Why don’t people like sad people? What’s so bad about being a Debbie-downer?

[sserafim]

Why don't people like sad people? What's so bad about being a Debbie-downer? I don't understand why people usually dislike sad people, I believe that all happy people are either blinded and deluded by toxic positivity and optimism, or truly haven't experienced any hardship, pain or suffering in their lives. I'd rather have someone who tells it to me as it is rather than sugar-coats everything. I think that sad people realize the truth and reality of the world, and how it's such a depressing place.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

I think it's because being near a happy person tends to make others happy; therefore, people (subconsciously) tend to gravitate towards happy individuals in order to feel happy, a feel-good sensation, as well.

By that logic, people wouldn't want to be near a sad person because then they'd feel sad being near them, and most people typically don't like being upset. As a result, they avoid sad people.

Either that or they're just uncomfortable being near someone sad. I know I do, since I feel like I should be doing something to help despite the fact that I don't know how to solve their problem(s).

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Most people are wired to search for any and all sources of dopamine or seratonin or whatever neurotransmitter they need that feels good. Bringing the mood down tends to not produce either of those chemicals for others and so they shun anything that won't give them what they want.

 

[ThymeToLeave]

Toxic negativity hurts the people around you.

 

[WhiteRabbit]

It's about balance. Sad people complaining about everything constantly can be just as annoying as happy people saying that everything is wonderful all the time.

 

[sserafim]

Toxic negativity hurts the people around you.

Negativity isn't always toxic, I believe that society tells people that negativity is "bad" but I think that it's a more realist(ic) way of looking at the world than positivity is.

It's about balance. Sad people complaining about everything constantly can be just as annoying as happy people saying that everything is wonderful all the time.

I don't mean sad people who are complaining about everything constantly, I mean people who are just kind of sad. I think that normal people don't like them, and instead, avoid them. My mom says that "[I'm] making [her] sad" and that I'm "polluting the atmosphere with negativity and sadness" due to my depression. It's like she can feel my vibes/energy or something. I don't understand this and how people are so influenced by others.

It's about balance. Sad people complaining about everything constantly can be just as annoying as happy people saying that everything is wonderful all the time.

Yeah but people still prefer positive people to negative ones. It's like people are geared to like positivity and happy people more than negativity and sad people.

 

[SpiritualDeath]

I hardly annoy people (I stay away from them). I'm not even particularly sad, depressed, "negative" or constantly whining about my personal suffering. Yet people hate me because I'm honest enough to say something that they really don't want to hear, and I don't bother with sugarcoating.
I don't get why people are so afraid of being intellectually challenged. The only thing I can think of is that they're not really confident in their belief system and it's actually a house of cards.

 

[Final_Choice]

Sadness or other negative emotions are usually seen as a negative trait, people usually excuse it if it's not the norm but if it is for a particular person then they'll probably stay away from them. We have to be positive, happy, content, optimistic, etc. I think most people just find something that makes them happy and ignore the other aspects of their life which may be miserable, but because they see that one thing as more important they can live with the other aspects of their life which make them miserable. But in general, these feelings can be contagious and if you're around sad people you might make yourself sad, if you're around happy people you'll make yourself happy (oversimplifying it), but I think that's part of the reason why people don't like to be around sad people and prefer to be around happy people, even if they're faking it since at least you give off the impression that you're happy which might make those around you happy.

 

[TheSpookyNameGuy]

Because it's fucking tiring to listen to, even i get tired of hearing my internal dialogue rant and rave.

Usually sad people will just go in loops or say the same sad shit constantly, i get tired of sad people myself and usually need a break from it.

 

[beelzebul]

being a debbie-downer implies you're bringing others down with your pessimism. for example, someone is having a good day and tells you "i had a good day", but your response is "yeah, but mine sucked and life is terrible."

no one likes that, not even sad people. we as "sad people" have to be considerate if we want others to be considerate towards us.

also:
>or truly haven't experienced any hardship, pain or suffering in their lives.

this isn't a bad thing. it's a good thing they haven't suffered or experienced pain or hardships and it's weird to judge them for it.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

They probably just want to reinforce their world view that everything is beautiful, including suffering. They can only do this with positive people who think the same instead of negative people who know life for what it truly is

All in all, if I had the ability to make friends irl, I personally would want to be friends with a negative person and I'd avoid positive people as much as possible. I think I can only not get worse by making friends with other people as the same mindset as me but people like me are super rare to find

 

[-Link-]

People have a way of romanticizing depression like, "Yeah, look at me, I'm depressed, la-la-la. Are you going to the party tonight?" But when they're confronted with actual depression, they're like, "NOPE! TOXIC!!!"

