Why I am choosing to die at 30 and found peace with my decision

[FireFox]

I really wanted to live and be happy. Growing up all I ever wanted was to make a postive contribution to society, I didn't want to be these boring people who work the 9-5 and stay at home on the weekends watching TV and having no real passion for anything. I wanted excitement, adventure and meaning. Above all I wanted to be deeply loved by a man

I fought so hard to improve my life and give myself a good life. I worked hard at school and university, when I was builled I always fought back against the people who builled me and I never ever gave up when things were difficult in life. I always determined to make things work. All I ended up with getting fired from my first full job since graduating university and being known as that work collague who messed up all the time, constantly rejected by men and never seen as that man's special woman and never chosen like other women around me have. I have Failed to be a functional adult who has it together while everyone around me is successful. I feel so alone.

At 26 I am now done with life and living. 30 is another decade which I don't want to see. Its too late for me to find love and at 30 no man will want me. Its everything else in my life, 2023 has been the worst year of my life. I don't belong here in this world. Some of us are not made for living. Everyday I am suicidal and my anoxeria has taken over my life its pure torture. I want relief from everything.

 

[ineedrope]

Same age as you and same luck of dating. I personally don't want to see 30. I don't want to die but the only way for bad thoughts to stop is to end my life. I don't think a woman in my life would change my mind anymore. I don't want to depend on someone else to be happy with myself. I'll never be happy with myself. All I do is cope by existing.

 

[leavingsoon99]

I love your perspective. It's similar to mine. I'm a man, and older than you, but I get your sentiment. No woman wants me. In the end, there's nothing to prove to life or anyone else. You gave everything you had. You don't owe life anything else. You never asked anyone to come here. Life imposes itself onto beings, then insists on gratitude from those beings. The creator of this should be killed. I wanted to love life, like you. It never availed itself to me, though. If I can't live life on my terms, I won't live it. Good luck and clarity on your journey.

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

I'm 39 and have had 2 women tell me they can't love me how I want. The second one being my wife. Don't really want to see 40 because of it. Life is a drag and love is a pain.

 

[Clorox54]

Hey op honestly 30 is not too late to find someone damn some people even find someone at 40 so dont be desesperate to find someone its better to find 1 good person than 30 bad ones, as feeling like shit honestly everyone does sometimes feel like this you can make your way out of this bad thinking scheme if you want any help or to talk more about it do not hesitate to reach me i'll be more than happy if i can help you just even a little but to feel more happy and to show you how succesful and loved you can be dont give up

 

[SVEN]

Hey op honestly 30 is not too late to find someone damn some people even find someone at 40 so dont be desesperate to find someone its better to find 1 good person than 30 bad ones, as feeling like shit honestly everyone does sometimes feel like this you can make your way out of this bad thinking scheme if you want any help or to talk more about it do not hesitate to reach me i'll be more than happy if i can help you just even a little but to feel more happy and to show you how succesful and loved you can be dont give up

Are you and Blue Orchids using the same hackneyed script ?

 

[FuneralCry]

To me it's really understandable just wishing for relief from all the suffering, existence is just too cruel, I also don't belong here, I see it as being such a dreadful existence where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own.

 

[carac]

I do wonder whether this type of feeling is nature or nurture. Does society put to much pressure on us to succeed and live a "perfect" family life? Or do we have some innate need to want to be loved and make a success of ourselves. Personally at 46 I've kind of accepted being an unloved failure and I'm kind of alright with it.

 

[ookletsgoctb]

I'm F29 and I feel hopeless aswell. But my life is shit right now. 9-5 time job, I don't have a big group of friends as I used to have, still living with my parents. Recently went through a breakup and I've never felt so lonely. A while ago I was planning to marry and having kids. Now I don't see that happening. I struggled with depression for a long time and now I'm getting old. Planning ctb before turning 30.

 

[ringo99]

My father represents the worst aspects of me and I can feel myself turning into him with every passing day. At my age I have no hope of changing into a better human being. The only reason he's not dead in a ditch or begging in the streets is because my incredible mom carried us paying for it every step of the way with steadily declining health. The way that worthless piece of shit acknowledges it is by emotionally abusing her at every opportunity. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm working to ensure she's financially secure. I've got no reason to go on once I achieve that.

 

[Professor K]

I remember saying that when I was younger and I still say that to myself today.

