heiwa2
Member
- Mar 16, 2026
- 7
It all started around 2 months ago. I was in 4th semester of college for bsc life science degree. I have had bad mental health since the age of 14. It had gotten significantly worse since I had started college but I still pushed through 1st , 2nd and 3rd semester. In 4th sem due to some circumstances it got severe to the point that I started humming my thoughts out loud without realising them ( my thoughts can get extremely bad because of my ocd ), still I pushed through few weeks ( I was really going insane). Then I stumbled across the idea of nihlism and how our suffering doesn't matter. I looked at my degree and thought maybe it's not worth that much sacrificing for, basically I was repelled by meaningless suffering. So I dropped out. I stumbled across philosophy of antinatalism and decided it's immoral to bring children in existence ( I also looked into philosophy of Aurther Schopenhauer and Phillip Mainlander). At that point if I don't want to have kids why should I even work. Then I got settled into the life of a hikikomori/Neet. The current circumstances also played a role in me shutting in, the job market and dating market are really bad, I decided it's not even worth the suffering( My mental health also makes it hard for me to socialize, even though I was a lot social during my 2 years of college, but that was probably just to gain power and survive). So from here I don't really see a future for myself. Soon my parents will grow old( their health is already declining) and I will have to take care of the house and everything else. All my relatives will get settled in their lives with family and kids while I will remain the same. They all will look down on me as a loser. For the past months I have been just rotting. All my previous hobbies like games, anime or YouTube don't even intrest me anymore. All I want to do is to cease my existence before life gets worse, because it can only get worse from here. I wish I could just turn back time to correct all my mistakes and probably go atleast 5 years back in time but that's not how it works.
