Why it doesn't help when people say "I'm here to talk"

[RealHumanBean]

I don't need to talk. I need to connect. I need to feel like a real person, not just some NPC who you clicked on to hear their dialogue option and then walk away. Maybe it's just the internet getting to me, but I swear it happens in person too. All interactions feel meaningless. I feel disposable. I'm sure I do it to people too. Why is it so hard to connect to people? Are we too emotionally dead?

 

[Ghost2211]

Talking is how you establish connection. "I'm here for you", "I'm here to talk", and other similar phrasings are intended to give you the opening to approach if you desire to do so. Deeper connection and understanding must start from the surface.

 

[Life_and_Death]

sometimes its difficult for others to understand what you are going through. i know when i talk to people i try my best to understand if i dont already

 

[RealHumanBean]

Talking is how you establish connection. "I'm here for you", "I'm here to talk", and other similar phrasings are intended to give you the opening to approach if you desire to do so. Deeper connection and understanding must start from the surface.

Maybe it's that others don't desire the connection? Do other people not desire connection? There's a topic at the top of the forum about how many people here feel lonely. Why are we unable to do anything about it? Shouldn't it help to put lonely people together to no longer be lonely? Or maybe it doesn't work that way.

 

[Ghost2211]

Maybe it's that others don't desire the connection? Do other people not desire connection? There's a topic at the top of the forum about how many people here feel lonely. Why are we unable to do anything about it? Shouldn't it help to put lonely people together to no longer be lonely? Or maybe it doesn't work that way.

Connecting can be hard when we are so sad, and loneliness happens even when we have a crowd of people in our lives. I know how this feels too. I keep trying though since isolating won't help the loneliness. Sucks we only bond with those we know will die.

 

[dysfunctional]

People offering to talk is a sincere gesture, but it might not necessarily help.

 

[woxihuanni]

It's because a lot of people say that with the intention to 'help' rather than have a friendship. Nobody can 'help' you if they make it clear that you have nothing to offer them in return, no advice, no laughter. I am lucky enough to have some people where it goes both ways. There was one filthy little sewer rat who wanted to 'help' a.k.a. patronise the fuck out of me, that I cut off. I hope that person dies literally drowning in own shit with dementia.

 

[Cherrypea]

It's because a lot of people say that with the intention to 'help' rather than have a friendship. Nobody can 'help' you if they make it clear that you have nothing to offer them in return, no advice, no laughter. I am lucky enough to have some people where it goes both ways. There was one filthy little sewer rat who wanted to 'help' a.k.a. patronise the fuck out of me, that I cut off. I hope that person dies literally drowning in own shit with dementia.

Yeah this is why I hate it, I don't want people to only want to talk to me when I'm hav a crisis, I want them to want to talk cos we are friends. I'm useless with friends unfortunately.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yeah this is why I hate it, I don't want people to only want to talk to me when I'm hav a crisis, I want them to want to talk cos we are friends. I'm useless with friends unfortunately.

Friends are extremely hard to come by, especially in brain-washed 'individualistic' cultures. Don't think it is you, it takes years to find a single friend.

 

[Meditation guide]

Maybe it's just hard to see other people as being safe and trustworthy.

 

[RealHumanBean]

Friends are extremely hard to come by, especially in brain-washed 'individualistic' cultures. Don't think it is you, it takes years to find a single friend.

What can we do to fix it? Even in our own little bubble here on SS. How can we help people find a way to connect to each other so we're not going through this isolated without any friends who understand what it's like.

 

[Meditation guide]

What can we do to fix it?

Be like a recently gone poster named falloutcarter13. I've never seen anyone connect to so many people so fast. He had a talent for instant connections with people. I don't know how he did it but wish I did.

 

[TAW122]

I can relate to your post and yes, I hate hearing that as well. Sure, there are a subset of people who have "good intentions" but ultimately, they don't really give a shit about my woes, they just want to project their values and pro-life sentiments onto me. I believe the majority of them are just like NPC's (non-playable characters) that spew off cliches and statements without even thinking it through or "actually" want to get to understand someone else. They just do it to feel good and to score brownie points with their peers (virtue signaling).

 

[woxihuanni]

What can we do to fix it? Even in our own little bubble here on SS. How can we help people find a way to connect to each other so we're not going through this isolated without any friends who understand what it's like.

Maybe accept our limits and contact only people we can have a mutual exchange in private (boards are good for general support). And make sure that we stick by. We cannot bond with everyone but we can have a no dump principle for those we can. I don't know, this is just one idea. Wish I knew all the ways.

 

[Bauhaus]

It prolly would help if you have some hobbies in common with someone. Or share a similar world/political/philosophical/etc... view.

 

[Hornyaboutdeath]

We can't connect or feel connection because society fucked our ability to feel empathy towards others.
Empathy is viewed as something weak, in this day and age. In primal times it was the difference between life and death.

This life is all about the big race.
It's shallow and extremely stupid.

 

[OmgDudeWhatNoWay]

When you mentioned NPCs, I could't help myself, but link this. Hope it cheers you or anyone else up.

 

[Toptock]

Or when they try to challenge your beliefs by having you break down all your reasoning for your decisions in front of them. I'm under no obligation to explain anything to you, nor am I required to even make sense. People who think "Not having a strong logical foundation" for their decision to end their life is pretentious and toxic.

 

[listeningpost1379]

I appreciate talking to people a lot but my problems are too tangible. I dont need more consolation or empathy or love I just want them solved but they cannot be solved.

 

[Meditation guide]

I don't need to talk. I need to connect.

I know what you mean but talking usually comes before you connect.

 

[Toptock]

I know what you mean but talking usually comes before you connect.

100% agreed, however, there can sometimes be a limiting factor in the listener either not caring enough to connect or something as simple as them not understanding. Something to us that can keep us in bed all day could be a tiny inconvenience to another, it's why connection is super important. If we don't feel that we even stand a chance with that connection, we won't take that risk. It's just inviting more complication.
But you are absolutely right, you can't connect unless you talk

 

[Meditation guide]

If we don't feel that we even stand a chance with that connection, we won't take that risk. It's just inviting more complication.

I never really connect. I've tried hard over the years. I do feel that I'm friendly but actual connection doesn't happen.