why even try if it doesn't matter

[Tionally]

I could try improving my life. maybe I could try being happy. I don't know, I haven't really been happy for a while

but no matter what I do it feels like it doesn't matter. I don't feel many emotions thanks to anhedonia I had for a few years now but thanks to newer derealization I don't feel like I'm even living my life anymore

I don't care about what happens. I don't care about consequences. I just exist feeling nothing or sad at best. Doing things doesn't give me much satisfaction and I don't have much motivation to do things I have to.

i dont even wanna try. I don't care enough to. and doing nothing will only make my life fall apart.
dying seems like an easy way out. doing anything is starting to feel more and more like a chore.

I don't even care much about my friends anymore. I start to feel more disconnected from close ones with every day. (maybe because I'm losing contact a little with some of them) not that it matters. I don't think most of them care about me either way.

I'm just there as time flies by. I wish it could stop and I could just do nothing.

i even start to forget things a little I think. my memories start to feel fuzzy and I don't feel like it's me I them. and some of them just seem to fade away

with every day I'm more disconnected with who I was

 

[noneed]

I feel like it sounds like you are very hurt and hopeless right now. When I took acid I thought that it changed me and me a different but I think when people take substances that alter their brain chemistry it highlights to them what's wrong with their life or mental state. You may be going through a stage of maturity where you're going to make or break. Sometimes life isn't exciting and right now for me feels monotonous and painful. I don't have any advice for you but good luck . Your friends would be upset if you passed away my dad was 40 still talking occasionally about his childhood friend who committed suicide.

I feel like it sounds like you are very hurt and hopeless right now. When I took acid I thought that it changed me and me a different but I think when people take substances that alter their brain chemistry it highlights to them what's wrong with their life or mental state. You may be going through a stage of maturity where you're going to make or break. Sometimes life isn't exciting and right now for me feels monotonous and painful. I don't have any advice for you but good luck . Your friends would be upset if you passed away my dad was 40 still talking occasionally about his childhood friend who committed suicide.

Still your choice tho

 

[Ksmиda]

I just exist feeling nothing or sad at best. Doing things doesn't give me much satisfaction and I don't have much motivation to do things I have to.

This is the worst part (imo) because it robs you of any motivation to change anything and it sucks. It goes away sometimes but even then it's still so hard to do things and get better.

i dont even wanna try. I don't care enough to. and doing nothing will only make my life fall apart.
dying seems like an easy way out.

Very true, sometimes I just want to lie down forever and not move at all. I feel like I'm paralysed and it's so hard to even move my arm sometimes (when it gets bad).

i even start to forget things a little I think. my memories start to feel fuzzy and I don't feel like it's me I them. and some of them just seem to fade away

Yeah, memory loss is probably the scariest part of being depressed. I remeber when sometimes I would forget a whole week.

Even if there's no objective meaning, there are still some things that make life at least slightly bearable.
I'm sorry that you have to go through all this, hope you get better soon.

 

[Tionally]

Youur friends would be upset if you passed away my dad was 40 still talking occasionally about his childhood friend who committed suicide.

Well I guess?? I'm not really sure how my closest friends would react. I feel like some people I'm not really talking to regularly would be more sad than 2 of my 3 best friends. Maybe I'm wrong but it just seems that way. Either way they probably would miss me in some way