I suppose the reason I tried to ctb last August was because my wife left me and destroyed our family. It left me feeling abandoned,angry,alone. I went from raising my two boys full time to seeing them for a few days once a week. That has destroyed my self worth a lot. On top of my wife calling me degrading things. Talking down to me. Almost as if she looks down her nose when she speaks to me. I have a plan to ctb. I have the belt and spot to do it. I will not fail this time if I decide to do ctb. I feel as if I will never invest my emotions in to a women like I did with her ever again. I guess the only reason I have not gone through with the plan I have is because of my two little boys. Sometimes it feels like she wished i was this bum she has made me out to be. All I do is work now. 10 plus hours a day almost 7 days a week. I have also started doing opiates to take the edge off. Not good I know. I am not sure what I am looking for in this forum maybe just a place to vent and be heard I am not sure. Like I said I have a plan to ctb just not sure when. I guess if the army tells me no to joining I might go through with my plan. Just sad and alone feeling. I would do a lot to get my family back together but if one party wants to see the destruction of it nothing can be done. Not to mention it has been 7 or 8 months and she has yet to file for divorce. Has all kinds of reasons why she has or can not do it. Just feeling sick of the world and all that surrounds me. Life has never been good to me. Always have had to fight for my peice of the pie. Thank you if you have read this far if you have I appreciate the interest in my venting.
franklynlb
Member
- Oct 13, 2020
- 54
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. I know break ups can be specially hard, more so with kids in the middle. I'd advice u to give yourself time to heal from the break up before you make any rash decisions. Sometimes when we are hurt we make decisions that are not in our best interest. But if you feel thats the way to go, you'll find support in this site.
Even tho it must be very difficult, not seeing your kids every day doesn't mean you can't be there for em, or eventually get em more days for yourself, maybe it's a good thing not to have em all day long right now, since kids can be tiring, and you need some time to figure things out.
I hope things work out for yourself, friend.
Even tho it must be very difficult, not seeing your kids every day doesn't mean you can't be there for em, or eventually get em more days for yourself, maybe it's a good thing not to have em all day long right now, since kids can be tiring, and you need some time to figure things out.
I hope things work out for yourself, friend.
She has separated from you and have taken the children away from you. You can file for divorce and make the first move to get your boys back. It would look favorable on you because your wife has abandoned the marriage, and has abused and gaslit you. Lawyer up, and visit reddit.com/r/divorce for more help there.
Abir_london
Experienced
- Jun 15, 2020
- 208
I'm so sorry you are going through this !
Let me tell you something abs trust me on this you'll find 100% better woman than your ex!! Show her that you can do better!!
work on yourself,lost weight,apply for better job and be the cool father who the kids can't wait to visit and vent to!
Let me tell you something abs trust me on this you'll find 100% better woman than your ex!! Show her that you can do better!!
work on yourself,lost weight,apply for better job and be the cool father who the kids can't wait to visit and vent to!
I'm really sorry to get you're broken-hearted. I wish I could make you understand that there are lots of women out there who would really love you but I know that it's not that easy to get over somebody. It's happened to me before. That's why I don't give my heart to anyone. I just don't wanna waste my time.
Anyway, I wish you the best, eternal peace and send you lots of hugs!
Anyway, I wish you the best, eternal peace and send you lots of hugs!
I suppose my thinking is if she wants the divorce she will have to file. If she wants to destroy our family she will have to do it. I was planning on filing but I stopped because I wont be the only who nails that coffin shut. She wants it so she will have to go through with what she started. I have always bailed our family out when her plans fell through the floor. If I file it will be saving her that guilt. She will be able to say well I didnt file the divorce he did. I might be wrong thinking that but it is how I feel about it.
If she files before you do, she has the upper hand in setting the stage and scenario which puts you on the defense which is never good for a man in a divorce setting. If you file first, then you get the upper hand, and face it, your marriage to your wife is OVER, but your relationship to your boys ISNT. So let the divorce lawyer focus on the kids and start playing a bigger role in their lives. She already fucked up by taking the kids away from you without seeking legal representation. It's almost akin to kidnapping unless you were actively abusing them. Do you know if she has a person that she's seeing? A boyfriend that she's cheating on you with?
