Hello, I am new to this site so I apologize if I do something wrong. I'm just looking to vent I guess but I do however already have a way out. A little over 7 years ago I met the love of my life, I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her. It felt like we were destined for each, the perfect match and absolute soulmates. We completed each other, there was no mistaking we could have been the exact same person. She was my best friend, and I wanted her forever so I decided to propose to her. A little time before this we had found out she was pregnant and it was going to be a boy. I spent every day taking care of her during her pregnancy, both physically and mentally. One night she went to the bathroom and noticed spotting, it wasnt long until blood started pouring out of her and she began to feel light headed. I rushed her to the doctor who said she was having a placental abruption, and that she along with the baby could die. After that they started operating on her while she regained consciousness. I saw everything, the blood, the opening, tools being used. It scarred my mind for life, its something I'll never forget. Then I finally saw them pulling out our baby. They were both perfectly fine, it was the happiest moment of my life that I can never forget. Years later and our son is now a toddler. I dont know what's happened. I dont understand where I went wrong. But my wife of 7 years decides this is it; she doesnt want a family anymore. Shes tired of me and our son and just wants to be young and free. We went through the splitting up process and everything and I now have our boy. I dont know what to think. Every night I spend crying myself to sleep. Nothing brings comfort anymore as everything I do only reminds me of her. I have tried dating around to feel better but it never works, I am incapable of loving any one else. I've tried sex as well but it made me nauseous. I hated the smell of another woman on me, and her taste on my mouth. I have absolutely no one other than my son. My immediate family is all gone and my father passed away from cancer not too long ago. I have never felt so alone in my life. It never gets any better, I can assure you that. There's just no possible way I can ever forget her or stop loving her, how can I? Meanwhile she has absolutely disappeared from our lives without a trace. Every day I repeat things back in my head on what I could have done differently to prevent this. I do nothing but blame myself and just beg God to let me go back even just for one day. If I do end up killing myself I hope Christianity is wrong about suicide sending me to hell, as I'd very much like to see my late father again. He was the only person who truly loved me until the end, through faults and all.
- Status
you can let it out man, we're here to support you. unfortunately the love of your life is gone, and now you have to be strong for your child and take care to grow and be an incredible human being as you are, overcoming this immense loneliness. hugs
1st off, WELCOME to Sanctioned Suicide! It is great to have you as a new global family member. WE are a global family of loving,caring empathic people with kindness and support for all of our global family. 2nd, my heart broke in millions of little pieces when I read your post. I can not even imagine such a situation. Please try and remember that you have all of us here that love and care for you. I really wish you all the best as far as we are here for YOU. You have all my love, caring and empathy that I have in my soul and being to try and help you out. Walter 
Such is life, the one person that is giving you unconditional love because you're the only person in that little man's life is your son. Live for your son, love your son, be the man that you want your son to grow up as, and teach him to not come across women like your ex-wife who flake out when something is amiss.
Thank you for the kind words. Its hard to not be selfish my self and just end it. I love my son more than anything but I hate the life I have. I grew up without a mother myself who did the same thing my wife did. I always told myself id never let my son have the exact same life I did but now it seems out of my control. I may never even get closure and it just gets harder and harder each day.
Dead beat dad
Enlightened
- Mar 5, 2019
- 1,030
Brother this is so painful to read and I'm so sorry this is your journey so far.
You must feel so alone and frustrated.
I wish there would be something we could that could fix this overnight and everything would be alright, but we know it's not that easy.
I hope you feel you can vent here. Keep talking, there are good kind and compassionate folk here and if you need an ear this place has them in abundance.
I am a dad too and the I feel the pain of your conundrum.
It is clear you have such reserves of love in you to talk the way you do - that love is power to you my brother, that love can show your son, the world, but most importantly you, that: you matter.
Vent here, scream, shout, swear, go to those dark places if you need to, but brother believe me as this site has shown me that there is light in the dark, there can be for you too.
Love and respect my friend.
DBD
You must feel so alone and frustrated.
I wish there would be something we could that could fix this overnight and everything would be alright, but we know it's not that easy.
