Venting Why is pain sooo inconvenient to others?

[Red]

It's actually just seen as a "pain" to other people, those who are not actually suffering with the condition, can you believe that?? Having to feel guilty for how damn troublesome it is for them when it's you that has to endure it all day every day, with no real escape as it crowds everything else out of your mind, wears on your patience and sleep and quality of life...

These people in question kicking off at me like it's solely an inconvenience to them! It's happening to me...



The doctors when they sigh when I start talking, describing yet another iteration of whatever this hellish disease is that stabs and jabs me morning noon and night; the huffing, impatient idiot behind me as I struggle to keep a decent pace on the way to the local shop; my actual "friends and family" over these last few years as I've had to flake out or am visibly either messed up with pain or falling asleep due to the painkillers and fatigue when they're sat talking to me... genuinely apologising for my inability to do what they want from me but at the same time thinking, "Oh I'm sorry, is my suffering inconvenient to you??!"

Had an ordeal that stretched over yesterday and today trying to book an emergency dentist appointment due to a new contender for "most horrific pain" slowly but gradually taking the lead in the crap race inside my body; a broken wisdom tooth and visceral, relentless facial pain.

Long story short (thankfully in tomorrow at different, more understanding dentist) but for A FULL 24 HOURS, I was practically at war with my regular dentist's receptionist, waiting for triage, nonexistent callbacks, for them to sort paperwork, which was all my fault apparently as the woman was very terse. Just to be offered an appointment on Monday so hardened to the suffering of other's that it's genuinely frightening...

It's scary enough when you encounter ignorance like that, that blatant not giving a crap, despite another suffering so badly right in front of them. But to ignore it to the point where your suffering is merely an inconvenience to them, an outsider to the actual trauma... it just seems cold, heinous even!

There are people who sneer at me because I walk with a crutch, huff n swear behind me if I fail to notice them and move aside to let them pass. I see drivers do the same, in their ton-weighted kill boxes on wheels, revving their engines and beeping at poor learner drives or cyclists. Bunch of knobs, hating the weakened for being that way, always forgetting that many sudden turns of life could potentially render any one of them incapable of living life so independently...

The inconvenience caused to me by my "disability" is tenfold that of the dude swearing under his breath behind me, or of the doctor rolling his eyes when I try to show him my symptom diary, or of the person I had only given a provisional (on ability to function!) "yes?" to meeting up for coffee. It's all so completely inconvenient... for them... I hate it and am baffled by it n these people just make it so much worse, like it didn't already feel godawful!

Does anyone else get this attitude all the time, like your problems are somehow made out to be more of a problem to other people than yourself?? It's crazy making!! How do people get away with it?!

---

 

[TimeLawyer]

Yep I get that quite a bit from people. I get looked at like I just robbed a flippin bank when I'm just walking down the street. They have thus attitude like, "Don't ever hurt anyone ever, including accidentally." but then they judge and hate anyone that doesnt fit their narrowly defined standards of functioning or productivity. I am very careful what I ask people for and generally try to say as little as possible but I still get dirty looks and comments. I'm either too much or not enough when trying to live up to their conflicting standards. Like just let me live and not have to make my life and myself look all pretty just for strangers that aren't even supposed to be giving a shit about some random lady.

 

[_Kaira_]

It hilarious. Being told to just go talk to friends and family is frustrating beyond words. What if my family are dangerous people? What if I actually have no friends? What if the only people I'm around openly express they're tired of hearing my pain and negativity. I can only fake being 'happy' for so long before falling back down into a pit of despair. No one wants to hear it anymore. The 'professionals' don't want to hear your pain and misery in it's full, because they only want to hear how you can turn it into positivity. Anything remotely depressing and you're sh*t on for it.

It absolutely p*sses me off when someone I used to go to tells me "Look I know how you're feeling, I'm depressed as well but I'm tired of hearing it."
I just don't know who to go to anymore...I'm tired of feeling so alone....