I know I should file first. I probably wont though. Iv only really got the energy to get up and go to work anymore. And when there around do my opioids. Iv became extremely self destructive to that end. I can take the kids whenever I want i just have to go to work to rebuild my life from basically zero. No not basically zero from absolutely zero.i would take the kids full time if I could have found a babysitter I tried. No support from my family or anyone else. I tried state help with daycare and I am a man so no help there. So I got a job that has plenty of hours and no off season. So that is what I have been doing just working and taking my boys on my days off. I am not sure if she is seeing someone else I am sure she is. I told her the other day when I was upset I will never forgive her for destroying our family not like she gives a shit. I also called her out about her inability to take the slack up to raise the boys full time by herself. She was the breadwinner in the relationship. I took care of the boys. I did a lot I did not necessarily want to do. I wanted to go to work to. We just had no support from our family's with childcare.
Th
Thank you. I am broken hearted yes. I was broken mentally spiritually emotionally an in some aspects physically. I have always had stuff like this happen to me though out my life. I should be use to it by now. Peace seems like something I have never known. Like I said I have a plan that I will know will work to ctb I have practiced it I know where to put the belt and about how long it will take to pass out. The anchor point this time wont fail. It gives me a strange sense of calm knowing if things fall out from under me again I have an out. I just know what being abandoned by your dad feels like and I do not want my boys to feel that pain.
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fixitinpost
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here
- Oct 20, 2020
- 161
I'm really sorry you're going through this man. Thanks for sharing this with us 
. 7-8 months is a really fresh wound too. It's been almost 10 months since my ex-domestic partner left me. Couldn't even imagine what strength it would have taken me to get through 7-8 months after a marriage with kids. Amazing display of strength.
I agree 100% with what @Symbiote has said. Lawyer up and file for divorce before your wife does. If for nothing else than to get some closure. I think the sooner you get that, the sooner your heart and your spirits will be able to start recovery at full pace. And as much as it hurts too much to envision right now, and while you might feel uneasy about at it first, further down the line I think you will feel so much better having been the one to nail that coffin shut. When my ex broke up with me I already knew she had another guy lined up, and what she essentially was doing after the breakup was trying to keep me around in case her plans with that guy backfired. I said bollocks to that and completely shut her out of my life. Turns out it was the smartest thing I ever did during that relationship. Obviously not the same situation in practice, but same in principle in this respect I think.
Here's what I suggest you do. Take a day off work, whenever you can., and book an appointment with a divorce lawyer that day (most places you can probably just go to their website and ask them to call you if you don't feel you have the energy to call them). Then allow yourself to do whatever for the rest of that day. Whether that would be buying and finishing a tub of ice cream, arranging to take the kids to the park, or just lie in bed and read SS. It may sound silly, but an accomplishment calls for a celebration.
Now, if it was my old self about 2 months after the breakup (which would probably not even equal your 7-8 months) I was talking to, he'd probably think I was crazy expecting him to do all that. I just wish then that, while I was back in time, I could also let him feel the positive impact those actions would have in the future. I would at least tell him to save the thought until one of the better days.
I can so much relate to this. Back when I was at my worst, I acquired some SN and it gave me that very sense of calm.
You have my big hugs, thoughts and sympathy my friend.
. 7-8 months is a really fresh wound too. It's been almost 10 months since my ex-domestic partner left me. Couldn't even imagine what strength it would have taken me to get through 7-8 months after a marriage with kids. Amazing display of strength.I agree 100% with what @Symbiote has said. Lawyer up and file for divorce before your wife does. If for nothing else than to get some closure. I think the sooner you get that, the sooner your heart and your spirits will be able to start recovery at full pace. And as much as it hurts too much to envision right now, and while you might feel uneasy about at it first, further down the line I think you will feel so much better having been the one to nail that coffin shut. When my ex broke up with me I already knew she had another guy lined up, and what she essentially was doing after the breakup was trying to keep me around in case her plans with that guy backfired. I said bollocks to that and completely shut her out of my life. Turns out it was the smartest thing I ever did during that relationship. Obviously not the same situation in practice, but same in principle in this respect I think.
Here's what I suggest you do. Take a day off work, whenever you can., and book an appointment with a divorce lawyer that day (most places you can probably just go to their website and ask them to call you if you don't feel you have the energy to call them). Then allow yourself to do whatever for the rest of that day. Whether that would be buying and finishing a tub of ice cream, arranging to take the kids to the park, or just lie in bed and read SS. It may sound silly, but an accomplishment calls for a celebration.
Now, if it was my old self about 2 months after the breakup (which would probably not even equal your 7-8 months) I was talking to, he'd probably think I was crazy expecting him to do all that. I just wish then that, while I was back in time, I could also let him feel the positive impact those actions would have in the future. I would at least tell him to save the thought until one of the better days.
