Why is my Mum treating me like this?

[EGR92]

I have been having flashbacks from physical and verbal abuse i endured as a child from my Dad. As well as traumatic experiences i went through hearing my parents arguments. My dad also beat me up at the age of 13, my mum did nothing, her Excuse is 'she wasn't there'.
At 27 during a ongoing depressive episode i spoke out to my Mum about my trauma and abuse. She didn't really say much, then left my bedroom and never returned. I was left alone after having to speak about such traumatic experiences. However she continued to go in and out of my dads bedroom talking to him.
The following morning it continued, she just wouldn't talk to me. I confronted her to be told "i was trying to control the family". I left the house and made my way to a train station with full intent of jumping infront of a train. My mum didn't text me or report me missing for over an hour. Long story short police found me and i was detained. My mum then refused to have me home so i had to go through the whole process of being assessed by mental health professionals. it was all very draining and traumatic - none of it would of had to been done if she had just allowed me to come home.
I was soon sent home. The next morning again she didn't go near me, after all I'd been through. She didn't talk to me until i confronted her.
Even though i had told her about my abuse she acted no different towards ny Dad. I had seen her show more of a reaction and more anger towards him for coming home late. My mother is a very reactive woman, she can go days without talking to someone, bang doors, cause hell. But there was nothing.

I'm so confused, she can see how unwell i am (mentally) and the pain i am in from remembering this traumatic treatment as a child but she stands by my abuser and acts as if nothing has happened? she claims to of spoken to him and been 'angry' but she continues to act totally normal with him, talking, sitting at the dinner table with him etc etc.

Me and my Mum have always been best friends, we've done everything together, shes always been my rock and main support until now. I don't know what I've done so wrong. I'm used to being hurt let down and fucked over by people before, but never my own mum and it hurts so much. I think maybe she wants me to CTB

 

[ParasiteEOT]

I'm so sorry you have not been supported by your mum, that must be very painful to feel so rejected. Are you in contact with any form of mental health service?

 

[EGR92]

I'm so sorry you have not been supported by your mum, that must be very painful to feel so rejected. Are you in contact with any form of mental health service?

Its heartbreaking. Yes im under a mental health team but they're completely useless. they left me with no support for over 2 weeks after i tried to jump infront of a train

 

[ParasiteEOT]

That pisses me off when people are clearly in distress and they do not show any decent concrete support! Can I ask where you're based? just thinking about what other options maybe out there that might actually hear you and support you.

 

[EGR92]

That pisses me off when people are clearly in distress and they do not show any decent concrete support! Can I ask where you're based? just thinking about what other options maybe out there that might actually hear you and support you.

Thankyou but i have tried every option, every medication, every therapy. Nothing has helped I'm ready to ctb

 

[Joey]

I have been having flashbacks from physical and verbal abuse i endured as a child from my Dad. As well as traumatic experiences i went through hearing my parents arguments. My dad also beat me up at the age of 13, my mum did nothing, her Excuse is 'she wasn't there'.
At 27 during a ongoing depressive episode i spoke out to my Mum about my trauma and abuse. She didn't really say much, then left my bedroom and never returned. I was left alone after having to speak about such traumatic experiences. However she continued to go in and out of my dads bedroom talking to him.
The following morning it continued, she just wouldn't talk to me. I confronted her to be told "i was trying to control the family". I left the house and made my way to a train station with full intent of jumping infront of a train. My mum didn't text me or report me missing for over an hour. Long story short police found me and i was detained. My mum then refused to have me home so i had to go through the whole process of being assessed by mental health professionals. it was all very draining and traumatic - none of it would of had to been done if she had just allowed me to come home.
I was soon sent home. The next morning again she didn't go near me, after all I'd been through. She didn't talk to me until i confronted her.
Even though i had told her about my abuse she acted no different towards ny Dad. I had seen her show more of a reaction and more anger towards him for coming home late. My mother is a very reactive woman, she can go days without talking to someone, bang doors, cause hell. But there was nothing.

I'm so confused, she can see how unwell i am (mentally) and the pain i am in from remembering this traumatic treatment as a child but she stands by my abuser and acts as if nothing has happened? she claims to of spoken to him and been 'angry' but she continues to act totally normal with him, talking, sitting at the dinner table with him etc etc.

Me and my Mum have always been best friends, we've done everything together, shes always been my rock and main support until now. I don't know what I've done so wrong. I'm used to being hurt let down and fucked over by people before, but never my own mum and it hurts so much. I think maybe she wants me to CTB

I feel you on all of this. My Dad has anger issues and he would beat the hell out of me by doing something stupid, even after I told him to stop. He didn't even care if I go out and kill myself.

The bad part to was he never even apologized and I'm never going to forget. Yeah he might think it swept past under the rug. I forgive but don't forget.

I wish you the best of luck with everything.

 

[ParasiteEOT]

Thankyou but i have tried every option, every medication, every therapy. Nothing has helped I'm ready to ctb

Ok, understand. Stay connected here is it helps.

 

[EGR92]

Ok, understand. Stay connected here is it helps.

Thankyou x

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Why is your mum treating you like this?

Her role in the the family is your father's enabler, not your mother.

He has the power to define reality and to wield his power wherever he sees fit.

To get whatever benefits he provides, she gives up power. She is allowed to keep what he allows her to keep.

He is her primary relationship. She is your primary relationship. She will do what she needs to maintain her primary relationship. She will even cede her responsibilities and ethics to him if he so demands.

You threaten his primacy. He will never cede it nor share it in a spirit of equality or mutual respect.

Eventually, depending on how much power he has, he eill shun you and demand all others do as well. When that happens, your mother will give up even more control to him to define the family, to define you, and to guide her actions and beliefs.

The enabler seems like an ally, especially it they've been abused, too, but they are always an agent of the abuser first. She was being abused by him long before you were and did not demand he stop it nor get away from it. Until she recognizes and respects herself, she can't recognize or step up for you.

Because she seems like an ally and protector, you've tried to hand to her power to validate your experience, and to right wrongs. When you recognize and respect yourself, you can use your power for yourself to acknowledge what happened without needing anyone else to validate it or to make your father's actiins and motivatios wrong. It is a matter of standing alone and strong in spite of all the lies and misdirection.

It fucking sucks. It's hard. But eith distance from all the crap -- and I think flashbacks can come up because there is enough distance and enough awareness of all this utter shit being shit -- you're going to have personal power and groundedness you didn't even know. You already have it and are experiencing it and engaging with it, hence the flashbacks, hence the beginning to claim the truth. Your strength and power will continue to grow.

That's my perspective anyway.

 

[Elbarado]

So sad to hear this story i can just imagine not understand how you feel.

I dont have a proper answer why she is acting like this and i dont want to excuse her behaviour, but maybe she just dont know how to react , because it hurts her aswell or she is a shamed cause of the past. Maybe she didnt want to say sth, cause your dad was near?

I would give it a try and talk to her again, when you dad is not at home or take her to a parc or somewhere outside to talk with her again