Not strong enough to handle this crap anymore.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Oh this is a new recent for me. My wife called me out saying how there is something wrong with me. When I told her yes there is that I would talk to her later about it. She said everyone is going thru something. How the fuck am I suppose to respond to that or tell her what shit my ptsd has uncovered

 

[Quiet Desperation]

It's actually just seen as a "pain" to other people, those who are not actually suffering with the condition, can you believe that?? Having to feel guilty for how damn troublesome it is for them when it's you that has to endure it all day every day, with no real escape as it crowds everything else out of your mind, wears on your patience and sleep and quality of life...

These people in question kicking off at me like it's solely an inconvenience to them! It's happening to me...

View attachment 54608

The doctors when they sigh when I start talking, describing yet another iteration of whatever this hellish disease is that stabs and jabs me morning noon and night; the huffing, impatient idiot behind me as I struggle to keep a decent pace on the way to the local shop; my actual "friends and family" over these last few years as I've had to flake out or am visibly either messed up with pain or falling asleep due to the painkillers and fatigue when they're sat talking to me... genuinely apologising for my inability to do what they want from me but at the same time thinking, "Oh I'm sorry, is my suffering inconvenient to you??!"

Had an ordeal that stretched over yesterday and today trying to book an emergency dentist appointment due to a new contender for "most horrific pain" slowly but gradually taking the lead in the crap race inside my body; a broken wisdom tooth and visceral, relentless facial pain.

Long story short (thankfully in tomorrow at different, more understanding dentist) but for A FULL 24 HOURS, I was practically at war with my regular dentist's receptionist, waiting for triage, nonexistent callbacks, for them to sort paperwork, which was all my fault apparently as the woman was very terse. Just to be offered an appointment on Monday so hardened to the suffering of other's that it's genuinely frightening...

It's scary enough when you encounter ignorance like that, that blatant not giving a crap, despite another suffering so badly right in front of them. But to ignore it to the point where your suffering is merely an inconvenience to them, an outsider to the actual trauma... it just seems cold, heinous even!

There are people who sneer at me because I walk with a crutch, huff n swear behind me if I fail to notice them and move aside to let them pass. I see drivers do the same, in their ton-weighted kill boxes on wheels, revving their engines and beeping at poor learner drives or cyclists. Bunch of knobs, hating the weakened for being that way, always forgetting that many sudden turns of life could potentially render any one of them incapable of living life so independently...

The inconvenience caused to me by my "disability" is tenfold that of the dude swearing under his breath behind me, or of the doctor rolling his eyes when I try to show him my symptom diary, or of the person I had only given a provisional (on ability to function!) "yes?" to meeting up for coffee. It's all so completely inconvenient... for them... I hate it and am baffled by it n these people just make it so much worse, like it didn't already feel godawful!

Does anyone else get this attitude all the time, like your problems are somehow made out to be more of a problem to other people than yourself?? It's crazy making!! How do people get away with it?!

---

Unfortunately what it boils down to for me is that most people are selfish, and have difficulty viewing such interactions through any other lens than "how does this inconvenience me personally?"

 

[MindFrog]

It IS inconvenient for them, mainly because they dont really care about our pain. They want us to gag our mouths and suffer in silence.
"It's not happening to me, so why do I care?"
The people around me thinks I'm just being overdramatic. Even the existence of MY pain is being questioned. How the hell do you deal with people like that?!
This is why I'm slowly losing my love for people. It doesnt matter anymore anyway.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

It IS inconvenient for them, mainly because they dont really care about our pain. They want us to gag our mouths and suffer in silence.
"It's not happening to me, so why do I care?"
The people around me thinks I'm just being overdramatic. Even the existence of MY pain is being questioned. How the hell do you deal with people like that?!
This is why I'm slowly losing my love for people. It doesnt matter anymore anyway.

