How come there's no way out of this suffering? I tried to get help, but was refused every single time. I tried to find a way out in a pro-life manner, but they won't let me get help. I ran away and was brought to a clinic by the police in a different city, but they only allowed me to stay for a night so I wouldn't sleep on the streets and then they kicked me out the next morning. I went to another one closer to home and was refused assistance. Because my situation isn't severe enough. I'm pretty sure they're not even legally allowed to refuse me here. I'm pretty sure they are legally required to take me in and help me if I say I need help. They say they can't let me in because I'm too young. Because it might scar me for life. That wouldn't even matter at this point. One or two scars more won't change shit. Everything around me reminds me of trauma. Every single aspect of my mind and my life is broken and just wrong. It can't get any worse.
And the only other option out of this hell is by killing myself. But that's hard too. Takes so much thinking, planning, preparation and then courage to actually go through with it - and even then, who knows if it will actually work? And my brain is mush. I can't think properly about anything. How am I supposed to plan and pull this off if I don't even have the brain capacity to fucking speak?
If I wasn't sick before, I am now, after trying to get help. After flailing my arms around and screaming for help and everyone just turning a blind eye. And at this point, I've accepted that even if I were to get help, it wouldn't change anything. I'm too broken to ever be fixed. To ever live a proper life. To ever be a functional human being again. By existing, I'm only stealing resources from people who actually need them. And who will actually use them. So the only true option is suicide. I'd be doing the world a favor. If only I could finally figure out how to do the world that favor. But my brain isn't even good enough for that.
And the only other option out of this hell is by killing myself. But that's hard too. Takes so much thinking, planning, preparation and then courage to actually go through with it - and even then, who knows if it will actually work? And my brain is mush. I can't think properly about anything. How am I supposed to plan and pull this off if I don't even have the brain capacity to fucking speak?
If I wasn't sick before, I am now, after trying to get help. After flailing my arms around and screaming for help and everyone just turning a blind eye. And at this point, I've accepted that even if I were to get help, it wouldn't change anything. I'm too broken to ever be fixed. To ever live a proper life. To ever be a functional human being again. By existing, I'm only stealing resources from people who actually need them. And who will actually use them. So the only true option is suicide. I'd be doing the world a favor. If only I could finally figure out how to do the world that favor. But my brain isn't even good enough for that.