I hope you feel you can vent here. Keep talking, there are good kind and compassionate folk here and if you need an ear this place has them in abundance.
I am a dad too and the I feel the pain of your conundrum.
It is clear you have such reserves of love in you to talk the way you do - that love is power to you my brother, that love can show your son, the world, but most importantly you, that: you matter.
Vent here, scream, shout, swear, go to those dark places if you need to, but brother believe me as this site has shown me that there is light in the dark, there can be for you too.
Love and respect my friend.
DBD
As much as we want closure and things returning to normalcy, you may have to just let go and move on from your ex-wife. She made her decision, she left you out in the cold, no need to think of her anymore. Just think of how you're going to raise your son and keep your head up high. After I leave my abusive situation, I'm gonna heal myself too, do things that I wanted to do that I couldn't, and live life until I get paralyzed or too old to walk.
LigottiFan19
Member
- Nov 21, 2020
- 20
This is a terrible, terrible circumstance. Millions of people have been in this awful position before, millions more will be in the future. It is fucking awful, it is devastating, it is deeply, deeply unfair. Keep talking. You are drowning in grief right now, rightfully so. Keep talking.
Do not orphan your child.
Do not orphan your child.
fixitinpost
Arriving Somewhere But Not Here
- Oct 20, 2020
- 161
I feel your frustration, but remember that this isn't a contest. I too have struggled on the relationship front. But as things are now, with my ex-domestic partner cheating, crushing my sense of self, ripping out my heart and throwing it into the woods, and running off with someone else, I actually long for the feeling of "forever alone". And if you at this point are thinking "well, he doesn't know how I feel" then... the same could be said for you and OP's feelings.
I don't mean to sandbag you here, but I think less thinking in black and white will go a long way.
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LigottiFan19
Member
- Nov 21, 2020
- 20
What do you think a sexual experience will do for you? How would it change your life?
x~Sophia~x
Always give 100% - unless you’re donating blood.
- Sep 10, 2020
- 1,361
What a ridiculous comment!
I could also say "What you've never had, you'll never miss."
Perhaps your outlook on life and the importance of losing your virginity, is the reason why you're a 40 year old virgin. Go pay a prostitute a visit!
God, I'm sitting here absolutely miserable and in pain due to a short, but incredibly intense relationship of a year. I can't imagine being in such a committed and long-term relationship as you and not just ending my life then. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your situation. These situations are complicated, and I don't think anybody can really help you when it comes to such an impactful and devastating loss. There's some videos I'll link below, that I think help just a little bit.
Let me say this though: You will never forget her, you will never stop loving her, but it does get easier. I used to get nauseous when people said that time heals all wounds, because that can be bullshit in so many ways, but I really do think time makes dealing with intense heartbreak more.. manageable. It's not a clear path, it's a roller coaster. There will absolutely be ups and downs. Some days you'll feel fine, others you will wake up and just cry, and cry and heave. You'll blame yourself, you'll mentally envision hundreds of different scenarios of what if's.
The thing I believe you're doing is something I've been doing : You're idolizing your ex wife. You're thinking about all the good times, the positives. The wonderful things she did that made you love her. But trust me when I say even the most beautiful people aren't angels. She absolutely did things you didn't enjoy, or things that bothered you. Perhaps she didn't respect some boundaries you had. At the very end of the day you can look at the fact that she left you and your son how she did, and you should use that. She's not perfect, if she was she never would have hurt you and your son like that. Take her off that pedestal, realize she's human.
Understand that every single person in this world that has had intense, intimate love tells themselves the same fucking thing -"I will never love anyone again, I will never find somebody who loves me like she did!". This is not only untrue, but it's also so unfair to yourself. You can't blame yourself for what happened with your ex wife, you need to be able to blame her for her shortcomings. There are people out there that will love you, and appreciate you. It's scary, and I don't recommend you try right now either. Take some time, look up videos on how to deal with this. Maybe join communities of people who can help you, like /r/breakup or /r/exnocontact. It absolutely is going to be a battle you're going to fight for a very, very long time, but you absolutely can become better.