All I can offer is that you're among people who get it. We understand your suffering and you can talk to us, for whatever that's worth. I'm sorry that you're being treated this way.

 

[ak738]

It hilarious. Being told to just go talk to friends and family is frustrating beyond words. What if my family are dangerous people? What if I actually have no friends? What if the only people I'm around openly express they're tired of hearing my pain and negativity. I can only fake being 'happy' for so long before falling back down into a pit of despair. No one wants to hear it anymore. The 'professionals' don't want to hear your pain and misery in it's full, because they only want to hear how you can turn it into positivity. Anything remotely depressing and you're sh*t on for it.

It absolutely p*sses me off when someone I used to go to tells me "Look I know how you're feeling, I'm depressed as well but I'm tired of hearing it."
I just don't know who to go to anymore...I'm tired of feeling so alone....

Not strong enough to handle this crap anymore.

I'm in the exact same place as you are.

 

[sufferingalways]

Unfortunately what it boils down to for me is that most people are selfish, and have difficulty viewing such interactions through any other lens than "how does this inconvenience me personally?"

I'm with you there. I have been asked to have a meeting with someone, in my home, but they have never been anything but cold, indiffent and discriminatory so .. I'm wondering how the next reply letter back will go, if this one repeats "I wish to meet with you.." because you can't say "fuck off you cold prejudiced asshole" in a letter. Hmm.
I have tact and diplomacy, I just don't remember where I put them.

All I can offer is that you're among people who get it. We understand your suffering and you can talk to us, for whatever that's worth. I'm sorry that you're being treated this way.

Same here. Bloody council landlord and GP doctor. Its all about the dollars, screw the suffering person.
That's how it feels to me as well. Sorry that you were also treated so badly. We all matter and our pain needs compassion not asshole "paycheque first" attitudes. (Wow. where did this anger come from? Must have been suppressed in my chest)

 

[Quiet Desperation]

I'm with you there. I have been asked to have a meeting with someone, in my home, but they have never been anything but cold i diffent and discriminatory so .. I'm wondering how the next reply letter back will go, if this one repeats "I wish to meet with you.." because you can't say "fuck off you cold prejudiced asshole" in a letter. Hmm.
I have tact and diplomacy, I just don't remember where I put them.

What I've come to learn about myself is that I have to let it out somewhere. All that being tactful and polite and professional... if you keep doing that without having some outlet for your frustration, eventually it can become a nuclear bomb when it finally comes out. It's totally okay to be frustrated when you are treated like that. Your tact only has to last until the door closes :)

 

[Aap]

Living with chronic pain is exhausting, as dealing with someone who has chronic pain can be. The roots of others viewing those in pain as "inconvenient" or "annoying" are multiple.

First, there is a sense of powerlessness that comes from having someone you care about suffer. No one wants to see a friend or loved one in pain, and having that person suffering invokes a negative sense of helplessness in those around.

second, it can become frustrating for those loved ones. The person in pain often "looks" completely fine and may have periods of far less pain. You have someone who looks fine but can't do (fill in the blank). Relationships of any kind have a give and take, and it becomes frustrating when one Half of the relationship can't do something for the other because of pain.

third, it just gets tiring hearing people complain, especially when they complain about something that can't or won't change. No one, even saints, want to hear someone constantly complaining about someone being in pain.

this isn't an exhaustive list, but it certainly encapsulates many of the main reasons people get tired of people in pain.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

People are selfish and cruel. They should try living a day in your shoes and seeing if they could handle it. I'm sure most of them would change their attitude if they had to actually experience the lives of the people they like to sneer at.

I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. I had to swallow a similar pill when I developed chronic fatigue. I quickly realized there was no real help out there for someone with my condition, that I will be mocked for having a cane to walk with due to my age, that I will be given no leeway in employment or school because I am expected to be a good little worker drone in spite of multiple disabilities, and that all my pain and suffering is nothing more than an inconvenience to someone else who will be reaping the blessings everyday of being able bodied and healthy.

