Why don't I love my parents enough not to ctb?

[wildflowers1996]

I feel so guilty. I know it'll devastate them, but I /still/ want to do it

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Why isn't their love enough to ease your pain?

Love isn't some panacea. It's not that simple.

 

[King Ashoka]

I was going to die in a forest. But i knew that my family would have spent all the money to find me or my body. The hope that one day i will contact or come back, would have killed them slowly.

I decided to do it in home. At least my family will weep and cremate body and get over it with no hope of my coming back.

I know for sure that after my death my mom would be hospitalized because of grief. I know she would break down , faint, not eat, awake then faint, then conscious then again unconscious. This cycle would go on for at least two months. I am sure.

I don't want to live. It's not my family fault.

I will die by full hanging in the store room on second floor on my house in April 2024. A relative marriage is coming. Everyone will go to attend it. Then at midnight i will hang in there.

I will take a bath, shave my moustache and beard, wear suit, tie. Then hang.

 

[letmebee1]

I wont do it unless my mom is alive. Well I guess they deserve to stay happy and healthy until I am alive. They are the reason for my existence and I would not want them to feel bad and be in constant pain forever. Hence, no ctb until I am done with my responsibilities as a son, and probably after the time comes I ll do it.

 

[wilbursoot6969]

It doesn't mean you don't love them enough. You can still have a desire to be dead, even if you love your parents and know it will upset them. It doesn't diminish your love for them that you want to commit suicide.