Why don't I matter?

[scaredycat84]

My whole life, I've watched everyone around me be loved and cared for and treated well and helped out and given affection, time, patience understanding etc.
But I've never myself received any of that.
I try my HARDEST I'm serious I make the conscious effort in every relationship I'm in wether it's famil, friends or lovers, to be as good as I can be and give them exactly what I want in return but I'm lied to, cheated on, abused in every way possible (not abused in all relationships but far too many of them) and I'm never taken out looked after, thought of, etc.
I fall by the wayside every time and I'm so lonely I can't do it anymor. Im independent for sure so I don't wanna sound needy but sometimes I get tired of being strong abd independent I want to have someone love me and look out for me if only just once to know what it feels like.

Maybe I'm asking too much

 

[FuneralCry]

Some people are just so cruel and disappointing and to me that's simply just the way that many people are. No one should ever be treated that way by others and I'm sorry that you are in this situation. It sounds like the other people are the problem.

 

[Julgran]

My whole life, I've watched everyone around me be loved and cared for and treated well and helped out and given affection, time, patience understanding etc.
But I've never myself received any of that.
I try my HARDEST I'm serious I make the conscious effort in every relationship I'm in wether it's famil, friends or lovers, to be as good as I can be and give them exactly what I want in return but I'm lied to, cheated on, abused in every way possible (not abused in all relationships but far too many of them) and I'm never taken out looked after, thought of, etc.
I fall by the wayside every time and I'm so lonely I can't do it anymor. Im independent for sure so I don't wanna sound needy but sometimes I get tired of being strong abd independent I want to have someone love me and look out for me if only just once to know what it feels like.

Maybe I'm asking too much

It's not clear if you feel cast aside by everyone, or by a specific type of relationship. Do you still feel loves and appreciated by people whom you already consider to be your loved ones or friends?

 

[scaredycat84]

It's not clear if you feel cast aside by everyone, or by a specific type of relationship. Do you still feel loves and appreciated by people whom you already consider to be your loved ones or friends?

I feel cast aside by everyone pretty much, in all relationships that I'm a part of, wether it's a platonic relationship, familial or romantic I'm always the one giving, always the one who is looking out and being supportive or having their backs in situations but I've never been the one who's takenn care of I've never been the one who is supported or protected but I see everyone around me being treated well by others I just don't understand what about me is not worth caring for or why the people on my life don't see me as someone who is deserving of being treated right. If that makes any sense...

 

[Julgran]

I feel cast aside by everyone pretty much, in all relationships that I'm a part of, wether it's a platonic relationship, familial or romantic I'm always the one giving, always the one who is looking out and being supportive or having their backs in situations but I've never been the one who's takenn care of I've never been the one who is supported or protected but I see everyone around me being treated well by others I just don't understand what about me is not worth caring for or why the people on my life don't see me as someone who is deserving of being treated right. If that makes any sense...

I see. It sounds like you are carrying burdens that are invisible to other people. Have you been able to talk to them about your own difficulties that you may need help with?

Im independent for sure so I don't wanna sound needy but sometimes I get tired of being strong abd independent I want to have someone love me and look out for me if only just once to know what it feels like.

Since I don't know you, I can only guess, but if you are trying to being independent, some people may see you as stand-offish and seeming to have everything under control. Do you think that this could be true?

We humans are still social beings, and I hope that you will receive the understand that you need.

 

[foreverfalling]

I think it is having too much of an expectation of other people, which leads to disappointment. If people actually cared about each other, then there wouldn't be so many people here. We would all be enjoying meals together, doing jobs that helped other people and would make us happy, and we'd never be alone. But the reality is that every one is out fighting for themselves, competing with each other to earn money to feed themselves, and one upping each other for social status. Caring for people is just a concept, and it most probably doesn't match up with reality.

always the one who is looking out and being supportive or having their backs in situations

Sure we put in a lot of effort to care about other people, hoping they would see this and reciprocate. But this is only because we value that same thing, from our own perspective. Other people may not see the value in this kind of loyalty and effort. It is definitely lonely not having people to rely on, when you feel like you've built up a 'bank' of good will, but it was only ever one sided. I've always wondered, if for example a waiter at a restaurant did something I did not like, would the people I'm with have my back and walk out of the restaurant with me, or would they turn on me instead and tell me to suck it up. I'm now sure it would be the latter.

Well I still wish I can have people that care about me and be on my side...

 

[Rapière]

Are you per chance ugly and autistic? These usually are those qualties that make people unpopular wherever they go. You get so consistenly mistreated and shunned that it may almost feel lile there is a global conspiracy against you.

You may also be bad at standing up for yourself, which could be why people take advantage of you. Ted Bundy once said there are womem with vulnerability writren all over their faces, who often attract abuser types.

 

[TLEEA]

Sadly, standards and expectations about people matter more than the people themselves most of the time, whether we like it or not.

 

[Hookah-smoking-cat]

You are not alone hun. You do matter. You do belong here. People are horrible. Unless you're a total dick it's not a reflection on you. You tell yourself your unworthy. You are not. ❤