I'm not sure about your relationship with your son, but focus on that. I don't know how old your son is, I'm going to assume 7 years old from the post information. He's a young guy, but he's not so young he won't know what's going on. He's going to need you more than ever. It'll be hard, he'll remind you of your ex wife, but he's hurting too. He needs you to help him mature. Make that your mission. Focus on yourself, your son.
I know this is a lot of words, and I wouldn't be upset if you discounted a lot of it as bullshit or me trying to pull up nonsense to make you feel better. All I can tell you is I've looked into this for a very long time, and I've applied all of this to my own life and I wouldn't be saying any of this to you if I didn't believe that is has helped me make it another day. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, It's unfair and nobody can truly take that hurt away except for yourself, your son and time.
I know the videos look like bullshit, but they've helped me a ton to understand the situation and come to better terms with it. These are just a few, you can always DM me if you'd like other sources.
Let me say this though: You will never forget her, you will never stop loving her, but it does get easier. I used to get nauseous when people said that time heals all wounds, because that can be bullshit in so many ways, but I really do think time makes dealing with intense heartbreak more.. manageable. It's not a clear path, it's a roller coaster. There will absolutely be ups and downs. Some days you'll feel fine, others you will wake up and just cry, and cry and heave. You'll blame yourself, you'll mentally envision hundreds of different scenarios of what if's.
The thing I believe you're doing is something I've been doing : You're idolizing your ex wife. You're thinking about all the good times, the positives. The wonderful things she did that made you love her. But trust me when I say even the most beautiful people aren't angels. She absolutely did things you didn't enjoy, or things that bothered you. Perhaps she didn't respect some boundaries you had. At the very end of the day you can look at the fact that she left you and your son how she did, and you should use that. She's not perfect, if she was she never would have hurt you and your son like that. Take her off that pedestal, realize she's human.
Understand that every single person in this world that has had intense, intimate love tells themselves the same fucking thing -"I will never love anyone again, I will never find somebody who loves me like she did!". This is not only untrue, but it's also so unfair to yourself. You can't blame yourself for what happened with your ex wife, you need to be able to blame her for her shortcomings. There are people out there that will love you, and appreciate you. It's scary, and I don't recommend you try right now either. Take some time, look up videos on how to deal with this. Maybe join communities of people who can help you, like /r/breakup or /r/exnocontact. It absolutely is going to be a battle you're going to fight for a very, very long time, but you absolutely can become better.
I'm not sure about your relationship with your son, but focus on that. I don't know how old your son is, I'm going to assume 7 years old from the post information. He's a young guy, but he's not so young he won't know what's going on. He's going to need you more than ever. It'll be hard, he'll remind you of your ex wife, but he's hurting too. He needs you to help him mature. Make that your mission. Focus on yourself, your son.
I know this is a lot of words, and I wouldn't be upset if you discounted a lot of it as bullshit or me trying to pull up nonsense to make you feel better. All I can tell you is I've looked into this for a very long time, and I've applied all of this to my own life and I wouldn't be saying any of this to you if I didn't believe that is has helped me make it another day. I'm so sorry that you're going through this, It's unfair and nobody can truly take that hurt away except for yourself, your son and time.
I know the videos look like bullshit, but they've helped me a ton to understand the situation and come to better terms with it. These are just a few, you can always DM me if you'd like other sources.
xLosthopex
Tell my dogs I love them
- May 29, 2020
- 1,135
Wtf this is so insensitive, and doesn't even make sense. These are two completely different issues, there's no need to compare your suffering to OP. As someone above said, it's not a competition.
Welcome to the forum OP, my heart breaks for you reading this. I hope you find the support you are looking for on here
Dr Iron Arc
Into the Unknown
- Feb 10, 2020
- 20,685
I get where you're coming from but as a fellow "forever-alone" person, part of why I find it so hard to get into relationships in the first place is the fear of situations like these happening. I'm a stupid, sappy sucker who'd fall hard in love with whoever my first relationship ends up being with and the thought of someone betraying me a few years later is enough to scare me and cause me to rethink getting into things. Even though I wish I could experience the kind of life OP had before his wife left him, surely I would think that such a long fall from happiness is far more devastating than the current, lonely life I lead now which I have already become so accustomed to for over 26 years. There's no need to be jealous for the happiness he used to have when he's just had it stripped away.
