Discussion Why don't you ctb.

[cosifantutti]

Two main reasons for me.
Family, husband, kids, grandkids, parents.
I'm scared of doing it. Being dead is fine but it's the getting there that's so hard. Apart from a magic pill everything scares me.
Some people go into the countryside and die, presumably quite slowly. The appeal of this is that it doesn't seem like ctb. More that you're walking away from life and letting yourself go. Although this appeals to me I think it would be very hard to do.

I suspect that the overriding reason people are on here is because there isn't a reliable, peaceful method. That angers me. I really think I've suffered enough.

 

[FuneralCry]

Because for me all the methods are either inacessible or risky, it's the consequence of existing in this disgusting anti-suicide society where we are denied the right to cease existing in peace, I hate this hellish world.

 

[mashka9]

i want to be dead but i'm scared to kill myself. i'm so tired but ctb is so risky and failing is my biggest fear, esp ending up with serious brain damage etc..

 

[cosifantutti]

What is quite telling is this.
Apparently in Australia vets have the highest rate of suicide and it's suggested it's pressure of the job. But tbh if I carried my own euthanasia kit I'd have long ago.

 

[Chronicoverwhelm]

I'm scared of failing and ending up with brain damage or ending up in the psych ward. I'm also scared of the unknown. Sometimes I believe it just goes black after death- that it's just like before you were born. Sometimes I believe there's a possibility of something more after death. It's TORTURE watching your life head into a continuous downward spiral and having your CTB plans actually fall into place, but then not having the guts to go through with it.

What. Am. I. Still. Doing. Here.

 

[BonfireBlondie]

currently the only thing stopping me is my brother, he's a really cool dude and I'd hate for him to find me dead. Also most methods seem messy or too difficult.

 

[cosifantutti]

I'm scared of failing and ending up with brain damage or ending up in the psych ward. I'm also scared of the unknown. Sometimes I believe it just goes black after death- that it's just like before you were born. Sometimes I believe there's a possibility of something more after death. It's TORTURE watching your life head into a continuous downward spiral and having your CTB plans actually fall into place, but then not having the guts to go through with it.

What. Am. I. Still. Doing. Here.

Brain damage worries me too.

 

[Sn0w_ang3l]

i want to be dead but i'm scared to kill myself. i'm so tired but ctb is so risky and failing is my biggest fear, esp ending up with serious brain damage etc..

Right? Ive seen alot of people being left disabled from failed attempts... Its so scary to think that if i fail i maybe will turn out the same way

 

[sserafim]

Two main reasons for me.
Family, husband, kids, grandkids, parents.
I'm scared of doing it. Being dead is fine but it's the getting there that's so hard. Apart from a magic pill everything scares me.
Some people go into the countryside and die, presumably quite slowly. The appeal of this is that it doesn't seem like ctb. More that you're walking away from life and letting yourself go. Although this appeals to me I think it would be very hard to do.

I suspect that the overriding reason people are on here is because there isn't a reliable, peaceful method. That angers me. I really think I've suffered enough.

Risk of failure and fear of failure. I don't want to be left with permanent damage from a failed attempt. Also inaccessible methods

Right? Ive seen alot of people being left disabled from failed attempts... Its so scary to think that if i fail i maybe will turn out the same way

Literally! This scares me and is the only thing preventing me from ctb

 

[haibane]

Because i dont want to let my mom alone. She already had someone very close to her ctbing so i dont want to make her feel sad that much again

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I will when the time is right. I'll spread my wings like a fcuking eagle, and soar far away from this sh!thole forever!

 

[not_telling]

I'm scared of the after. I'm just scared of dying. I hate living but fear dying, I don't know.

 

[Mrpickles]

Two main reasons for me.
Family, husband, kids, grandkids, parents.
I'm scared of doing it. Being dead is fine but it's the getting there that's so hard. Apart from a magic pill everything scares me.
Some people go into the countryside and die, presumably quite slowly. The appeal of this is that it doesn't seem like ctb. More that you're walking away from life and letting yourself go. Although this appeals to me I think it would be very hard to do.

