Why i want to CTB

[Wilt-On-High]

I'm sorry if this is horribly worded/punctuated
I CAN. NOT. BE. ARSED. TO GO OVER THIS.

I feel like a burden on everyone
Everyone wants me gone
I feel like dead weight every single day
My Family will be much happier without me
They won't be miserable anymore.
They won't have to shout at me anymore for being too lazy or being daft.
My younger sibling will be happy, she hates me even though i try my hardest.

I have Autism and special Educational needs/learning difficulties which makes things harder for me to pick up. unfortunately
I failed all of my GCSEs but re-took english and passed but failed maths which is a core skill needed to function for basic life and I'm terrible at it.
no matter how many times people closest to me try to help
I always fuck up.
I am so stupid its unbelievable how I am still alive.
I lack social skills too.
I always get fidgety and restless when faced with people and they think I'm weird without saying anything. How am I meant to get and hold a job If I can't even do basic things like give proper eye contact? Hold a proper conversation without awkwardly going silent?
UNDERSTANDING WHAT MY MANAGER WANTS ME TO GET DONE IN ONE GO WITHOUT FORGETTING.
I always forget and I hate it.
I'm so Flawed in every way possible and I can't live like this anymore.


I love making things and drawing. But I'm so bad at that too and I feel so
De-motivated to do shite.

"Everyone is way ahead of you and you're just trying to catch up" someone close to me has told me multiple times.

I used to cut to punish myself for getting something wrong but now it's to stop my suicidal thoughts as a result of this
my arm is badly Scarred.

I'm struggling to sleep because of my constant thoughts. I know I should be grateful because there are people in a even worst situation than me that would kill to be in my place.
I want to kill myself badly
I already tried 3 times.
I feel like my fourth time will work.
I made sure this time
And I checked for any errors, made sure that everything will run smoothly. There is a 95% chance this will work.
If plan A. goes wrong and my stuff to CTB gets taken then plan B. is to decapitate myself at my local train
station.

I am far too damaged to be saved now.
4 years of mental torture, I feel like scum of the earth
People tried.
My parents tried.
But I am just too daft for anything.


23/09/24

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

I understand your struggles, I also have autism and it makes it really hard to make friends or interact with people, a lot of people just downright make fun of me even when I'm trying to be normal.

I also have a scarred arm from self harm and although I never failed my GCSE's I still feel like I'm too disabled to even work, I haven't worked the 19 years I've been alive and I don't know how I'd manage a job, I hope things go well for you and you can find peace

 

[Wilt-On-High]

I understand your struggles, I also have autism and it makes it really hard to make friends or interact with people, a lot of people just downright make fun of me even when I'm trying to be normal.

I also have a scarred arm from self harm and although I never failed my GCSE's I still feel like I'm too disabled to even work, I haven't worked the 19 years I've been alive and I don't know how I'd manage a job, I hope things go well for you and you can find peace

Thank you mate :3

 

[RadiantNumber]

Thank you mate :3

You're not alone hugs

 

[HeartThatFeeds]

Thank you mate :3

Of course man

 

[Davey40210]

I'm sorry if this is horribly worded/punctuated
I CAN. NOT. BE. ARSED. TO GO OVER THIS.

I feel like a burden on everyone
Everyone wants me gone
I feel like dead weight every single day
My Family will be much happier without me
They won't be miserable anymore.
They won't have to shout at me anymore for being too lazy or being daft.
My younger sibling will be happy, she hates me even though i try my hardest.

I have Autism and special Educational needs/learning difficulties which makes things harder for me to pick up. unfortunately
I failed all of my GCSEs but re-took english and passed but failed maths which is a core skill needed to function for basic life and I'm terrible at it.
no matter how many times people closest to me try to help
I always fuck up.
I am so stupid its unbelievable how I am still alive.
I lack social skills too.
I always get fidgety and restless when faced with people and they think I'm weird without saying anything. How am I meant to get and hold a job If I can't even do basic things like give proper eye contact? Hold a proper conversation without awkwardly going silent?
UNDERSTANDING WHAT MY MANAGER WANTS ME TO GET DONE IN ONE GO WITHOUT FORGETTING.
I always forget and I hate it.
I'm so Flawed in every way possible and I can't live like this anymore.