For people who have a hard time handling our energy, I don't blame them for this, but I do find it unacceptable for them to be criticizing us for it or telling us that we should just magically choose to shut off a core symptom of an illness. As if it would be acceptable to criticize someone with a broken leg for not being able to run a marathon. (Can't they just put on a cast and do it???)

I think, for us, it's a matter of finding "our people". People who are also depressed, or people who have experienced it in their past, or people who have a caretaker-type personality, or people who are interested in mental health, etc. These are the people who will best get on with us.

As for people who would make comments against us, try not to personalize their intolerance. The problem is actually their own. It's not us.

 

[iamalreadydead]

i have a belief its to do with some genetic or biological reasoning that recognizes mental illness and the habits associated with it (uncleanliness, negativity, never being happy) as undesirable as natural survivalists, if you've given up you're not worth keeping around etc.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I don't mean sad people who are complaining about everything constantly, I mean people who are just kind of sad. I think that normal people don't like them, and instead, avoid them. My mom says that "[I'm] making [her] sad" and that I'm "polluting the atmosphere with negativity and sadness" due to my depression. It's like she can feel my vibes/energy or something. I don't understand this and how people are so influenced by others.

When it comes to someone who cares about you and can't avoid you, it's in some way, frustration I think. They do genuinely want you to be happy. They may not understand why you can't be and they may feel like they've done all they could to give you the opportunities to be happy. Again- with parents in particular- if they turned out ok-ish and they gave you all the opportunities or more that they had in life, they may feel annoyed that you're not making more of a go of it.

I definitely sense frustration from my parents as well as concern. But yeah- my Dad simply gets bored of negativity. It's the same old problems over and over. They basically want us to fix them and move on. They probably feel frustrated also that they can't seem to fix them. They probably see that as part of their role. Also selfishly speaking- they don't want to have to feel worried about us anymore. They may also feel a certain amount of guilt too because ultimately- they brought us in to this world and- people don't like feeling guilty. Let's face it- it's easier for parents who have had successful, happy children who they don't need to worry about anymore.

It also depends on how your Mum views things like mental illness. If she's like my Dad, then she may not have much time for it. I think some people see it as making excuses for things we could change but can't be bothered too. Most people are quicker to forgive a disability rather than plain lazyness. Probably because we'd maybe all like to be lazy. I think- especially people who have overcome adversity but are still relatively positive- and a lot of people feel like they have, they simply get annoyed with people who can't or won't. Kind of a- why are you so special? I had to deal with all that and worse.

Sometimes, I think it's simply obligation too. Maybe they have felt sad at times but they've felt obligated to others to put on a happy face. I'm actually like you though more. I prefer people to be honest about how they feel.

That said- to be brutally honest, I can't always cope when someone constantly vents to me. I guess because, I'm struggling too in life. It's sometimes hard to take on all their anger and frustrations when you are dealing with your own. And, if you empathise and care about someone- that's bound to happen to some extent.

 

[DarkRange55]

Misery loves company

 

[NumbItAll]

Idk but it sucks. Everyone hates me when they see what a downer I am. Idk what else to talk about. "Normal" conversations are soooo boring. I can't relate to people who think life is fine.

 

[sserafim]

Misery loves company

Wdym?

 

[DarkRange55]

It can drag down your mood as well and become very draining. People are naturally drawn to charismatic people. It's impossible to be charming and negative simultaneously. Negativity repels people and drains the positivity and charm out of people. The more of a positive aura and energy that you create, the more you will draw people into your circle. You're spreading that positive energy around everybody around you. Everyone is going to vibe off of that positivity. 99% of people are negative and breaking you down. When you're bringing people up, you are going to attract people.

Wdym?

The phrase "misery loves company" means that people who are unhappy or in a state of misery often seek out others who are also unhappy. It implies that people who are suffering or experiencing difficulties may feel comforted by the presence of others who are going through similar struggles. The phrase suggests that there is a certain sense of camaraderie or shared understanding among those who are facing challenges or hardships.

It can drag down your mood as well and become very draining. People are naturally drawn to charismatic people. It's impossible to be charming and negative simultaneously. Negativity repels people and drains the positivity and charm out of people. The more of a positive aura and energy that you create, the more you will draw people into your circle. You're spreading that positive energy around everybody around you. Everyone is going to vibe off of that positivity. 99% of people are negative and breaking you down. When you're bringing people up, you are going to attract people.