I can so much relate to this. Back when I was at my worst, I acquired some SN and it gave me that very sense of calm.
You have my big hugs, thoughts and sympathy my friend.
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bad luck
Memento mori
- Mar 2, 2021
- 772
Trust me, he can understand what you're going through. I went through the same thing and am literally on the verge of suicide. I just need to drink my sodium nitrite. A hug brother
Please don't join the military :( it's a big part of why the world is turning into hell. You are working for the bankers who destroy countries and people, and wars about stealing the resources of those countries and then leaving wreckage. Sorry u are having marital issues and your wife treating u like garbage. Damn I wish there was something I could say to help u cope with this situation. I know it's really rough for many men out there. I will leave a link that might help u understand that it's not all your fault. Men are very punished in our society. https://avoiceformen.com/.
Wow this brings back alot of memories for me. Wife wanted to separate almost 2 years ago. We were married 18 years and We have 3 boys. I completely understand what you are going through. She was the breadwinner and although I was also working full time I looked after my boys alot because off my flexible work schedule. After she wanted to separate I found evidence she was cheating on me for almost 2 years prior. That was the Dagger to my heart. And she admitted to it! It was like a 360 degree change in her attitude towards me.
Now Almost 2 years later, I have rebuilt my life at age 46 with my own place and have the kids 50/50. And a new GF. It takes time to heal my friend. And I can admit the pain is still not completely gone. Nightmares panic attacks still haunts me everyday.
But lawyer up for sure! It's the only way to get what you deserve. Make sure you get 50% Of EVERYTHING you've built together during the marriage.
Good luck my friend! PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Now Almost 2 years later, I have rebuilt my life at age 46 with my own place and have the kids 50/50. And a new GF. It takes time to heal my friend. And I can admit the pain is still not completely gone. Nightmares panic attacks still haunts me everyday.
But lawyer up for sure! It's the only way to get what you deserve. Make sure you get 50% Of EVERYTHING you've built together during the marriage.
Good luck my friend! PM me if you need someone to talk to.
Lost10
Member
- Feb 24, 2021
- 80
My husband just left me. I gave up my whole life for us and his career. I am not able to take care of myself due to medical issues now and will lose my medical, medications, and any quality of life when it is finalized. I really feel where you are coming from.
Well for me no one likes me because im on the spectrum, but I met this amazing girl on the internet and we talked everyday, shortly after we exchanged photos we fell out. I really liked talking to her because I was depressed for years and even suicidal and now I had someone to look forward to talking to everyday.
Your wife must be even harder but at least you got married can you try to get a new wife? A lot of ppl breakup
Your wife must be even harder but at least you got married can you try to get a new wife? A lot of ppl breakup
ClairyFairy
Wizard
- Jan 22, 2021
- 623
If she filles to the court you'll be chasing her narrative. If she says you hurt her/kids the burden of proving her wrong will be on you but if she starts saying stuff after you've filed it's taken more like she's attacking you because she's wounded
I know. I should file I just cant or wont idk what to say. I suppose I am thinking about when my kids are old enough to ask questions. I will be able to tell them no mommy did not want us as a family she is the reason we are not together.
Sorry to hear that. That said, I have to make a serious request.
My father's suicide was the result of a similar situation, shot himself when I was 4, and my sister was 2. Mom was seeing another guy and he was worried about losing his family. Reached out to others, but it wasn't enough, and long story short, I was the first to find his body.
I have reason to believe that my mother was a big part of driving him to suicide, spiritually. Knowing her the way I do, I can understand it. But at the same time, he left behind 2 small children to deal with her abuse and the abusive situations she put us in up until she abandonded us when I was 17. Whatever hell he was going through as a grown man, it was much worse for young children.
(The other issue was the cover-up, being told no one knew why he did it, just that he was very sad and loved us very much, only to find out the truth years later, and how people knew he was in pain but acted like it was out of the blue. If it was ok to say to a young child, the lies into adulthood, when I was old enough to deal with the truth, only added to the sense of betrayal on their part.)
So whatever you do...think first, are you strong enough to stay around for your children? If not, then you have to ask, are THEY strong enough to endure your death and whatever the consequences may be? If not, then how you can leave the alone? And if they ARE, they why aren't you? And if you still decide to go, can you at least make sure they are not being thrown into their own version of hell? At the very least, for all that is good and true, don't leave your body to be found by your children.
