Venting Why is it always about how OTHER people feel about your suicidality

[CatabolicSeed]

I just wish for once I could be comforted, that my feelings could be prioritized JUST ONCE. Like "I'm sorry you're so miserable all the time that you're planning on offing yourself to end the pain, how can I help?" but it's never that. It's always "you being suicidal makes ME feel worried" or "you being suicidal makes ME feel unappreciated" and I know other people have just as much of a right to want to prioritize their feelings as I do, but why does it ALWAYS have to be the other person every single time!!!! I just so desperately want to be comforted, but instead I have to keep all my feelings locked up inside because if I bring up how suicidal I am then I'm making other people feel bad. So I always have to be the one who feels bad instead. At least when I CTB in 2 or 3 months it won't matter anymore.

 

[WornOutLife]

Unfortunately, we can't talk about suicide to anyone (SS is the exception) because they just won't get it.

I only talk about it here because I've given up all my hopes on society.

 

[FuneralCry]

I feel like many other people simply don't understand as they haven't suffered the same way themselves. They therefore act selfishly rather than in an understanding way. It's the same reason why I would never tell anyone how I was feeling, sometimes I think there is more harm done than good doing that. I wish you the best.

 

[BlankUser]

Yes. My dad said if I don't want to live for myself, I should live for him. Seriously? And yet he does nothing to make my life worth living. He texts me only a few times a year to wish me happy birthday and happy new year. He almost never asks how I am. He told me that he doesn't want to hear about my problems because it makes him feel bad and he needs to focus on his work. I feel so neglected and yet he feels so entitled. I would really be a bit less suicidal if I had his support.

 

[loopylou]

It's called ' selfishness'

 

[Slate128]

I can't comprehend what makes someone think they have a right to your emotions. That kind of self-centred thinking is usually knocked out of us by about 3 years old.

 

[Ame]

Having been ill for so long, the possibility that I may one day commit suicide was something that loomed over my family's head like the Sword of Damocles for years. There were two people in my life who are very dear to me who ended up killing themselves. In both instances, when the news of their passing came in, my father would tell me: "Look at how much you're hurting. Now you know, so think about what you doing that would do to us."

I understood where he was coming from with his comment. It was clumsy and lacked tact, but it was one that was made out of fear and desperation. No parent wants to have to bury their child and instinct drives loving parents to protect their children, even if threat happens to the child himself. Intellectually, I know and understand that gratitude and suicidality were never two disjoint sets but even now, there is that nagging shame that comes up in my darkest moments. I still have to deal with those thoughts and feeling that bubble up to the surface that say that because I want to die, that I somehow do not love those around me nor do I appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. The disconnect between the rational mind and our emotions produces anguish.

To hear that I would be doing harm with my choice is beyond painful and yet I know that intentions are often pure...but it is as that English idiom goes: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The tragedy of existing is that we cannot do so without hurting others or being hurt.

 

[motel rooms]

He told me that he doesn't want to hear about my problems because it makes him feel bad and he needs to focus on his work.

He actually said that?! What a piece of shit...

 

[the_final_countdown]

Having been ill for so long, the possibility that I may one day commit suicide was something that loomed over my family's head like the Sword of Damocles for years. There were two people in my life who are very dear to me who ended up killing themselves. In both instances, when the news of their passing came in, my father would tell me: "Look at how much you're hurting. Now you know, so think about what you doing that would do to us."

I understood where he was coming from with his comment. It was clumsy and lacked tact, but it was one that was made out of fear and desperation. No parent wants to have to bury their child and instinct drives loving parents to protect their children, even if threat happens to the child himself. Intellectually, I know and understand that gratitude and suicidality were never two disjoint sets but even now, there is that nagging shame that comes up in my darkest moments. I still have to deal with those thoughts and feeling that bubble up to the surface that say that because I want to die, that I somehow do not love those around me nor do I appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. The disconnect between the rational mind and our emotions produces anguish.

To hear that I would be doing harm with my choice is beyond painful and yet I know that intentions are often pure...but it is as that English idiom goes: the road to hell are paved with good intentions.

The tragedy of existing is that we cannot do so without hurting others or being hurt.

I understand.

Sorry about your illness. So sorry...

 

[LeGuitarist]

I just wish for once I could be comforted, that my feelings could be prioritized JUST ONCE. Like "I'm sorry you're so miserable all the time that you're planning on offing yourself to end the pain, how can I help?" but it's never that. It's always "you being suicidal makes ME feel worried" or "you being suicidal makes ME feel unappreciated" and I know other people have just as much of a right to want to prioritize their feelings as I do, but why does it ALWAYS have to be the other person every single time!!!! I just so desperately want to be comforted, but instead I have to keep all my feelings locked up inside because if I bring up how suicidal I am then I'm making other people feel bad. So I always have to be the one who feels bad instead. At least when I CTB in 2 or 3 months it won't matter anymore.