The phrase "misery loves company" means that people who are unhappy or in a state of misery often seek out others who are also unhappy. It implies that people who are suffering or experiencing difficulties may feel comforted by the presence of others who are going through similar struggles. The phrase suggests that there is a certain sense of camaraderie or shared understanding among those who are facing challenges or hardships.

Sorry, editing got screwed up lol

 

[foreverfalling]

Being sad means missing or needing something, and that means taking from someone else. Someone that is happy is able to give to other people because they have everything they need. People are self interested and so gravitate towards happy people that won't need to take from them and can give to them, and avoid sad people that would take from them.

I do prefer seeking out people that are sad and see reality for what it is, misery loves company. But the reality is if all someone does is take and never give back, I wouldn't be very interested in sticking around such a person.

 

[sserafim]

Being sad means missing or needing something, and that means taking from someone else. Someone that is happy is able to give to other people because they have everything they need. People are self interested and so gravitate towards happy people that won't need to take from them and can give to them, and avoid sad people that would take from them.

I do prefer seeking out people that are sad and see reality for what it is, misery loves company. But the reality is if all someone does is take and never give back, I wouldn't be very interested in sticking around such a person.

I don't think that being sad necessarily means missing or needing something though. Some people are just negative by nature, they're natural pessimists. I do agree that people are self-interested though. What exactly does a happy person give to people though? Positive feelings and vibes? And what does a sad person take from people? Their energy? I never understood how people got so influenced by others.

 

[DarkRange55]

I don't think that being sad necessarily means missing or needing something though. Some people are just negative by nature, they're natural pessimists. I do agree that people are self-interested though. What exactly does a happy person give to people though? Positive feelings and vibes? And what does a sad person take from people? Their energy? I never understood how people got so influenced by others.

Positive feelings and vibes? And what does a sad person take from people? Their energy?
Yes. The atmosphere and mood. I suppose you could call it aura.

I think people have "aura" I guess which are distinct but I think that aura is just people seeing a manifestation of your subconscious whether it's in a corporal language that is so strong that it exudes a distinct emotion and personality or other less scientific and more kind of mystical thing. But overall I still think this so called aura or soul or whatever its called is either in the brain of an individual (as in being is subconscious) or being the result of a connection between brains of two different people but that might imply the "soul" of a person would vary depending on who's perceiving it and there constantly changing and evolving. It would be messy and complicated but things are complex so why not?

 

[sserafim]

Positive feelings and vibes? And what does a sad person take from people? Their energy?
Yes. The atmosphere and mood. I suppose you could call it aura.

I think people have "aura" I guess which are distinct but I think that aura is just people seeing a manifestation of your subconscious whether it's in a corporal language that is so strong that it exudes a distinct emotion and personality or other less scientific and more kind of mystical thing. But overall I still think this so called aura or soul or whatever its called is either in the brain of an individual (as in being is subconscious) or being the result of a connection between brains of two different people but that might imply the "soul" of a person would vary depending on who's perceiving it and there constantly changing and evolving. It would be messy and complicated but things are complex so why not?

Lol why is your formatting different from usual? Did you copy and paste that from somewhere

 

[DarkRange55]

Lol why is your formatting different from usual? Did you copy and paste that from somewhere

My formatting? You mean the color?

 

[sserafim]

My formatting? You mean the color?

Yeah

 

[DarkRange55]

Yeah

I intentionally changed the color with the palette above to show that was what *you* had said…
Highlighting my response.

 

[sserafim]

I intentionally changed the color with the palette above to show that was what *you* had said…
Highlighting my response.

Your text is black under the orange text though, usually the text is white (I'm using dark mode).

 

[DarkRange55]

Your text is black under the orange text though, usually the text is white (I'm using dark mode).

Really? Weird, I honestly have no clue
Sometimes I type things on my Notes app first to get my thoughts organized or formatted then copypasta them over. So maybe thats why?

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

In general, people don't like to be reminded of the darker sides of life, and prefer to keep social interactions light hearted. While I personally do not mind anyone venting their troubles to me, complaining, or having a negative attitude, for some people it does deeply effect them and feel like too much for them to handle.

I also think that people feed off each other's energy and synergize, for example a more naturally quiet person may open up and talk more around a louder, more outspoken type of personality. When someone is solemn and deep in the throes of sadness, others can pick up on that accordingly and be unable to adjust their behaviour to remain light hearted and positive.

People want net positive feelings from a social interaction, and repeated instances of negativity can push others away. Not that I agree with this, or want it to happen, it's just something I've observed and why I choose to isolate myself. I've seen people who don't "get better" ostracized by friends for ruining the vibe, and that in turn has fueled further sadness for them.

 

[tuey32]

ruins the mood im guessing