Help why I'm feeling this way when talking to my friend?

[Death is my goal]

I've known this online friend more than a year, very nice guy. he's the only one i opened up with about my depression and tried to help me the best he can.. anyways, whenever i talk to him i get anxious/scared? alongside pain in my heart like similar to a heart attack. I don't know why I'm feeling like this I'm lost, can someone please explain? if i had to guess its because we been talking about my mental illness a lot and whenever we do i always get sweaty and anxious all the time but I'm not sure.. it's weird feeling this way when he's a very good guy. I still feel this way even tho we didn't talk about this topic for quite some time... we text only btw no voice.

 

[Death is my goal]

any idea how to get this feeling out of the way?

 

[madebrief]

I think it sounds like a good feeling. One that you can't get out of the way.

It's a feeling I had in the past but sadly I've lost everything. Maybe hold on to what you've got.

 

[Death is my goal]

I think it sounds like a good feeling. One that you can't get out of the way.

It's a feeling I had in the past but sadly I've lost everything. Maybe hold on to what you've got.

is it a good feeling? kinda makes me uncomfortable.. it only happens when we talk

 

[outatime_85]

is it a good feeling? kinda makes me uncomfortable.. it only happens when we talk

I do not think what you are feeling is necessarily bad. Scary, yes; bad, no

The description seems like what someone may feel around someone they first met or even after a long time.

That said, could it be that while you are comfortable with that person, the topic or topics that come up make you anxious?

or

Could it be that you feel a bond or that the bond is becoming stronger with that person, and the thought of having feelings for them is making you anxious, fearful, or both?

I think if there is a true chain of trust and you have been open about your deepest thoughts with that person, you may want to delve into your anxiety and any possible feelings you may have toward that person. Clear the air, as they say.

If I am wrong or off the mark, please let me know.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

I get the exact same reaction as you, I've got anxiety and cPTSD so I get anxious, tremble, and have a painful tight feeling in my chest/palpitations when opening up about abuse and harassment, even from behind a screen, it's not a good feeling. I've had mostly bad experiences of being ignored and gaslit, so I try not to, so far there's only one person I haven't felt any regret about confiding in. But in your case, you might be feeling anxious because he's the first person you trusted with a sensitive topic, it's natural that you would feel worried about showing your vulnerable side. Once we've confided in someone they then have the power to either comfort, mock, judge, dismiss, gaslight or ignore us. But you're lucky because it sounds like he took the time to listen to you, and show support and understanding.

So maybe you're worried that his opinion of you has changed? And if you're developing feelings for him then that anxiety would naturally be heightened.

 

[sufferingextremely]

any idea how to get this feeling out of the way?

You need to desensitize yourself, I think. Things that make us anxious and tense tend to make us less so the more we do them. Anxiety and depression have commonalities in brain chemistry, I think. This is presumably why medications that treat depression also will be effective for anxiety.

There are all kinds of ways to handle stuff like this. One that is very effective is to do deep breathing/relaxation exercises. Look up some hypnosis/ deep breathing techniques. What you want to do is use hypnosis and relaxation to condition yourself to not feel this way when the situation comes up.

Get into a profoundly relaxed state and think about talking to this guy. Think about the exact situation(s) that cause you this feeling, and continue to relax yourself. Do this daily, maybe even twice a day or more, if you have time.

What will happen over time is your mind and body will start to associate this situation with relaxation. You will talk to this guy and it will trigger a feeling of relaxation.

 

[Pluto]

One possible reason is fear of abandonment.

To a young child, abandonment is the worst possible thing as it means death. According to Attachment Theory, parents must be available and responsive throughout early childhood in order for a young person to achieve a sense of safety in the world. Otherwise, an Anxious Attachment style in adult life could result.

A second possible reason is that in discussing these issues, you are revealing trauma from the past which has not been processed, and thus reliving it. An online friend may not be equipped to deal with a need for therapy, even with the best intentions. And if he does become unavailable at some point, it would cause you immense grief.