LadyAlastor
Fading In And out losing time with the two I love.
- Jan 13, 2020
- 151
Before I start I would like to say that I've been looking at your guys's forms for a good 2 months without an account and I can say this has to be one of the most beautiful communities I've ever seen in my life I'm thankful for that.
Call me chara
Now let's start.
I have lost a lot in this life what I mean by a lot I'm not over exaggerating, I'm a transgender individual who has no way of getting the surgery she needs to complete herself.
I lost an 11-year relationship with a woman who I thought loved every bit of me accepted every bit of me, I did everything for her even stopped hormones to have children with her.
Only to be cheated on with my my best friend, and thrown out in the middle of San Diego left for Dead.
I found out a few days ago that my ex voluntarily gave up the children and they're now in foster care.
all parental rights have been waived because both of us are too mentally unstable to take care of the kids I can respect that.
I did so many things for this woman that the average person in a relationship would have said 'f*** that I'm out".
I gave her everything damn near literally control of my life from my emotions to my finances, I am in deep debt.
my childhood and teen life were not great at all from every form of abuse you can think of with many suicide attempts under my belt within those time frames plus my adult life.
I suffer from a string of mental illnesses from severe chronic depression to schizotypal personality disorder to borderline personality disorder my psych eval is a beautiful long list of I don't have the will to live.
My therapist even told me that I am a ticking Time bomb for suicide and that much I knew for a fact she was right.
now trust me when I say I have tried and tried and tried to muster up the will to live. from video games to writing stories to just doing anything I can but I'm just tapped out.
A good 90% of my friends do not support my decision all but two do support my decision and I love them both for that.
My best friend I've known since I was 16 I gave her a call I let her know everything that happened everything that went on and she is more than happy to accept this. because she knew it was going to happen one way or another she loves the hell out of me I love the hell out of her but we both knew this was going to happen.
This decision is not impulsive I've been planning this out for a good week now.
all I've been doing is crying laying in bed next to my undertale asriel body pillow.
listening to nothing but the playlist of songs I plan to endmyself myself with.
I have no drive to play games what or do the things I usually enjoy.
My method is always the same wake up not shower, barely eat, or drink,smoke a pack of cigarettes stay up late nights looking out this form until I pass out listening to music.
I'm just tired, I'm so tired.
I'm 29 years old my birthday just passed on the 7th not long ago.
Method will be ctb or something better.
I just wanna die in my bed next to my body pillow with my playlist blasting in my ears.
Call me chara
Now let's start.
I have lost a lot in this life what I mean by a lot I'm not over exaggerating, I'm a transgender individual who has no way of getting the surgery she needs to complete herself.
I lost an 11-year relationship with a woman who I thought loved every bit of me accepted every bit of me, I did everything for her even stopped hormones to have children with her.
Only to be cheated on with my my best friend, and thrown out in the middle of San Diego left for Dead.
I found out a few days ago that my ex voluntarily gave up the children and they're now in foster care.
all parental rights have been waived because both of us are too mentally unstable to take care of the kids I can respect that.
I did so many things for this woman that the average person in a relationship would have said 'f*** that I'm out".
I gave her everything damn near literally control of my life from my emotions to my finances, I am in deep debt.
my childhood and teen life were not great at all from every form of abuse you can think of with many suicide attempts under my belt within those time frames plus my adult life.
I suffer from a string of mental illnesses from severe chronic depression to schizotypal personality disorder to borderline personality disorder my psych eval is a beautiful long list of I don't have the will to live.
My therapist even told me that I am a ticking Time bomb for suicide and that much I knew for a fact she was right.
now trust me when I say I have tried and tried and tried to muster up the will to live. from video games to writing stories to just doing anything I can but I'm just tapped out.
A good 90% of my friends do not support my decision all but two do support my decision and I love them both for that.
My best friend I've known since I was 16 I gave her a call I let her know everything that happened everything that went on and she is more than happy to accept this. because she knew it was going to happen one way or another she loves the hell out of me I love the hell out of her but we both knew this was going to happen.
This decision is not impulsive I've been planning this out for a good week now.
all I've been doing is crying laying in bed next to my undertale asriel body pillow.
listening to nothing but the playlist of songs I plan to endmyself myself with.
I have no drive to play games what or do the things I usually enjoy.
My method is always the same wake up not shower, barely eat, or drink,smoke a pack of cigarettes stay up late nights looking out this form until I pass out listening to music.
I'm just tired, I'm so tired.
I'm 29 years old my birthday just passed on the 7th not long ago.
Method will be ctb or something better.
I just wanna die in my bed next to my body pillow with my playlist blasting in my ears.