I love making things and drawing. But I'm so bad at that too and I feel so
De-motivated to do shite.

"Everyone is way ahead of you and you're just trying to catch up" someone close to me has told me multiple times.

I used to cut to punish myself for getting something wrong but now it's to stop my suicidal thoughts as a result of this
my arm is badly Scarred.

I'm struggling to sleep because of my constant thoughts. I know I should be grateful because there are people in a even worst situation than me that would kill to be in my place.
I want to kill myself badly
I already tried 3 times.
I feel like my fourth time will work.
I made sure this time
And I checked for any errors, made sure that everything will run smoothly. There is a 95% chance this will work.
If plan A. goes wrong and my stuff to CTB gets taken then plan B. is to decapitate myself at my local train
station.

I am far too damaged to be saved now.
4 years of mental torture, I feel like scum of the earth
People tried.
My parents tried.
But I am just too daft for anything.


23/09/24

I also think I have autism but it hasn't been officially diagnosed. And I think I only have it to a minor degree. I can only imagine how it must be when it's full-on and the people around you don't have an understanding of what it's like.. Hope things will get better for you OP or you find peace somehow.

 

[Wilt-On-High]

I also think I have autism but it hasn't been officially diagnosed. And I think I only have it to a minor degree. I can only imagine how it must be when it's full-on and the people around you don't have an understanding of what it's like.. Hope things will get better for you OP or you find peace somehow.

Thank you so much :3
I think I'm going to choose the latter honestly
I'm too Flawed for this world

You're not alone hugs

Thank you :333

 

[Lazybpdbadmom]

I'm sorry if this is horribly worded/punctuated
I CAN. NOT. BE. ARSED. TO GO OVER THIS.

I feel like a burden on everyone
Everyone wants me gone
I feel like dead weight every single day
My Family will be much happier without me
They won't be miserable anymore.
They won't have to shout at me anymore for being too lazy or being daft.
My younger sibling will be happy, she hates me even though i try my hardest.

I have Autism and special Educational needs/learning difficulties which makes things harder for me to pick up. unfortunately
I failed all of my GCSEs but re-took english and passed but failed maths which is a core skill needed to function for basic life and I'm terrible at it.
no matter how many times people closest to me try to help
I always fuck up.
I am so stupid its unbelievable how I am still alive.
I lack social skills too.
I always get fidgety and restless when faced with people and they think I'm weird without saying anything. How am I meant to get and hold a job If I can't even do basic things like give proper eye contact? Hold a proper conversation without awkwardly going silent?
UNDERSTANDING WHAT MY MANAGER WANTS ME TO GET DONE IN ONE GO WITHOUT FORGETTING.
I always forget and I hate it.
I'm so Flawed in every way possible and I can't live like this anymore.


I love making things and drawing. But I'm so bad at that too and I feel so
De-motivated to do shite.

"Everyone is way ahead of you and you're just trying to catch up" someone close to me has told me multiple times.

I used to cut to punish myself for getting something wrong but now it's to stop my suicidal thoughts as a result of this
my arm is badly Scarred.

I'm struggling to sleep because of my constant thoughts. I know I should be grateful because there are people in a even worst situation than me that would kill to be in my place.
I want to kill myself badly
I already tried 3 times.
I feel like my fourth time will work.
I made sure this time
And I checked for any errors, made sure that everything will run smoothly. There is a 95% chance this will work.
If plan A. goes wrong and my stuff to CTB gets taken then plan B. is to decapitate myself at my local train
station.

I am far too damaged to be saved now.
4 years of mental torture, I feel like scum of the earth
People tried.
My parents tried.
But I am just too daft for anything.


23/09/24

I totally feel you. I'm neurodivergent too and hate it. What is your plan a?

 

[Wilt-On-High]

I totally feel you. I'm neurodivergent too and hate it. What is your plan a?

SN is My plan A.
But it looks like I won't be able to go through with that as I'm broke :(