It's such blatant inequality and injustice that society pretends to care about the weak, the injured, the ill and suffering, then discards those platitudes as soon as we can no longer be economically productive or cause someone to be mildly inconvenienced by having to be considerate for 2 seconds of their lives!

 

[MindFrog]

All I can offer is that you're among people who get it. We understand your suffering and you can talk to us, for whatever that's worth. I'm sorry that you're being treated this way.

Yes, being here has been comforting for me. Reaching out for me has been hard , but talking here makes me feel free, so to speak. It's funny how mentally sick people offer better care than some professionals.

 

[Quiet Desperation]

Yes, being here has been comforting for me. Reaching out for me has been hard , but talking here makes me feel free, so to speak. It's funny how mentally sick people offer better care than some professionals.

Glad you reached out and that you've found it helpful. I'm new here, but hoping for the same.

As to patients vs. professionals, that has been my experience too, I think because many of the professionals have not actually experienced the magnitude of suffering that our peers have. It's hard not to have empathy once you've dealt with it yourself.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

Preach! All of you are preaching on this good *checks date* Wednesday going on Thursday night!

But no fr. I feel everybody in here. And it's something, even after telling people, "hey, I know it's hard for you but by isolating me you're actually putting me further in the abyss, so could you just try to be there for me". And usually the results are, "I'm always here for you.... Sometimes". It's frustrating and heartbreaking. I just want to be heard. I want someone to help me. I want people to care. I want people to do everything they (actually...) can do. It's so exhausting for me to be hyper aware of the burden that I am to others while also trying to find help.its counter productive and I'm tired of it. And because my pain was me just being "lazy", "irresponsible", "frustrating", and cause to call the damn police and try to kick me out... Multiple times, it's now an echo in my head that I can't unhear. Always there reminding me that I'm a failure and it's my fault. They don't even have to do the work anymore.

Sorry for the rant. This just hit home. And I'm very sorry that all of you have been effected by this ableist, selfish, ignorant, unaware world. Your pain should be valid enough, in a world where pain doesn't matter unless theirs a currency sign in front of it.

 

[Red]

Living with chronic pain is exhausting, as dealing with someone who has chronic pain can be. The roots of others viewing those in pain as "inconvenient" or "annoying" are multiple.

First, there is a sense of powerlessness that comes from having someone you care about suffer. No one wants to see a friend or loved one in pain, and having that person suffering invokes a negative sense of helplessness in those around.

second, it can become frustrating for those loved ones. The person in pain often "looks" completely fine and may have periods of far less pain. You have someone who looks fine but can't do (fill in the blank). Relationships of any kind have a give and take, and it becomes frustrating when one Half of the relationship can't do something for the other because of pain.

third, it just gets tiring hearing people complain, especially when they complain about something that can't or won't change. No one, even saints, want to hear someone constantly complaining about someone being in pain.

this isn't an exhaustive list, but it certainly encapsulates many of the main reasons people get tired of people in pain.

I appreciate your playing Devil's Advocate here but that just made me angry lol not majorly you understand but it seemed a little terse, almost as if you say, "if you weren't such a whiny bitch..."

I'm well aware of the things on this list and fight very hard to combat them; despite being wrecked I hold my own and use most of my "good" time to repay any perceived "debt" back to those around me who have bothered to try to help and understand. I'm still the primary cook of the house and wash most of our clothes; I'm always the one they come to to rant about their day or get sympathy for their own aches and pains. I'm still giving back, I'm not constantly whining all the time.

It might seem like it here because my posts are usually vents but this is where I can do I don't do it irl

 

[Aap]

You grossly misinterpreted my post. I live every day with moderate to severe pain. I'm not playing devils advocate or downplaying OP's suffering. I'm merely stating reality. No one wants to hear people constantly (or even often/frequently) complain, and it becomes an emotional vacuum for both the person in pain and those around them.

it's not good or bad, it just is