Why is life so bad?

[EmotionallyWrecked]

I'm sitting here wondering why I am alive. I have so much to live for but I'm miserable. All I think about is being dead.

I see a counselor and a psychiatrist. Take multiple psych meds. I still want to die.

I only seem to feel negative emotions. I hate emotions. I don't want them.

I used to drink and drug. Used cocaine, pain pills, alcohol, weed, tranqs, even played with heroin. I've been sober for 11 years other than some weed. Yet still all I know is hate and despair. If I could sign a paper saying I will die in my sleep tonight I would immediately sign it.

The only thing that has kept me from killing my self is my kids. I don't want them to have the stigma of their dad killing himself. I'm just not sure how much longer that will be enough.

I'm sitting here almost in tears for no reason other than I hate myself and want to end the hate and pain

 

[spanishguy22]

Sadly it just is and we have been unlucky enough to experience it. Welcome

 

[EmotionallyWrecked]

i hate life. Wish I knew what good emotions felt like. Can't remember the last time I felt happy.

 

[spanishguy22]

i hate life. Wish I knew what good emotions felt like. Can't remember the last time I felt happy.

Same, haven't felt that since 11, 22 now and don't want to spend any more time in this state.

 

[EmotionallyWrecked]

In just so tired. I've been told I'm like a chameleon. I am who I need to be at any certain time.

Time to be dad. Time to be a good employee. When is it time to be like all the other happy people.

 

[iwannaendme]

i hate life. Wish I knew what good emotions felt like. Can't remember the last time I felt happy.

Same. I hate life too. What is the point of it all? You can feel happy for a bit, but in a seconds it can turn into another rollercoaster of feeling hopeless, suicidal, etc. gosh, i just wish there was some button u can click to that can end me forever. anyway, wishing u to feel better any soon.

 

[EmotionallyWrecked]

Thank you. I hope you have more happiness than despair.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm sitting here wondering why I am alive. I have so much to live for but I'm miserable. All I think about is being dead.

I see a counselor and a psychiatrist. Take multiple psych meds. I still want to die.

I only seem to feel negative emotions. I hate emotions. I don't want them.

I used to drink and drug. Used cocaine, pain pills, alcohol, weed, tranqs, even played with heroin. I've been sober for 11 years other than some weed. Yet still all I know is hate and despair. If I could sign a paper saying I will die in my sleep tonight I would immediately sign it.

The only thing that has kept me from killing my self is my kids. I don't want them to have the stigma of their dad killing himself. I'm just not sure how much longer that will be enough.

I'm sitting here almost in tears for no reason other than I hate myself and want to end the hate and pain

Awe :( what is going on? The meds most likely won't help because whatever is really going on is not being addressed. Most therapists don't really know how to help unfortunately. One place that I felt was a bit more help was NA meetings because there is actually things addressed. If u get a sponsor they start to address the stuff going on with u.

I liked it because there's no government involvement, and offers like a community. I'm considering getting the sponsor because i need the help with staying on track with any goals towards improving my situation. Many people don't even realize they are addicts, and u can even be off substances but still have the poor coping and difficulties in life that lead people into addiction.

 

[EddieAllenPoe]

That's actually a great question. Why are you alive? It's interesting to me when someone says there is no reason. They might be able to give you a story for HOW they got here. Most people can barely answer how. But why? No reason. They just magically popped into existence one day to experience misery and heartache. They won't say it this way but it's in essence what they believe. Is that actually reasonable? It seems odd we should have minds that seek purpose and somehow conclude there is none.

I'm actually not confident most people could know why they exist. I don't think it's true there is no reason. The reason I think most people couldn't know is because it looks like they came here the same way I did. I didn't make myself. I also didn't generate this whole backstory we're born into. Did you? If I wanted to know the actual reasons for why I'm alive I wouldn't ask another person. I know that probably sounds crazy but how could they know?

 

[TAW122]

I think life is pointless, objectively speaking. I'd say that life is bad due to shitty circumstances and the world we live in and then the individual being unable to change it (alone) to make it into something one wants. Then there is the constant maintenance in life such as food, water, shelter, clothing, and the day to day grind of making a living (earning money) just to survive and get by. After decades or so of slaving away, then one ages and then one's health starts to decline until they become dependent on others and/or living a poor quality of life.

 

[EmotionallyWrecked]

I appreciate everyone's thoughts.

I just dropped my boys off at a Boy Scout breakfast. Couldn't even eat. I forced down a small pancake and a piece of bacon. Haven't eaten much the last 3 days. No appetite.

Now I'm at home. Trying to hold back the tears. Still have no idea why.

I threw out any weed that I had left. Tossed all the Xanax. I found my self taking way more than prescribed. It slows down the rollercoaster in my head. But my addictive personality and my past history of abuse scares me. I DONT want a habit. again. Besides weed has started to make me anxious and uneasy. Its not the same anymore. Yet I still crave weed. I know the craving will pass eventually.

Yet there are so many days I just want to say fuck it and start using so I can die. I feel like it what I was put here to be. A big waste of a life.

My kids are the only real thing that keeps me kinda grounded. I love them as much as I am capable of loving someone. I'm not even sure it's love or just what I'm supposed to feel. I would die for them. Or maybe for me. Not sure anymore

I need help...........

I'm afraid to be left alone. Even though I always loved being by myself. I am very anti social. I generally don't like people. I have one very close friend. She has a lot of the same problems I have. It's a strictly platonic relationship. She's like a sister.

I have everything to live for. A great supportive family. Great kids. I live with a gal who I think genuinely lives me. I'm care about her but not sure about love.

Yet I'm still miserable.