Venting Why isn’t ghosting illegal? Wtf people

[BlackHoleSun]

I can't believe the world is actually allowing this, like it's a normal and acceptable part of our society now. Of all the things that I have ever gone through in my vast dating career this takes the cake. Like it's crime to not wear a fucking seat belt but this is okay?

Image 1 - My last message I received before 4 months of being ignored after flying her out to meet my entire family

Image 2- the one I receive today, 11 months later after constant persistence for an answer

Like this is such mental abuse I dropped out of school. How do people live in this world? People are ghosting jobs now, just quitting without giving 2 weeks notice. It's just like what happened? Where did this come from? This wasn't a thing 15 years ago or even 5 years ago.

I remember in high school if you broke up with someone through a text or msn it was like "Wow, shame on you!". You were automatically in the wrong as no one deserves that. People wouldn't even date you after because they heard you were that cold. Now the major of conversations are through texting, and even breaking up with someone through a text has become too much work or too emotional. It used to be you'd go out somewhere, they would sit you down and say their feelings for you have changed, it would hurt but you knew right away and you could usually end up maintaining a friendship later. Now your a psycho path for caring and trying to get an answer instead of just walking away like they did. They block on you facebook, instagram, snapchat and your phone number.

I just can't believe it. It wasn't this savage before...

 

[DoNotLet2]

Oh, dude I agree with you totally!
And you also end up being blamed for caring. "Oh you're a fuckin attention whore". Yes I get called "attention whore" just for demanding replies. It's insane.
And people are wondering why there are so many suicides. I wonder how to live in a world when you can't make a stable relationship with someone. Relationships don't matter anymore.

EDIT: But making it illegal won't solve the problem. Few people would ever report it and even fewer police officers would care. We have to change to society. People must realize that's ghosting is bad and childish while asking for replies ISN'T CHILDISH. Asking for replies is CARING about the other person.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

Oh, dude I agree with you totally!
And you also end up being blamed for caring. "Oh you're a fuckin attention whore". Yes I get called "attention whore" just for demanding replies. It's insane.
And people are wondering why there are so many suicides. I wonder how to live in a world when you can't make a stable relationship with someone. Relationships don't matter anymore.

My favorite is when they say "I don't live on my phone" and they are literally a wanna be instagram model, who is on their phone 24/7 and every single time you are with them. You call them out on their lie and they block you on everything and you don't hear from them for 3 months and then they act like it wasn't a big deal. "I really want to be friends". Now the definition of what a friend is, sure is changing... like friends hang out and talk I thought.

Especially when they say they care so much about you...if you don't care, don't say it, I get not everyone is attracted to everyone, but this whole stringing on as many people as they can so they have options. It's insane to me. Like people want to live without consequences for their actions. Like I kill myself and it's gonna be, "well he was gonna do it anyway, not my problem". Like man...

 

[Crushed_Innocence]

Its what brought me to Thursday night. The world is full of evil, cruel, cold, fucked-up people. I'm done with them all, and even if it is true that hurting peple hurt people, it not until they get a taste of thier own medicne that they consider changing thier ways. Pray for karma.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

Its what brought me to Thursday night. The world is full of evil, cruel, cold, fucked-up people. I'm done with them all, and even if it is true that hurting peple hurt people, it not until they get a taste of thier own medicne that they consider changing thier ways. Pray for karma.

I know that's why your post touched me so deeply it's why I'm sharing my story for you! I don't know if I believe in karma, they will probably end up happily married with beautiful children and the white picket fence. That seems to be the way of the world these days...

 

[DoNotLet2]

Thankfully we don't have to be a part of this worlds but we can want to.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

EDIT: But making it illegal won't solve the problem. Few people would ever report it and even fewer police officers would care. We have to change to society. People must realize that's ghosting is bad and childish while asking for replies ISN'T CHILDISH. Asking for replies is CARING about the other person.