I suspect that the overriding reason people are on here is because there isn't a reliable, peaceful method. That angers me. I really think I've suffered enough.

For me, it's my kids. My youngest has pretty severe autism. His mother doesn't have the same level of patience and understanding that I do. He wouldn't be alright without me in his corner :/. My other 2 are pretty strong and independent, but I still wouldn't want to hurt them by CTB. So, I just chug along :<

 

[kuroLilith]

i dont want to hurt my parents who have already been through so much loss. i want to be there for my nephew when he needs me. and what if i try and fail? i dont want it to be too slow and painful either. theres just too many variables. but i also dont want to suffer anymore :c

 

[sserafim]

I will when the time is right. I'll spread my wings like a fcuking eagle, and soar far away from this sh!thole forever!

Same! I wish I could just fly away from everything. I wish I could be free from all of my troubles and leave this world behind

 

[Flameboyant]

Im staying alive for my Mom. Shes done so much for me and the pure despair she showed when i tried to ctb as a teen is the reason why. Shes gone through so much, and i dont want to make it worse. Sure id be dead and wouldnt have to worry about her feelings but just the thought is enough to keep me alive. When she is no longer of this world, then my time will come too.

 

[Immensevoid]

Apart from all the reasons listed above which I also fully share, the fact of having to carry out such a difficult and painful act towards myself to stop existing makes me angry, I wish there was a more peaceful and dignified solution for human beings too.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I don't know.
I've been using "time is not right" as an excuse but I know I can just go get a rope and hang myself rn. There's no "right time" or "right place". There's actually nothing stopping me if I just stop giving a fk about everything (including dignity, peacefulness, consequences, leaving a mess, etc.)
There's still some toxic shit inside of me that wants me to prolong my stay in this hell I guess.

 

[cosifantutti]

I feel for everyone here. For many months now suicide has been a major part of my thinking because of my mental pain. We're in a horrible place with no escape.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

Mainly because I don't have a 100% sure painless method where I just fall asleep and don't wake up.

 

[Costrecce]

My sister says she is going to kill herself if I kill myself. It's like being held hostage. But of course fear also and something unknown holding me back.

 

[hevlalab]

My parents keep confiscating everything I order. Ropes, SN, pills…

Might just have to resort to jumping off a building at this point

 

[claraisnotcarol]

Mainly because I don't have a 100% sure painless method where I just fall asleep and don't wake up.

that's exactly right. I don't know how to explain but I want my ctb to be perfect, in the sense of, not only to be painless, but also I want to be very beautiful, with a dress and nice stuff... how the hell is that even possible. am I gonna sylvia plath-out myself?

My parents keep confiscating everything I order. Ropes, SN, pills…

Might just have to resort to jumping off a building at this point

we'll it is said that normally your heart stops before the fall, but I don't wanna be found like that... I also thought about it

 

[Maeve]

I'm trying to recover but it's my last push i have made my plan and my date if I'm not better in june il fly to canada(always wanted to go there and look at the Northern lights)travel a bit with my last bit of money and then drink my drink by a lake. (Corny i know but thats how i am xD)
But till then il give my all for recovery trying meds therapy the whole sesch.

 

[Baron]

Because I'm a coward, weak and lazy. I always tell myself it will be over soon, but it won't if I don't do anything. This is also not the first time I mention this on this forum. Everything will just keep adding up

 

[ikn0wthatiknow]

Scared. holding out as long as possible enjoying the little things.. music.. laughing with people online the little things are the only reason but being trapped in a constant cycle of wanting to ctb is rough and enjoying the little things is just prolonging the inevitable. Much love <3.

 

[darkenmydoorstep]

Fear of fucking up/physical pain.
That's literally it.