''i refuse to be 15years old this number and what it means to be a teen and highschool scare the s out of me i can't''
but then...
''I'll die before ever reaching 17years old, so 16 is my limit!!!''
then...
''I'll die before reaching 18years old that is my limit i can't be an adult, no way, too much problems...''
then....
''You know what, 20 years of age is the absolute limit there is no way I go over this age it would be too awful I can't be in my twenties...''

I guess it's different for me before the reason i didn't successfully die at 14 was because my many attemps to hang, cut and jump off of a bridge failed and led me to be trapped in the psych ward.
I then tried starvation and train which failed because of SI and doctors and missed the train.
So i did try hard, simply didn't know the methods well enough for them to succeed. Not enough researches and planning.

Regarding your message, so much will happen in those 4 years... As long as you're content with the choice that you make.

 

[NoFutureAnymore]

I can relate to your story. I had difficulties dating and finding the right woman. At the end I still managed to find an amazing woman. But luck didn't last long and she died in an accident....

 

[FireFox]

I love your perspective. It's similar to mine. I'm a man, and older than you, but I get your sentiment. No woman wants me. In the end, there's nothing to prove to life or anyone else. You gave everything you had. You don't owe life anything else. You never asked anyone to come here. Life imposes itself onto beings, then insists on gratitude from those beings. The creator of this should be killed. I wanted to love life, like you. It never availed itself to me, though. If I can't live life on my terms, I won't live it. Good luck and clarity on your journey.

@leavingsoon99 Virtual hug It's so wonderful and reassuring having someone who can actually relate and gets it.

I can relate to your story. I had difficulties dating and finding the right woman. At the end I still managed to find an amazing woman. But luck didn't last long and she died in an accident....

@NoFutureAnymore Sorry for your loss Rest In Peace to the woman who died.

I'm F29 and I feel hopeless aswell. But my life is shit right now. 9-5 time job, I don't have a big group of friends as I used to have, still living with my parents. Recently went through a breakup and I've never felt so lonely. A while ago I was planning to marry and having kids. Now I don't see that happening. I struggled with depression for a long time and now I'm getting old. Planning ctb before turning 30.

@ookletsgoctb virtual hug most ordinary people in relationships do not understand how lucky they are to have someone. It's so frustrating reading about women complaining about their boyfriends being "boring" and trival shit really.

I have struggled with anxiety for a long time too and I can't take it anymore. I do not want to see another decade anymore. I love your lana del rey profile picture. She is one of my favourite singers

My father represents the worst aspects of me and I can feel myself turning into him with every passing day. At my age I have no hope of changing into a better human being. The only reason he's not dead in a ditch or begging in the streets is because my incredible mom carried us paying for it every step of the way with steadily declining health. The way that worthless piece of shit acknowledges it is by emotionally abusing her at every opportunity. The only reason I'm still here is because I'm working to ensure she's financially secure. I've got no reason to go on once I achieve that.

@ringo99 The fact you care for your mother and working to ensure she is financially secure just shows you are a much better human being than your father. Your father is an abusive arsehole but you are not.

You are good and so much better than your father. Never forget that

 

[NightshadeDreamer]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I'm 30 and often feel the same. Anorexia comes and goes forme, so I understand the extra strain EDs add to life. It's a constant battle. Relationships are hard, I've been single for about 3yrs and feel I'll never find happiness or someone to share life with. Personally I want this year to be my last. But I hope that you find peace and happiness

 

[FireFox]

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. I'm 30 and often feel the same. Anorexia comes and goes forme, so I understand the extra strain EDs add to life. It's a constant battle. Relationships are hard, I've been single for about 3yrs and feel I'll never find happiness or someone to share life with. Personally I want this year to be my last. But I hope that you find peace and happiness

@NightshadeDreamer virtual hug I wish you well 2023 has NOT been a great year for me. I really wanted to live and I was so determined to make things work but now the fight I once had is now gone.

 

[seriouslyeffitall]

I really wanted to live and be happy. Growing up all I ever wanted was to make a postive contribution to society, I didn't want to be these boring people who work the 9-5 and stay at home on the weekends watching TV and having no real passion for anything. I wanted excitement, adventure and meaning. Above all I wanted to be deeply loved by a man

I fought so hard to improve my life and give myself a good life. I worked hard at school and university, when I was builled I always fought back against the people who builled me and I never ever gave up when things were difficult in life. I always determined to make things work. All I ended up with getting fired from my first full job since graduating university and being known as that work collague who messed up all the time, constantly rejected by men and never seen as that man's special woman and never chosen like other women around me have. I have Failed to be a functional adult who has it together while everyone around me is successful. I feel so alone.

