Why was I picked on in college?

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

As I am reflecting on the progress made in my family with my dad, I have been reflecting on my bullying story. While I am fortunate to have had great college professors and even some friends I still talk to, for whatever reason iw as victim of bullying. Laughing, being made fun of, and even sexual assault. When you often look into college, online and I person people talk about bullying as if it never happens in college. That everyone is mature and nobody does that immature stuff. So why did it happen to me? Can anyone relate?

 

[Deleted member 18655]

I was bullied all through elementary and high school. But not university. I'm sorry you had to go through it at all, especially at a time that should have been a lot more memorable.

Forgive my two cents worth!

Maybe you were the victim of others taking revenge for having been bullied. Maybe when they got a chance to leave behind being bullied in high school they chose to get power by inflicting pain on others. On you. Bullying is about power, and jealousy and feelings of inadequacy. Rather than treating others the way they wanted to be treated they just continued the cycle.

As much as it doesn't stop any of the damage that may have occurred, you (and I) can stop thinking it was personal. It had nothing to do with you and everything to do with what they were going through.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

When you often look into college, online and I person people talk about bullying as if it never happens in college. That everyone is mature and nobody does that immature stuff. So why did it happen to me? Can anyone relate?

I can relate to this. As for your question - why did it happen to you? Because they are bullies... That's it. They get a kick out of hurting people for no reason and they decided to target you. There doesn't need to be a reason because they are just sadistic people. Sorry if the answer sounds empty.

You mention maturity - well maturity isn't all about age, there's not a magic year in peoples lives when they suddenly snap out of being mean-spirited. Things like bullying are to do with personality and attitude (not just age) so people can be bullies at any age. Humans can change, sure, but sometimes they are either unable or unwilling to alter those 2 things, so they go through the rest of their lives being mean. It can work the other way as well: Somebody could start out nice when they are young, and turn nasty in adulthood.

To try and put it another way: When you are in school you are bullied because you don't fit in with the cool kids, or because you are not wearing the latest fashionable clothes. When you are an adult you are bullied because of your job or social status. The judgemental, cliquey behaviour doesn't stop when you become an adult, it just manifests itself in another way.

I like to use the phrase: "People never grow up. They just grow old."

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

Thanks guys, I just feel like the minority. Like, I wish I knew other people like me but they dont seem to be in the majority

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I think it's very common for your generation even if you don't know others who experienced it. Please know I'm not trying to negate you or tell you what you experience! I've just seen so much evidence, read accounts and even met people who experience hardcore adult bullying.

I'm 49. The Internet wasn't a thing until my mid-twenties, and social media started taking off in my early thirties. Since then, I've noticed that a bullying culture has developed, and people who are on the receiving end go through it even through college. Bullying culture is now outside of schools and is found in work environments, I mean hardcore toxic shit that I didn't experience in my decades of working. So I think what you experienced is a reflection of this culture and not a reflection of you.

I don't know why you were singled out, but I don't think you were the only one, even if you haven't met anyone. It's possible that people who experienced it feel ashamed and/or experienced so many threats and retaliations that it may not feel safe to them to talk about it.

 

[DeathIsTheWayOut99]

I think it's very common for your generation even if you don't know others who experienced it. Please know I'm not trying to negate you or tell you what you experience! I've just seen so much evidence, read accounts and even met people who experience hardcore adult bullying.

I'm 49. The Internet wasn't a thing until my mid-twenties, and social media started taking off in my early thirties. Since then, I've noticed that a bullying culture has developed, and people who are on the receiving end go through it even through college. Bullying culture is now outside of schools and is found in work environments, I mean hardcore toxic shit that I didn't experience in my decades of working. So I think what you experienced is a reflection of this culture and not a reflection of you.

I don't know why you were singled out, but I don't think you were the only one, even if you haven't met anyone. It's possible that people who experienced it feel ashamed and/or experienced so many threats and retaliations that it may not feel safe to them to talk about it.

That sucks. It just makes me feel bad overall. like institutions always say "report this/tell us if so and so happened" but they do nothing

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

That sucks. It just makes me feel bad overall. like institutions always say "report this/tell us if so and so happened" but they do nothing

Yup. Same thing happens with human resources departments in jobs. In fact, just like in universities, they can be downright abusive.

Putting some anecdotes in a spoiler in case you would feel worse to read it.

Spoiler

I was sexually harassed by a co-worker and then blamed by HR for his doing it, because I was talkative and friendly and one of my skirts was short. They told both of us to say nothing to co-workers, so I never did, while he did and tried to smear my reputation, and of course he got away with it.

I've had so many shit bosses that all of the employees complained about, and they just kept being allowed to do the same shit. There was one manager who was awful, a true sociopath. The company wouldn't do anything. Then suddenly he was out of the office way too much, so a co-worker followed him when he was supposed to be doing something off site for the company and caught him working another job as a manager for another company at the same time! She walked in on a meeting and he got fired there. He wasn't fired immediately with our company, he was given a certain number of days to quit, and on the morning of the last day, when there was only one other person in the office, he faked a stroke. He'd had one in the past. I don't know how he managed to get away with it with the doctors (he was really smart and also had a brother who was a doctor), but the company had to pay for his temporary disability. Then they actually let him come back when he'd sufficiently recovered, but he'd supposedly had memory loss. He said that it had been his habit since he's had memory loss with his first stroke to keep a detailed daily journal, so he knew things about each of us at work even though he didn't remember any of us. Way too many details for a journal. It was so creepy. (And some people on the forum think I'm paranoid when I recognize and call out manipulative bullshit! This was but one example of the over the top manipulation I've witnessed in my life.)

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

There are bullies in adult life too... in the work force, in your family... everywhere. That's just some people's M.O.

 

[Bauhaus]

Like coeur.brisé I also was bullied in elementary & high school but not in college. (I'm glad I don't live in the 70's anymore, HATED that decade)
Maybe times have changed now and people are more immature or you had the bad luck to sit in a class with bullies.

 

[HeavyOne]

I'm deeply sorry to read what you have been through. You have been amazingly strong! You got your degree, you were able to look away (at your professors) and collect some positive memories!

I've been bullied at elementary school, but honestly it didn't affect me that much.
As an adult, I've been bullied by my relatives. Every F time I saw them, they laugh at me, make fun of me (make fun of my success, they are so small they made fun of my eyeglasses too). This really affected my quality life. I don't know how, but I let their words find a space inside me. I spent many hours looking for an answer on "why me?" question (I have a cousin just 3 years older, why not him?). I found an answer, which may suit just my situation. They bullied me because I allowed them to. It was not my fault. Bullies are so small, so miserable that the unique "quality" they develope in their useless life (when I write this, I think of adult bullies) is recognise someone that will no react or over react to their words.
When they made fun of me I was so shocked (everyrtime!) I wasn't able to say anything, and I was (I'm ashamed as I write this) afraid if I react they could be even worse and make me feel guilty for my reaction.
I needed lot of time of silence without meeting them, and, as I was trying to stand up in my life, pain was leaving and anger was entering in me.
This is where I am now. And before ctb I need to end this circle. I will meet them again in the next months (maybe for Xmas) and I will be ready to reply to whatever comes out from their filthy mouths and I will shut them up! I'm going to give them a good reason not to like me...it will be my Xmas gift for both me and them! I owe it!

Forgetting is impossible. Please, if you can look at them closer. You will see how small they are and how empty their life is! And then look at you! How strong you are, although all you have been through! Your remained the kind sould you are, always there to help and still able to find beauty here and there! To me...this sounds a win!

Sending you hugs!