I know this makes me sound like a pro-lifer, but I actually have had very few experiences with people saying things like that. I get most of my support from Discord helpline servers (you can search some up on Disboard) and "how can I help?" is actually the most common phrase I hear. I would recommend you check them out

that being said, I'm really sorry life has pushed you to that point, and if you ever want to talk, know that I'm not going to make it about me.

 

[BlankUser]

He actually said that?! What a piece of shit...

Yes, then he asked me not to judge him for it
why bring a child into this world if you don't want to be burdened by said child...

 

[CatabolicSeed]

I know this makes me sound like a pro-lifer, but I actually have had very few experiences with people saying things like that. I get most of my support from Discord helpline servers (you can search some up on Disboard) and "how can I help?" is actually the most common phrase I hear. I would recommend you check them out

that being said, I'm really sorry life has pushed you to that point, and if you ever want to talk, know that I'm not going to make it about me.

I've always found pro-choice online spaces to be a lot more comforting than my IRL loved ones when it comes to this stuff. One time I posted a vent on here about how scared I am of being committed to inpatient again and someone responded "hey, everything's gonna be alright. we're here for you. how are you feeling right now?". I still go back and look at this comment sometimes, it neant that much to me. I don't think anyone IRL has ever told me "everything's gonna be alright".

 

[suicideseeker]

Having been ill for so long, the possibility that I may one day commit suicide was something that loomed over my family's head like the Sword of Damocles for years. There were two people in my life who are very dear to me who ended up killing themselves. In both instances, when the news of their passing came in, my father would tell me: "Look at how much you're hurting. Now you know, so think about what you doing that would do to us."

I understood where he was coming from with his comment. It was clumsy and lacked tact, but it was one that was made out of fear and desperation. No parent wants to have to bury their child and instinct drives loving parents to protect their children, even if threat happens to the child himself. Intellectually, I know and understand that gratitude and suicidality were never two disjoint sets but even now, there is that nagging shame that comes up in my darkest moments. I still have to deal with those thoughts and feeling that bubble up to the surface that say that because I want to die, that I somehow do not love those around me nor do I appreciate all of the wonderful things in my life. The disconnect between the rational mind and our emotions produces anguish.

To hear that I would be doing harm with my choice is beyond painful and yet I know that intentions are often pure...but it is as that English idiom goes: the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

The tragedy of existing is that we cannot do so without hurting others or being hurt.

What are the wonderful things in your life if you don't mind sharing?

 

[return2dreamland]

people are selfish, and only understand things from what they're feeling and their perspective. it's easier for them to say "look at how i feel" instead of trying to understand what others feel. they think they're helping, but they don't understand that it doesn't help in the slightest.
i've had my fair share of people shoving their feelings in my face when i'm vocalizing how much i'm struggling, from my parent's guilt tripping me with a solid "you're going to tear the family apart; think about how your siblings would feel," after they found my noose when i was 16 and the very fun "i don't know what i would do if you died; i'd kill myself if you killed yourself," (bestie... i get you're struggling, but this Isn't The Time)
this is a bit off topic, but i find it's even worse when someone finally asks "what can i do to help?" and i respond with "i don't know," because i have no idea what to do and they go "ok, okay, so sorry :(" and DON'T FUCKING HELP like thank you for getting my hopes up babe (this has happened to me on multiple occasions with psychiatrists LMAO)
people just don't know how to approach suicidality.

 

[motel rooms]

Yes, then he asked me not to judge him for it

You need to blow up a big bag of your pet's poop in his apartment/house

 

[SanctionedSquad]

Many people can't understand that something hurts that much that you rather don't exist than have that feeling.
We humans have a naturally high survival instinct but it can get destroyed if things that we aren't supposed to feel/witness happen, people who have no mental disorders or haven't seen traumatic things don't understand that feeling at all.

They say it is selfish cause then your friends or family would be sad but in my opinion it is selfish to non censensually keep someone alive even though it is their Life, I even find it disgusting.

 

[SexyIncél]

"you're not doing what I want" = selfish
"I'm not doing what you want" = self care

 

[Sprite_Geist]

"you're not doing what I want" = selfish
"I'm not doing what you want" = self care

"You need to deal with your problems on your own." = Self-reliance

"You don't want to stay alive for us? But we rely on you!" = Selfish.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Heroic complex. Nothing more.

Maybe jealousy that we have the balls to see life for what it really is and do something about it? Idk.