At 26 I am now done with life and living. 30 is another decade which I don't want to see. Its too late for me to find love and at 30 no man will want me. Its everything else in my life, 2023 has been the worst year of my life. I don't belong here in this world. Some of us are not made for living. Everyday I am suicidal and my anoxeria has taken over my life its pure torture. I want relief from everything.

2023 has sucked. I'm in a similar boat except that my wife of 15 years fell for a coworker and I have to live in the same house with her and watch her leave. The house that we bought. Throughout the whole affair she reassured me that it was temporary and she saw a future with me. The future was she needed me to watch our kids while she went out with the other guy. I'm 39. I'm not starting over and I don't want my kids to suffer from her affair. I, like you, am at peace with my decision. I did a half-assed practice run the other night. Figured what I did wrong; realized I can make it look accidental.

I hope you find the peace you deserve. I hope we all do.

 

[Orbitc]

I really wanted to live and be happy. Growing up all I ever wanted was to make a postive contribution to society, I didn't want to be these boring people who work the 9-5 and stay at home on the weekends watching TV and having no real passion for anything. I wanted excitement, adventure and meaning. Above all I wanted to be deeply loved by a man

I fought so hard to improve my life and give myself a good life. I worked hard at school and university, when I was builled I always fought back against the people who builled me and I never ever gave up when things were difficult in life. I always determined to make things work. All I ended up with getting fired from my first full job since graduating university and being known as that work collague who messed up all the time, constantly rejected by men and never seen as that man's special woman and never chosen like other women around me have. I have Failed to be a functional adult who has it together while everyone around me is successful. I feel so alone.

At 26 I am now done with life and living. 30 is another decade which I don't want to see. Its too late for me to find love and at 30 no man will want me. Its everything else in my life, 2023 has been the worst year of my life. I don't belong here in this world. Some of us are not made for living. Everyday I am suicidal and my anoxeria has taken over my life its pure torture. I want relief from everything.

You are sad that a man will not love you? I have been working as an escort since the age of 15 and every day i sees how men cheat on their wives - men never love anyone - it will be enough for any man to see a younger and more beautiful pussy and all his thoughts will be about sex with this new pussy. Men are not worth your sadness - remember that. Use men like a condom and throw them away after - you can't take anything from them - only money))) I do not believe in love. My work has shown me what men really are.

 

[conarc]

You are sad that a man will not love you? I have been working as an escort since the age of 15 and every day i sees how men cheat on their wives - men never love anyone - it will be enough for any man to see a younger and more beautiful pussy and all his thoughts will be about sex with this new pussy. Men are not worth your sadness - remember that. Use men like a condom and throw them away after - you can't take anything from them - only money))) I do not believe in love. My work has shown me what men really are.

I doubt that all men are like this, especially those on that platform...

 

[Orbitc]

I doubt that all men are like this, especially those on that platform...

I've only seen only such like I described. I have never met others. Any man will agree to fck with me - even if he was a holy family man before, his penis will stand like a stone)) well, maybe someone won't fck with me because they think I'm too thin - once one mrn told me this to offend me, but this does not mean that this mrn does not cheat on his wife with someone who is in his taste)))

 

[conarc]

I really wanted to live and be happy. Growing up all I ever wanted was to make a postive contribution to society, I didn't want to be these boring people who work the 9-5 and stay at home on the weekends watching TV and having no real passion for anything. I wanted excitement, adventure and meaning. Above all I wanted to be deeply loved by a man

I fought so hard to improve my life and give myself a good life. I worked hard at school and university, when I was builled I always fought back against the people who builled me and I never ever gave up when things were difficult in life. I always determined to make things work. All I ended up with getting fired from my first full job since graduating university and being known as that work collague who messed up all the time, constantly rejected by men and never seen as that man's special woman and never chosen like other women around me have. I have Failed to be a functional adult who has it together while everyone around me is successful. I feel so alone.

At 26 I am now done with life and living. 30 is another decade which I don't want to see. Its too late for me to find love and at 30 no man will want me. Its everything else in my life, 2023 has been the worst year of my life. I don't belong here in this world. Some of us are not made for living. Everyday I am suicidal and my anoxeria has taken over my life its pure torture. I want relief from everything.

I can completely understand you, just with some more issues and +10years. I would still give it a try in your age. Anything on your bucket list?