Why live if I'm always going to be like this

[OverTheRainbow]

My bpd has ruined another relationship of mine. My grand dad passed away a day ago and I got really insecure and upset with a friend. My bpd flares up really bad when I'm extremely down and I was asking them questions like 'please can we talk' and 'do you really want me around' and I was doing so well up until then... They got really annoyed at me and I tried to take full responsibility and tried to explain my thought process at the time... But they're just ghosting me. I thought if they respected me they would at least respond... But no...


I'm just broken. I can't expect them to want to talk to me after this and I guess I have to let them go but it hurts so much. I want them to like me... But they don't... This is always going to be the case. Dying would help everyone, not just me..

 

[followingfate]

man I understand. my moms got bpd and I sometimes wonder if I do too. I've ruined many relationships because of being too emotional. I'm sorry about his passing, and they're having such a hard time right now. it's good that you tried to take responsibility and explain though, hopefully they'll come around. you did what you could. I hope things improve for you.

 

[OverTheRainbow]

I'm just doomed....

 

[Worwyn]

Hey there.
I'm not a therapist but I can parrot some solid advice another friend's therapist mentioned.
Thinking about friends at certain levels/circles. This friend might be a good fair weather friend, someone you can enjoy watching a movie or playing a game with but not someone who's willing or able to support you when you're feeling those bpd feelings (I know them all too well). I know that it sucks and I feel like any friend you've known a long time should want to support you, but setting expectations for yourself can help alleviate some disappointment.
I won't try and tell you what to do, but bpd can be managed. And even if you don't have them yet you can find people that become more inner circle that are willing to support you when you need and talk you down, so long as you're willing to do the same for them. Which doesn't make those other friends not worth having they're just different.

 

[rhonda]

So sorry for your loss xo I can echo the previous two replies, and also tell you that, tho a lot of us have no clinical diagnosis, we're experts at being emotional...smothering people and pushing them out of our lives. It's hard to stop. Knowing you should dial it back but too late you've said, done it, whatever. I can't tell you how to fix the relationship except to say that they may come around. Sometimes they need a break. We can be a lot for some, hard to take...know there are people here that get it...

 

[WornOutLife]

Sorry you're feeling like this. Sometimes, changing is even more difficult than ctb.
That's my daily struggle.