My father's suicide was the result of a similar situation, shot himself when I was 4, and my sister was 2. Mom was seeing another guy and he was worried about losing his family. Reached out to others, but it wasn't enough, and long story short, I was the first to find his body.
I have reason to believe that my mother was a big part of driving him to suicide, spiritually. Knowing her the way I do, I can understand it. But at the same time, he left behind 2 small children to deal with her abuse and the abusive situations she put us in up until she abandonded us when I was 17. Whatever hell he was going through as a grown man, it was much worse for young children.
(The other issue was the cover-up, being told no one knew why he did it, just that he was very sad and loved us very much, only to find out the truth years later, and how people knew he was in pain but acted like it was out of the blue. If it was ok to say to a young child, the lies into adulthood, when I was old enough to deal with the truth, only added to the sense of betrayal on their part.)
So whatever you do...think first, are you strong enough to stay around for your children? If not, then you have to ask, are THEY strong enough to endure your death and whatever the consequences may be? If not, then how you can leave the alone? And if they ARE, they why aren't you? And if you still decide to go, can you at least make sure they are not being thrown into their own version of hell? At the very least, for all that is good and true, don't leave your body to be found by your children.
Isadeth
Visionary
- Jun 12, 2020
- 2,538
I'm so sorry for what you've endured. I couldn't imagine either not seeing my children frequently or preventing their father from seeing them. I definitely have to commend you on your work ethic through it all. That's no easy feat.
I don't know the ages of your boys, but from the sounds of it they're young. If you can, focus on them... not your wife. I know, I know. Easier said than done. Separating hurts. Change hurts and can be horrifically scary. I wish I could offer a solution to your problems and reasons for wanting to ctb. If the army denies you, it's okay... maybe look into other fields of service... but on a civilian level. You're more than welcome to message me. This is a great place to vent and feel heard. You're not alone and should you still decide to ctb, you're not going to feel isolated. ♡ I hope you have a good day hun. Even if a dark cloud seems to be following you. Xx
I don't know the ages of your boys, but from the sounds of it they're young. If you can, focus on them... not your wife. I know, I know. Easier said than done. Separating hurts. Change hurts and can be horrifically scary. I wish I could offer a solution to your problems and reasons for wanting to ctb. If the army denies you, it's okay... maybe look into other fields of service... but on a civilian level. You're more than welcome to message me. This is a great place to vent and feel heard. You're not alone and should you still decide to ctb, you're not going to feel isolated. ♡ I hope you have a good day hun. Even if a dark cloud seems to be following you. Xx
I felt the same way, i recognize a lot of things in your post. But all those things, your confidence, the degrading things she said, and which keep repeating in your head will go away too. Focus on ur kids. If she is so eager to destroy the family, she isnt worth the effort, or pain. In time the pain will diminish.
Thank you for this post I have read it a few times. My oldest who is 6 would forever think daddy abandoned him. He kind of all ready thinks that. I know when I was around his age my dad just left the state and never came back I felt so abandoned. For a long time after he left I would wait for him to show up at the end of my grandparents drive way for him to show up. Just little me waiting for my daddy to come get me so I could go with him. He never came. I can understand what my son is thinking right now and it makes me sad and cry that my wife can just say well he will get use to it so callously.
ClairyFairy
Wizard
- Jan 22, 2021
- 623
That's what I thought I promise you it just doesn't work like that. You might not get that chance. You can tell them their mom didn't natter to you. you always just wanted to make sure that you did what was the best thing for them
I honestly don't know what to tell you other than take care of yourself.
Don't worry about your boys too much. You can only do so much when your wife is in the way, legally.
I say this as someone who first met his dad as an adult. I now have a better relationship to him than to my mom. Psychopathic women are legally and socially encouraged to play their narcissistic opera and take center stage as the victim and hero at the same time. Fuck that stupid whore. Your boys will be alright.
"Famous last words"...
You don't know that. My father left my sister and I with our abusive mother when he "took care of himself", i.e., CTB, when we were toddlers. Shot himself in the head, left the body for us to find. Then years of abuse after that, with no protection, and no recourse until she finally abandoned us. If he wasn't strong enough to deal with her, what chance did a 2 and 4 year old have? I have had suicidal thoughts because of her since I was at least 8...
I just read a quote yesterday that went "Better for fight for something than to live for nothing." I'd add to that, "or to die for nothing." If someone brings children into this world, there's a reason to fight, right there. At the very least, if CTB is the conclusion, at least...at the VERY least, make some provisions for their well-being until they are able to fend for themselves.
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