Why.

[Mofreeko]

I am going to kill myself not because I'm giving up, but because I know there is no hope for things getting better. I have tried. I have tried so hard. Support groups, drugs, setting goals, forming relationships. Through it all one idea persists: I don't want to be here anymore. There is nothing and no one on this planet that I want to stick around for. Life has its ups, but when most of it is nothing but downs you gotta cut your losses. I'm so tired of walking around like a zombie where everything that once interested me has lost its luster. I don't want to be here anymore. I want out.

 

[InkBlot]

I am in the exact same boat friend. I have a good job. A nice car, wonderful pets, I was in really good shape and health, I have my own house....and my demons never left. Ive become an alcoholic, lost weight and muscle mass. I'm tiring out. The demons caught up, and Im out of energy. Nothing feels better. Im in no better of shape emotionally than I was 2 years ago. I know your pain.

 

[suffering]

There is nothing and no one on this planet that I want to stick around for.

Me neither.

 

[Mofreeko]

I am in the exact same boat friend. I have a good job. A nice car, wonderful pets, I was in really good shape and health, I have my own house....and my demons never left. Ive become an alcoholic, lost weight and muscle mass. I'm tiring out. The demons caught up, and Im out of energy. Nothing feels better. Im in no better of shape emotionally than I was 2 years ago. I know your pain.

I have this theory, that if you don't form a solid core during your childhood, like if you're not loved properly or experience trauma or whatever. Like if you don't form a solid sense of self early on, then no matter what you achieve later on in life, it will never be enough to fill the black hole left from your shitty childhood. No matter how much money you make, or how loved you are later you can't fix what's broken at your core.

 

[spanishguy22]

I have this theory, that if you don't form a solid core during your childhood, like if you're not loved properly or experience trauma or whatever. Like if you don't form a solid sense of self early on, then no matter what you achieve later on in life, it will never be enough to fill the black hole left from your shitty childhood. No matter how much money you make, or how loved you are later you can't fix what's broken at your core.

Wow man. That's exactly what I strongly believe and experienced myself. I was isolated all throughout adolescence and it fucked up my brain.
I went from being a child full of life to a 20 year old with a zombie brain. I don't have any interests ambitions or anything anymore. I don't enjoy playing videogames or watching TV. Or any form of entertainment.
As a child I was extremely happy and enjoyed all these things to such a degree that just thinking about it makes me cringe about how braindead I am. I can't enjoy anything. You may well have hope though.y situation is different to a lot of you. But years of isolation in my room destroyed my brain.
But I won't live a shitty life like this. I know what normal feels like and I know I won't ever experience something like that ever again no matter how normal my life is. No matter how beautiful my gf is or how many friends I have.
I am fucked and that's why I'll ctb.

 

[JadedGray]

This is exactly how I feel. At this point I just think I was cursed. Some have everything come together for them and fall into their lap without even trying and others have to spend their whole life searching and fighting for basic happiness. At this point it's just living to lose, why bother anymore. I don't even get my hopes up anymore about anything to lessen the disappointment.

 

[Mofreeko]

This is exactly how I feel. At this point I just think I was cursed. Some have everything come together for them and fall into their lap without even trying and others have to spend their whole life searching and fighting for basic happiness. At this point it's just living to lose, why bother anymore. I don't even get my hopes up anymore about anything to lessen the disappointment.

This is the conclusion I've come to. The only excuse I could come up with for my existence is that everything needs an opposite to be defined. Hot and cold. Good and evil. Rich and poor. Winner and loser.

 

[JadedGray]

This is the conclusion I've come to. The only excuse I could come up with for my existence is that everything needs an opposite to be defined. Hot and cold. Good and evil. Rich and poor. Winner and loser.

Yes and unfortunately we're the "losers" of life. We've lost at this game of life. So be it, I never wanted to play this game in the first place.

 

[marcusuk63]

Yes and unfortunately we're the "losers" of life. We've lost at this game of life. So be it, I never wanted to play this game in the first place.

A very valid point by OP