequences( for example a broken neck and brain damage from hanging). So it is myself that's preventing my own resolution.

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

@WornOutLife
@Makko
@BornofDust7679
@dantracht
Alright, thanks guys... I guess it really is just up to me to put my emotions aside and let go.

 

[Gaybonez]

I'm worried about my consciousness lingering on or being in an afterlife where I'd somehow have to watch the reactions of other people. I keep trying to convince myself that nothing matters after I die, but I can't overcome my fucking guilt, because how they'll react will be my fault.

There's no way to say this without sounding condescending. Buuuut, that sounds like a personal problem. If you're worried about it then do not kill yourself. It's that easy. You have built a damned if you do damned if you don't mindset in your head. Don't kill yourself then. Problem solved

 

[DetachedDreamer97]

There's no way to say this without sounding condescending. Buuuut, that sounds like a personal problem. If you're worried about it then do not kill yourself. It's that easy. You have built a damned if you do damned if you don't mindset in your head. Don't kill yourself then. Problem solved

I understand...