Venting why the fuck does no one take me seriously

[アホペンギン]

My parents never took me seriously, my "friends" dont take me seriously, my siblings dont take me seriously. No one takes me seriously. I want to ctb so much now to prove to them that i'm not lying and im fucking not like this because im a fucking attention whore. I tried to get help but no one is willimg to help me, i have no choice but to ctb at this point. I told my friends i'd be dead in a few years and all they responded with is "we'll see." of course you'll fucking see when i'm on the news for killing myself with SN. I have been wanting to kill myself for years and im pretty sure my parents noticed what was wrong with me but they didn't give a shit. same with my siblings. They'd mock me for trying to express myself, for doing SH because i couldn't take the pain anymore. Everyone abuses me, destroys my mental health, completely suck any self esteem that i have for myself away from me. No one has any remorse for me. I'm not sure if the world is just made to absolutely despise me or i'm just really that unlikeable. All these years, i tried my best to respect anyone, despite how they acted towards me but i'm fucking done. No one appreciates my efforts and they now made me believe that i'm as useless as they told me daily. My parents were horrible to me. Abused me daily, directed every single fucking argument they had towards me, even if i wasn't the one in the wrong. Just because im supposedly "strong". fuck that. maybe i used to be strong but thats not the case anymore they fucking ruined any chance that i had of success. I cant even have a decent conversation anymore. Im socially awkward, cant maintain a conversation. They never taught me the fundamentals life skills and abuse me mentally and physically every day and expect me to want to live still. Fuck this shit. They don't know anything. If they ever cared they would at least apply for therapy for me or something.. They see how i act every day, how many cries for help i show and they are still as ignorant as they were years ago. I don't know what to do anymore. As soon as i get my hands on SN i'll ctb. I even told this to my stupid friends and they laughed at me. I don't think i can be taken seriously. By anyone. I don't even know what i did for people to view me so negatively. today, i called out my siblings for not giving a shit about me for all these years and they made up a shitty lie and ended the conversation. In 10 seconds. I don't know what to do at this point, I'm adamant about suicide and people still don't believe i actually have the guts to go through with it. They'll see, though. (sorry for going all over the place im just so fucking mad at everyone right now.)

 

[Sweet Tart]

Family is the worst. I'm sorry for all the abuse you've been thru. You deserve kindness and compassion- from yourself as well as from others. I hope you can give yourself a break even if people in your life are unreliable and lack empathy. Siblings can be very disappointing when they are wrapped up in their own stuff and unable to help. It took me a long time to see this and it sucks.

 

[▪︎⚠ ＫＯＨＩ ⚠▪︎]

Don't worry, it's natural to be mad when you feel that everyone close to you just uses you, don't care for you and take you as a joke.

I'm not a pro-life neither a pro-dead or whatever it is called for these two terms as I don't too much about them. But I'm just a person that'll say an impartial opinion.

I'm not invalidating you the fact that you feel that your parents don't care for you by the reason that they haven't help you get some sort of help. If I'm honest I relate to that.
It may sound as bullshit but why don't you try to get some help by yourself? A suicide hotline or something even if it's small.
You don't lose anything by trying it.

If it doesn't help, well, at least you had tried.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

What your parents and friends are doing is they push you further forward to go ahead with your plans to ctb instead of opening themselves up to really listen to your problems and desires. This behaviour is typical for people who do not have any kind of real problems.

 

[not a person]

if you want to save yourself, don't seek help from them, help yourself, seek help from someone specialized, don't wait for them to do it

 

[FuneralCry]

So many humans really are too cruel to me, I find it so dreadful how other people very often just create even more suffering in this world, they lack any compassion.

 

[アホペンギン]

Don't worry, it's natural to be mad when you feel that everyone close to you just uses you, don't care for you and take you as a joke.

I'm not a pro-life neither a pro-dead or whatever it is called for these two terms as I don't too much about them. But I'm just a person that'll say an impartial opinion.

I'm not invalidating you the fact that you feel that your parents don't care for you by the reason that they haven't help you get some sort of help. If I'm honest I relate to that.
It may sound as bullshit but why don't you try to get some help by yourself? A suicide hotline or something even if it's small.
You don't lose anything by trying it.

If it doesn't help, well, at least you had tried.

i have tried many things already, nothing helped.