Venting Why does this have to happen to me?

[Yziar]

It's not fair.

All I want is to fulfill my life just like everyone else. Have a friend, loved by a family, have a partner and just spend my days interacting, socializing, and being happy with others. I only get ignored, avoided, people don't want to be with me just because I'm fucking ugly and brown.

People tell me, "Oh I know tons of ugly people with partners, friends". Fuck them! It's so annoying. Have they ever been ignored by people ALL THE FUCKING TIME when they try to start a conversation. Have they been approached by people and told to their face that they were ugly multiple times. Have they been refused to enter a fucking bar and a night club.

In one society I joined in university, I was conversing with a guy and he just repeated what I was saying, making fun of my voice, the way I said things.
Guys, guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys, JUST IMAGINE THIS. JUST IMAGINE THIS. SERIOUSLY JUST IMAGINE THIS
I remember in Freshers fair, I was waiting infront of the stall of the Paintball society and I asked the guy a question if I could turn up alone and he just fucking blanked me. JUST IMAGINE YOU ASK A GUY "HEY! IS IT OK IF I TURN UP ALONE TO AN EVENT, WILL I GET ALLOCATED TO A GROUP" AND HE JUST FUCKING STANDS THERE, IGNORES YOU AND STARES RIGHT PAST YOU. And then a group of guys come and the stall guy starts conversing with them. WHAT THE FUCK.

Just today I was down an elevator, and this mixed black dude with a girl, also mixed was waiting outside. As the elevator opens, the girl looks at me and then stares at the dude and smiles/laughs and the guy makes that noise where you suck your throat in as an act of ridiculing another. It was because of my looks and attire.

I'm genuinely losing my shit. I just can't stand this shit anymore. Everyone you see around you gets along just fine. It happens to them naturally. What the fuck.

I really want to fucking die! I've been crying these past few hours, not long ago, I felt like buying a rope and going ahead with it but at the same time I just don't want to, because it wouldn't be fair. It wouldn't be fair that life and everyone continues to be happy while they've given me so much shit and they get away with it.

I haven't had a conversation with anyone other than authority and my sister since lockdown in 2020 happened. I'm so fucking alone. Hell, I've tried making friends in university, no one wants to be with me. I've tried making friends with people online, in discord servers, in communities but EVERYONE IGNORES YOU. THEY CAN TELL YOU ARE PATHETIC AND USELESS when they hear your voice, when they see what you look like. I hate how everyone only cares for themselves, they only think for themselves.

I GENUINELY CAN'T FIND A SINGLE PERSON WHO IS COMPLETELY ISOLATED AND AVOIDED BY NEARLY EVERY FUCKING PERSON LIKE ME! I'M NOT MAKING ANY OF THIS SHIT UP! I'VE HAD SO MUCH SHIT EXPEREIENCES, BULLYING, AVOIDING. I JUST WANT TO DIE!!!!!!! AG==GUGDFHJHGJDFHGJKHDFJKHJGAG AHGGGG=HHHHHHHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FUCK THIS WORLD

And I get pushed to aside and get told talking to some random old lady/therapy will sort out my problems.

I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. I just want to die. 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It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair.

why does this have to happen to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is very unfair and that is why I see it as a curse to be born. I'm sorry that things are this bad. Some people are just so awful. I hope you find peace and freedom from suffering.

 

[Snake of Eden]

People are shitty to those they see as inferior to them. I hope you find people who like you for who you are. Peace

 

[The Divine Comedy]

You give a voice to our inner turmoils friend.

 

[LonelyBrazilian]

I understand you. I'm ignored all my life, and also they make fun of my appearance too. That's why I gave up on society and I always isolate myself.

 

[xrafinha]

It can be painful, but take my word for it: the only thing you really need is your health. Having that, you can work out the other stuff in your life.. Are you also poor? Because poverty can make you also very undesirable. You know how do dress? How to clean yourself up? Do you smell? (I was in college with an indian guy and by his culture it was okay to be smelly, but to everyone else it wasn't okay and he was the only one who didn't know.)
Do you lift weights? Becoming strong can not only improve your looks overall, but also make you look intimidating. There is always somebody out there for you, even if you don't think so. I also ugly and eventually I've found a girl that I really like and she thinks I'm handsome, its in her eyes.

If you are truly ugly, you gotta maximize every other aspect of your life and you will be ok.

Don't kill yourself over this shit that you can change.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I'm sorry you're suffering in pain. YOU didn't choose your physical appearance/condition so don't hate yourself although I know it's hard. Life is unfair and cruel. That said. What's some other qualities you have? What's your interest? You can financially establish yourself and go from there. Maybe popularity and socializing can come a bit later.

I definitely relate as a woman with damaged skin caused by severe severe acne. I damaged my life by using so many creams to clear up my skin and well I actually damaged myself now I gave up on society as well and I'm a recluse been working yes but I live in poverty on my own income, been unemployed recently but I still live at home with parents at 28 and never left home. I been bullied and ostracized and excluded and therefore traumatized. I'm on a ticking clock.

 

[Yziar]

It can be painful, but take my word for it: the only thing you really need is your health. Having that, you can work out the other stuff in your life.. Are you also poor? Because poverty can make you also very undesirable. You know how do dress? How to clean yourself up? Do you smell? (I was in college with an indian guy and by his culture it was okay to be smelly, but to everyone else it wasn't okay and he was the only one who didn't know.)
Do you lift weights? Becoming strong can not only improve your looks overall, but also make you look intimidating. There is always somebody out there for you, even if you don't think so. I also ugly and eventually I've found a girl that I really like and she thinks I'm handsome, its in her eyes.

If you are truly ugly, you gotta maximize every other aspect of your life and you will be ok.

Don't kill yourself over this shit that you can change.

I'm planning on getting plastic surgery. I know about the smell thing, most south asian parents don't teach their basic hygiene(my parents made me shower once a week and use no deodrant when I was a kid. They'd complain I would waste money if I used the tap water too much like wtf. My stupid filthy parents didn't know what a deodorant was when I told them). They ruin their kids by pushing their shitty religion, culture and bad diet onto their kids and we end up being fucked-up ugly skinny losers when we reach adulthood. My first year in high school when I was 13 people pointed it out. Ever since then I wear alot of perfume and shower before I go outside. I bought myself a really expensive perfume, so I don't think it's the smell thing.

Workout? My genetics are literally so fucked up, I've tried for months and can't manage to gain significant muscle. Being unlucky in one aspects is going to carry onto another.

I don't believe there is somebody out there for everyone. That's some Disney-regurgitated bullshit. "there is somebody out there for everyone" only applies for women.

 

[jello]

Your predicament is quite relatable. I know how it feels to have someone completely ignore you when you are talking to them and to be able to deduce how worthless you are in their eyes by simply looking at their face. I do think there is a lot of hope left for you because as you said:

All I want is to fulfill my life just like everyone else. Have a friend, loved by a family, have a partner and just spend my days interacting, socializing, and being happy with others.

Don't give up on something that you want. There are plenty of kind, understanding girls out there, and you can always work on your appearance and social skills. I truly believe that it will get a lot better for you; the genuine people that you would want in your life shouldn't care about such superficial things either.