You are 100% correct, we shouldn't even have to make laws like this. Maybe if there was a law at least people would be scared of being charged. Idk maybe there just isn't enough love to go around.Maybe technology is to blame, it makes it too easy to shut out people. Click of a button.

 

[autumnal]

I can't believe the world is actually allowing this, like it's a normal and acceptable part of our society now. Of all the things that I have ever gone through in my vast dating career this takes the cake. Like it's crime to not wear a fucking seat belt but this is okay?

Image 1 - My last message I received before 4 months of being ignored after flying her out to meet my entire family

Image 2- the one I receive today, 11 months later after constant persistence for an answer

Like this is such mental abuse I dropped out of school. How do people live in this world? People are ghosting jobs now, just quitting without giving 2 weeks notice. It's just like what happened? Where did this come from? This wasn't a thing 15 years ago or even 5 years ago.

I remember in high school if you broke up with someone through a text or msn it was like "Wow, shame on you!". You were automatically in the wrong as no one deserves that. People wouldn't even date you after because they heard you were that cold. Now the major of conversations are through texting, and even breaking up with someone through a text has become too much work or too emotional. It used to be you'd go out somewhere, they would sit you down and say their feelings for you have changed, it would hurt but you knew right away and you could usually end up maintaining a friendship later. Now your a psycho path for caring and trying to get an answer instead of just walking away like they did. They block on you facebook, instagram, snapchat and your phone number.

I just can't believe it. It wasn't this savage before...

Ghosting under normal circumstances is pretty cowardly and reprehensible behaviour. But I'll be honest, from your end of the conversation in Image 1, your feelings do come across as incredibly intense. That's all well and good if then other person feels the same way, but if they don't, they may be frightened off by your intensity, assume you would outright refuse any suggestion of a breakup (or even react with violence or suicide), and so feel like cutting off all contact is the only way for them to safely detach from you. Not saying this is necessarily the case here, especially from such a small amount of evidence to work with, but it did set off some instant alarm bells for me.

EDIT: Had incorrectly mistaken OP's girlfriend's comments as being from OP. Comments above now irrelevant in light of this correction.

 

[terry_a_davis]

Some people can't express themselves properly on things like this, or feel bad about it so avoid it, or are mixed up, or just don't really care.

11 months later after constant persistence for an answer

Idk the whole story but you should have given up long ago, this is bordering on harassment. The love of my life left me after 3 years of living with her and more or less refused any further contact from the day she moved out, did not want to be friends and was with someone else immediately. Rejection hurts.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

Ghosting under normal circumstances is pretty cowardly and reprehensible behaviour. But I'll be honest, from your end of the conversation in Image 1, your feelings do come across as incredibly intense. That's all well and good if then other person feels the same way, but if they don't, they may be frightened off by your intensity, assume you would outright refuse any suggestion of a breakup (or even react with violence or suicide), and so feel like cutting off all contact is the only way for them to safely detach from you. Not saying this is necessarily the case here, especially from such a small amount of evidence to work with, but it did set off some instant alarm bells for me.

Those are her feelings mate. I'm the one in the blue saying 'wat'. Otherwise I would agree with your conclusion. Do you understand why I'm hurt? These incredibly intense feelings followed by NOTHING! I was SO happy when I received that message, it's why I even have it saved. I was like this is awesome! This never happens to me!

Some people can't express themselves properly on things like this, or feel bad about it so avoid it, or are mixed up, or just don't really care.
11 months later after constant persistence for an answer
Idk the whole story but you should have given up long ago, this is bordering on harassment. The love of my life left me after 3 years of living with her and more or less refused any further contact from the day she moved out, did not want to be friends and was with someone else immediately. Rejection hurts.

Maybe you shouldn't be dating if you havn't reached that emotional maturity. How is that harassment? She wanted to be friends, we would talk and anytime I would try to find out what happened or what her feelings were, she would ghost me for another 3 months and then start talking to me again. And the cycle would repeat. That why it took 11 months, I took three tries for her to admit she was in love with someone else the whole damn time.

