Why maintain an existence that doesn't serve me in any way?

[Morte]

we are granted almost no agency over our circumstances. We do not choose our bodies, our appearance, our families, or the place into which we are born. Yet we are compelled to expend tremendous effort simply to sustain this existence that has been imposed upon us. An existence that, in the vast majority of cases, does not align with our desires.

Personally, I would never have chosen to be born in a third world country, least of all in a body I perceive as frail and unattractive. Why strive so to preserve an existence that offers me little satisfaction, when even the effort to keep it is hellish?

I regard it as a profound injustice that a small minority enjoys vastly superior circumstances, while the overwhelming majority, possess so little in comparison.

I isolate myself into rpg games, the appeal lies precisely in this contrast: I experience genuine control. Outcomes feel just and proportionate, rendering the virtual far better than reality. And when a game is bad, what do we do? we give up on it. With life shouldnt be any different, its just a bad game for me.

 

[NutOrat]

I isolate myself into rpg games, the appeal lies precisely in this contrast: I experience genuine control. Outcomes feel just and proportionate, rendering the virtual far better than reality. And when a game is bad, what do we do? we give up on it. With life shouldnt be any different, its just a bad game for me.

That's what I've been doing too, using games and even modding them as an additional way of feeling in-control. Even though I'm not living in poverty, and most of my problems are arguably self-inflicted, I do feel very powerless in life, mostly because I just can't bother changing anything - I gave up on the game, even if I didn't quit it (yet).

It really is just a boring RNG-fest with tons of pointless grind. Even taking into account all the good parts (which are also RNG whether you'll even experience them), this game fucking sucks, and I sympathise with anyone wanting to drop it. I guess I keep playing for the *chance* of it getting better, or maybe me getting better at it, I don't know.

 

[lpdsvm]

I agree with having no choice so I try to care less all I care about is my method or even methods. Trying to do my job and get paid but if I fail no stress. At least less of that. Screw it.

 

[Abort!]

The only comfort I realistically have is that even the top dog's 'legacy' is most likely just an illusion. We can reliably presume that nobody will persist past the heat death of the universe. All will be forgotten in the end. Material success means little in a presumably infinite timespan.

They may win in the short term, but nobody is ultimately above you when all is said and done. I explicitly reject the idea that suffering reflects some greater moral failure or 'spiritual' inferiority. I don't have any answers, but that's the only framing that helped me. Good luck OP. I hope you're able to find some measure of peace without having to resort to anything drastic.