OP, as others have said but better, you at least have your son to live on for. Hopefully you might be able to find someone else down the line but don't try to force it if your heart still longs for her. If by some miracle she decides to come back to you, be wary since she could send you back to square one in feeling this type of pain. I wish you the best...
I say this with all due respect - I believe the amount of people who are truly actually "involuntary celibate" in the sense they can NOT find sexual partners or romantic partners is INCREDIBLY low. I have seen many unattractive men with extremely attractive women and vice-versa. If you go outside and look around it's actually very common. I don't mean to be rude, but almost everyone I've spoken to that shares similar views to yourself aren't actually ugly, disfigured, etc. They are usually the things holding them back by not taking care of themselves, either mentally, physically, lack of grooming, fashion etc. I understand and try to respect everyone's situation and feelings on this website, but I think perhaps you and people with similar views are making excuses on this very specific issue.
On al less friendly note, don't come in here with your self pity to lecture a guy who's entire life just went to shit due to a serious situation like this. You can support him, understand him, you can even disagree while acknowledging how much pain he is in, but don't try to make this about you.
StringPuppet
Lost
- Oct 5, 2020
- 579
You don't talk to women like this do you?
Op, I'm very sorry for your loss. Maybe she just wasn't ready to settle down for the rest of her life. It's terrible, but sometimes people don't realize until it's too late.
I know the loss is painful, but you have some beautiful, amazing memories. You got to feel true love. Hold onto that, because no one can take that away from you.
I know the loss is painful, but you have some beautiful, amazing memories. You got to feel true love. Hold onto that, because no one can take that away from you.
Bro, you make it like getting laid is so hard... There's a girl who I haven't seen for two years who just asked me to fly out to see her for a Netflix and chill night. No, I never did anything with her before, and yes, I am going to see her.
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Disappointered
Enlightened
- Sep 21, 2020
- 1,284
OP I went through something similar years ago but thankfully without children involved. I'm so sorry you have to experience this as it is truly a hellish realm. You have my sympathy and support if you need it. Unfortunately all I can suggest is to try your best to forget about her (assuming she doesn't want to consider reconciliation) and stay focused on finding new happiness and most importantly, a new woman. Only a new woman will help you to truly move on, at least from my experience. Otherwise, it may improve through time alone but that improvement is slow. Even today I have psychic scars from someone leaving me over two decades ago. The key is to find a woman you can do exciting things with to distract you and to create new impactful memories with. It may still be too difficult if the wound is fresh but hopefully in time you will be able to move forward.
Yeah so to be fair, they are involuntarily celibate if there is something holding them back, regardless of whether it's looks or height, that they are not able to modify despite their desire to.
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I agree, I lost my partner in a house fire earlier this year, we were together for over 20 years, we were inseparable and I am now completely broken. I don´t think anyone should judge another´s pain unless you are able to get into that person´s head, which of course we are unable to do. And yes, this is definitely not a contest.
I appreciate all your comments and kindness to a stranger like me. I cant say for certain I'll stay on this site or continue posting but I'll lurk for now. I can only hope I can be as good as a father to my son that my father was to me, since it seems we're doomed to share the same fate of growing up without a mother who cares. I won't lie, every night when I go to sleep I dream things are back to normal again. I wake up in the morning and cook us breakfast, i put cartoons on for my son to watch as me and the wife talk about random things and laughing for a few hours while we eat before we start the day. Id call it a nightmare, but really being awake is the nightmare. For now I'll see how things turn out, as hard as it is.
Deleted member 94
Wizard
- Mar 24, 2018
- 696
I know of 40 year old virgin, he his trying to get into relationship on one of those websites which cater for those with mental health issues. Perhaps you can try that but be warned he isn't suicidal like me so he knows that he can pursue this without ever considering bailing out via suicide. He says he is in it for possible marriage and long-term.
Neowise
We fly and fly but never reach our destination.
- Oct 7, 2020
- 455
Welcome in our community :)
I am really sorry to hear your story. I have never been in a relationship so I can't even remotely imagine the pain you have to go through. It sounds like you are trying to fight your sadness as good as you can, I hope we can help you somehow. If you want to talk or vent we are all here to listen!