Sorry to hear that, that happened to me as well, we lived together 4 years and then she told me "were on separate paths"... ironically were both at the same spot now and on the same anti depressants too lol

 

[WhatIsMyLife]

Ugh... That second message hits too close to home... I'm sorry that happened to you. It's an awful feeling, and despite what some people say, it's not just "get over it." Some wounds are impossible to heal.

 

[autumnal]

Those are her feelings mate. I'm the one in the blue saying 'wat'. Otherwise I would agree with your conclusion. Do you understand why I'm hurt? These incredibly intense feelings followed by NOTHING! I was SO happy when I received that message, it's why I even have it saved.
[...]

Oh, my complete apologies. Have edited my previous post in light of this.

Yes, in that case her behaviour does seem bizarre and unfair, to go from that kind of intense sentiment to completely ignoring you without even any attempt at an explanation.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

Oh, my complete apologies. Have edited my previous post in light of this.

Yes, in that case her behaviour does seem bizarre and unfair, to go from that kind of intense sentiment to completely ignoring you without even any attempt at an explanation.

Thank you for the correction and being so understanding. Maybe if it happened to me before I could have handled it better, but from being the luckiest guy in the world to nothing with no explanation... you don't know what happened. You just want to know, I don't know how that is harassment, I think to deny someone closure on purpose is harassment.

 

[Pryras]

Personally I can't NOT give a reply to someone when they ask me something or I feel that I'm obligated to respond to. Leaving someone on read gives me anxiety and I won't do it unless that person has caused me harm in some way and in that case deserves the silence.

Some people don't care and others might lack proper communication skills. This happened to me for the first time with a woman acquaintance and I was confused. I'm not a mind reader, if I did something TELL ME.

 

[BeeLoyal]

oh man... you know, I kind of wish I'd never ever fall in love again, but do I know what the future brings? No. The 2 people I trusted the most fucked (well literally) me over, I never would have thought this could happen, especially at my young age. Yikes! Love is horrible.

 

[terry_a_davis]

@BlackHoleSun like i said idk the in's and out's, but "11 months later after constant persistence for an answer " does not sound good. May be I'm wrong. I hope you meet/find someone else soon.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

Pryras
It gives me anxiety on both sides...not responding and waiting for a response, that why ghosting really affects me, like you start losing sleep, every time your phone beeps your expecting the resolve

@BlackHoleSun like i said idk the in's and out's, but "11 months later after constant persistence for an answer " does not sound good. May be I'm wrong. I hope you meet/find someone else soon.

fair, I work for her parents so, we have our forced reunions which would re-spark the relationship followed by more ghosting and confusion. It's not like I was stalking her looking for an answer. She actually would seek me out in all the cases because I was trying to get over her, and I knew if I saw her, I would buckle and let her back into my life. Like you said, you should have given up a long time ago, and I was done after the first ghosting, but her parents also said she was scared and it was only because she liked me, i told them she probaly had someone else

and thank you thats really sweet of you :) i don't think im gonna try, i waited 3 year for my chance with this girl, Im 30 now and ive had 8 serious relationships in my life. Ive worked really hard on myself, I did a few years with a couple therapists too with a few different doctors, I get the "your amazing friend and person" every-time though, "your gonna make someone really happy"... just not me

 

[Oyoy]

People have lost control in this world.. It seem like ghosting is a way to feel in control. By giving our heart away
To someone who could do this shows a bigger problem. In this case being an ig model screams that her ego is all that she is acting on.
Also this world is alot less violent because society is layzier and we have less privacy so maybe this is where the energy goes.

 

[BlackHoleSun]

People have lost control in this world.. It seem like ghosting is a way to feel in control. By giving our heart away
To someone who could do this shows a bigger problem. In this case being an ig model screams that her ego is all that she is acting on.
Also this world is alot less violent because society is layzier and we have less privacy so maybe this is where the energy goes.

