Venting why we don't thank for life

[Darkover]

The notion of gratitude for life is deeply ingrained in many cultures, religious teachings, and social norms. From childhood, many people are taught to be thankful for the gift of life itself, often as part of a broader moral or spiritual framework. However, there is a growing perspective that challenges this view, questioning why we should express gratitude for an existence that is marked by inevitable suffering, challenges, and uncertainties. This essay explores why many individuals may not feel compelled to thank life, delving into the philosophical, existential, and experiential factors that contribute to this view.

The Burden of Suffering

One of the most compelling reasons why people may not feel grateful for life is the inescapable nature of suffering. From birth to death, human existence is fraught with pain, loss, illness, and adversity. Many people experience chronic physical or emotional suffering, and even those who lead relatively comfortable lives cannot escape the inevitable realities of aging, death, and grief. The philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer emphasized that life is characterized more by suffering than by happiness, and that the fleeting moments of joy are often overshadowed by the enduring weight of pain. In this view, life is not something to be celebrated but something to be endured.

For many, the fact that life involves inevitable suffering makes it difficult to feel thankful for existence. Why should one express gratitude for a life that brings not only pleasure but also immense hardship? The randomness with which suffering strikes—whether in the form of illness, poverty, or emotional trauma—seems to underscore the unfairness and cruelty of existence. From this perspective, life appears less like a gift and more like a burden that individuals must carry without any guarantee of relief or redemption.

The Absence of Consent

Another reason people might not feel inclined to thank life is that they never asked for it. Birth is not a choice; it is an imposition. This lack of consent is a central tenet of antinatalism, a philosophical position that argues it is morally wrong to bring new beings into existence, given the certainty of suffering. Antinatalists argue that it is unethical to impose life on someone who never had the chance to decide whether they wanted to exist or not. From this viewpoint, life is not something to be thankful for but rather something that has been forced upon individuals without their consent.

The absence of choice in being born leads some to question the fairness of being expected to be grateful for life. It is as though one has been thrust into a play without auditioning, handed a script they didn't choose, and then asked to be thankful for the experience. This lack of agency over one's own existence creates a sense of resentment rather than gratitude for life.

The Futility of Existence

Philosophers such as Albert Camus and Jean-Paul Sartre have explored the idea of existential futility—the notion that life has no inherent meaning or purpose. According to these existentialist views, the universe is indifferent to human existence, and any meaning that individuals derive from life is ultimately self-imposed. For some, this realization leads to a sense of absurdity: life is a series of struggles without any ultimate purpose or reward. If life is fundamentally meaningless, what is there to thank?

Many people find it difficult to reconcile the futility of existence with the expectation of gratitude. If life is nothing more than a temporary experience marked by fleeting pleasures and inevitable pain, why should one feel thankful? Even achievements, relationships, and joys are transient, destined to fade away in time. This sense of impermanence can make expressions of gratitude seem hollow or misguided.

The Asymmetry of Suffering and Happiness

Another important consideration is the asymmetry between suffering and happiness. While moments of happiness and pleasure do exist, they are often fleeting and far less impactful than experiences of suffering. Moreover, the extremes of suffering—such as chronic illness, severe mental anguish, or loss—can be so overwhelming that they overshadow any potential for joy. The psychologist Paul Bloom has pointed out that human beings are more sensitive to pain than to pleasure, a phenomenon known as "negativity bias." This bias suggests that suffering has a greater psychological impact than happiness, further supporting the idea that life is not something to be grateful for.

For many, this asymmetry tips the scales in favor of pessimism. The risk of suffering, especially extreme suffering, seems far more likely than the possibility of sustained happiness or fulfillment. In this view, life is a gamble in which the odds are stacked against the individual. The potential for deep suffering far outweighs the fleeting nature of happiness, making it difficult to feel thankful for existence.

The Imposition of Expectations

Society often imposes expectations that life must be cherished and that gratitude is a natural response to existence. These expectations can feel burdensome to those who do not resonate with this perspective. For people struggling with depression, existential despair, or chronic hardship, the pressure to be thankful can feel like an additional weight on their shoulders. Instead of allowing individuals to honestly confront their feelings about life, society's insistence on gratitude may deepen feelings of isolation or alienation.

In some cases, expressions of gratitude may even seem performative, masking deeper feelings of dissatisfaction or unhappiness. The cultural insistence on being thankful for life, despite its inherent struggles, can feel disingenuous to those who see life as more of a trial than a gift.

Conclusion

Gratitude for life is not a universal experience. While many are taught to see life as a gift and express thankfulness for their existence, others view life through a lens of suffering, futility, and lack of consent. The unavoidable pain, the randomness of suffering, the absence of inherent meaning, and the asymmetry between suffering and happiness all contribute to a worldview in which gratitude for life seems misplaced or insincere. For these individuals, life is not something to be celebrated but something to be endured. The expectation of gratitude, then, becomes another imposition, adding to the already heavy burden of existence. Rather than thanking life, many people may instead question its value, seeking ways to make sense of their experience in a world where suffering seems inevitable and meaning elusive.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think encompassed within this is the expectation that we should be grateful or at the very least, respectful to our parents. That's not to say we don't owe them gratitude or respect. Some parents are incredible.

But still, I suppose it's the reverse of this I find weird. Like- I've heard women complain of the terrible labour they went through to their child! Like it was the child's fault. Or, how awful they were as babies- keeping them up all night. And it continues into adulthood- they still haven't moved out. They don't have a job. They don't like their friends. But it's like- you chose to have children! Your child didn't inflict its life and all its problems on you maliciously- you made the decision this was something you wanted to experience. Maybe you thought you were doing them a favour bringing them into all this but- they may well disagree with you! I wonder if most would-be parents just have rose tinted ideas on how things will turn out.

 

[Darkover]

I think encompassed within this is the expectation that we should be grateful or at the very least, respectful to our parents. That's not to say we don't owe them gratitude or respect. Some parents are incredible.

But still, I suppose it's the reverse of this I find weird. Like- I've heard women complain of the terrible labour they went through to their child! Like it was the child's fault. Or, how awful they were as babies- keeping them up all night. And it continues into adulthood- they still haven't moved out. They don't have a job. They don't like their friends. But it's like- you chose to have children! Your child didn't inflict its life and all its problems on you maliciously- you made the decision this was something you wanted to experience. Maybe you thought you were doing them a favour bringing them into all this but- they may well disagree with you! I wonder if most would-be parents just have rose tinted ideas on how things will turn out.

You're absolutely right in pointing out a strange paradox when it comes to the parent-child dynamic. There's an unspoken expectation that children should feel grateful to their parents, simply for the fact that they were given life, while the reality of parenting can often be fraught with complaints and frustrations, some of which, as you mentioned, seem directed at the child as though they had a say in their own existence. This tension raises important questions about responsibility, expectations, and the often unexamined assumptions that accompany parenthood.