How long has it been since you divorced if I may ask?
I am really sorry to hear your story. I have never been in a relationship so I can't even remotely imagine the pain you have to go through. It sounds like you are trying to fight your sadness as good as you can, I hope we can help you somehow. If you want to talk or vent we are all here to listen!
How long has it been since you divorced if I may ask?
xLosthopex
Tell my dogs I love them
- May 29, 2020
- 1,135
Welcome to the group. I am a parent of young children as well if you ever want to talk. I don't know how anyone can just walk away from their children the way your ex did. That must've been incredibly heartbreaking for you, and it will be for your son once he is old enough to understand. What you're doing for your son is absolutely amazing. I hope you know how great a person you're being for him
That really means a lot to me. Thank you. Its so hard to not give up. I suffer from bipolar so every time I try to get stronger the next day is just like hitting the reset button and I'm down to zero again. I thought id be spending the next holidays with my family, but it seems like I'll be alone in a quiet house in another city. Like I said before, I have no immediate family outside of my son. I suppose i made the mistake of absorbing my ex wife's family as my own (every one in her family is still alive, uncles, grandparents, father, mother, cousins) and I'm down to nothing again. I try my best to not feel so doom and gloom and just be thankful I have a son, but its hard at times. I'm sitting here doing nothing on Thanksgiving day, and it will be the same for Christmas.
I understand. The kids are usually my only company as well. It's really not the same as having family and friends. I don't have family and my ex's family hates me. My older 2 are with their dad today and my non verbal toddler is here with me. It's quite lonely, but hug your little one since it's very good to keep perspective you're not truly alone as long as there is a tiny human that loves you. I know the struggle to keep going, and I feel it every day as well. Living for others can be very difficult, but also rewarding if we focus on the good parts. Sending you many hugs.
UpandDownPrincess
Elementalist
- Dec 31, 2019
- 833
It can absolutely get better. I know it can.
I know because I'm sitting here watching the Godfather with my husband who was - wait for it - a single, custodial dad of FIVE kids after his wife had an affair and left him.
We've been married for more than a decade, the youngest kid is now 23 (kindergarten when we first met) and we are so well paired that everyone claims to want a relationship like ours.
You are not destined to be alone forever because of your past. I know it can feel that way. I had my own horrible breakup years ago, but I hung in there, made my career my focus for a while and found the man of my dreams before I turned 40.
It's important to be there for your son. One thing I've learned through lots of work with children: for kids, they play out the divorce over and over again, every time they have to leave one parent for the other. As adults, time really does help - but kids keep having to replay it over and over again. Let him know that it's okay to see mom and that you'll be okay without him (even when this is a big, fat lie!) and remind him that you'll always be there for him to come back to.
I'm just a stranger on a message board, but I hope you'll find some solace in my words. I'm not here on SS because my life is miserable, because it's actually pretty awesome. I'm here because my bipolar drives me to very bad thoughts.
Hang in there. And if you keep talking, we'll keep listening.
I know because I'm sitting here watching the Godfather with my husband who was - wait for it - a single, custodial dad of FIVE kids after his wife had an affair and left him.
We've been married for more than a decade, the youngest kid is now 23 (kindergarten when we first met) and we are so well paired that everyone claims to want a relationship like ours.
You are not destined to be alone forever because of your past. I know it can feel that way. I had my own horrible breakup years ago, but I hung in there, made my career my focus for a while and found the man of my dreams before I turned 40.
It's important to be there for your son. One thing I've learned through lots of work with children: for kids, they play out the divorce over and over again, every time they have to leave one parent for the other. As adults, time really does help - but kids keep having to replay it over and over again. Let him know that it's okay to see mom and that you'll be okay without him (even when this is a big, fat lie!) and remind him that you'll always be there for him to come back to.
I'm just a stranger on a message board, but I hope you'll find some solace in my words. I'm not here on SS because my life is miserable, because it's actually pretty awesome. I'm here because my bipolar drives me to very bad thoughts.
Hang in there. And if you keep talking, we'll keep listening.
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