I think that's a great theory. Eventually you have to give your heart away and take a chance on love. I know the psychology of ig models, but no one's perfect... she's got things wrong with her and I accepted those flaws as part of the package. It's very difficult to find a young women today who doesn't have these sorts of insecurities in one form or another.

 

[Gaius_Baltar]

to say this didn't used to happen is ridiculous ..

24 years ago, my wife had an affair (justifiably on reflection)... moved in with the guy and took my daughter and dog with her... oh .. then after some legal wranglings, I got kicked out of our home and they moved into it ..... dog and daughter to boot

the only communications i had was through the lawyers....... social media stalking had not been invented yet (thank the lawwd since i am sure i would have made a buffoon of myself)... nor had the internet ... not as such

given that even in those days, the divorce rate was around 40% in the UK...i was far from alone and plenty of fathers were in the very same boat fighting family laws that were heavily weighted against them

anyway.... i digress.... nasty heartbreaking break ups happen...they have always happened and always will .....

now assuming the question in the original title is serious.... of course ghosting should not be a crime...neither should adultery ... you can't force people to love you and the more you try, the less they will

 

[GoBack]

"It wasn't this savage before"

Of course it was. Just in different ways

 

[Gaius_Baltar]

I don't think you understand how a society actually works.

lol ... you certainly have that right

i still have not joined facebook

had a look back when it launched and thought 'who the fukk would want to be part of this... ... it will never take off'

 

[GoBack]

lol ... you certainly have that right

i still have not joined facebook

had a look back when it launched and thought 'who the fukk would want to be part of this... ... it will never take off'

You're not missing anything. I wish I'd never laid eyes on it

 

[BlackHoleSun]

lol ... you certainly have that right

I don't mean it like that. Not trying to put you down. You got further than I did my friend.
Why did I join facebook? A girl I was in love with from another school was on there. I joined to talk to her. Case and point lol I hope you read my essay to understand it wasn't personal.

 

[magick'sgone]

We have to impose personal laws upon ourselves to ensure certain bad experiences don't keep happening to us. It's unreasonable and oppressive to attempt to legally restrict another person in such a way. Socialising would become even more of a minefield than it is already.

Imagine if you had a criminal record of all the cuntish things you'd ever done in your life and were constantly judged by them. I'd have racked up a few counts of ghosting and a drunken kiss cheat before I was even out of my idiotic teenage years. So would that mean if I entered a relationship with a woman who had no previous convictions, she could check my rap sheet and be justifiably suspicious of me? It sounds like a slippery slope. Dating and friendships could risk becoming a complex game of stealth and loophole exploitation.

It's far easier to police yourself. Don't like ghosting? Don't do it to others and don't waste your time with people who do it to you. Same applies to cheating, shit talking, bullying, gas lighting, etc etc. ‎

 

[Deleted member 10475]

I'm really sorry, people are so shitty. I get exactly how you feel (this happens to me a lot) and it just sucks.

Yes, you definitely can't force people to have feelings for you, but they can at least try not to lead you on.

 

[magick'sgone]

Sorry to hear about what happened to you, Gaius. That fucking sucks. I respect you being able to say that your wife's affair was justifiable on reflection. It took me about 10 years to recognise and accept that I was largely responsible when something similar happened to me. All that time lugging hatred around, thinking I had been wronged, because I wasnt the one who cheated. Then one day I woke up and could suddenly see all the warning signs and shit I had done wrong in the relationship. I could see all the chances she had given me to change. I could even see how she tried to end it before it got to that stage, but I kept pulling her back in with bullshit and empty promises. Now it feels like I pretty much forced her to cheat on me. Did you have a similar moment of clarity?

 

[deadpixels]

Can someone explain me exactly what ghosting is? Is it the act of closing all means of being contacted all of a sudden?

 

[BizarreBazaar]

LMGTFY - Let Me Google That For You

For all those people who find it more convenient to bother you with their question rather than to Google it for themselves.

lmgtfy.com